12.22.2006

hallelujahs abound

i’m online!

it’s been a long and rough road. . . all the way from last sunday when i left my hotel and moved into a rented room on the outskirts of santa clarita. yes, they had internet, but for the one desktop that is shared among a few friends. . . no wireless! so, i made it the whole week, and what a tough week it was. all the time wanting the chance to look up the name of that actor in that show i caught on the cable that i now have, but not having imdb.com at my beck and call. wanting to IM with a friend, since both of us have poor cell reception in our dwellings. . . but not being able to. . . . wanting to look into reservations for airport parking. . . and unable to. . . . . desiring to check the times for the getty museum. . . and being forced to wait till i was at work with a working internet source, which was sometimes 7 or 8 hours later! i tell you. . . mine is a rough life.

but after some serious conferencing with my brother and roommate, we got the wireless running. . . and now i’m in the predicament where i’m seriously trying to overload on my media. . and everything else too. the chat is running, the internet is up, i’m ripping some music, and downloading pictures, cable is in the background with some moderate channel surfing, my phone is running some text messages back and forth, dinner is being chewed, and i have to pee. . . . so many things to deal with and i can’t figure out how to do all at once, but i’m trying!

of course the morning started out a little oddly. i thought for sure that my flight back home was tonight. i got up this morning, did some laundry, packed and double checked all the restrictions for ‘international’ flights. . . (so silly, canada is closer for me to fly to, so i get to be an international traveler. . . hehe). i had a few errands to run so i set out to do them, and then head directly to the airport. . . but i then carefully checked my itinerary. . . ‘saturday flight.’ i had been a little worried that i had slept through a morning flight, but in fact, i was 24 hours ahead of schedule. no where to go today! silly erika. . . . silly. . . .

so when i get ready tomorrow morning, i actually need to unpack my bathroom items, and then repack them.

oh well. . . could be worse.

i did spend yesterday at the getty. figured i should do something LA related before i leave. i can’t wait to get back there, it certainly is pretty.

a couple of friends and i went out to dinner as well. . . and found the most amazing sushi place. i’ve never had sushi like it. it was seriously unbelievably good. . . so now i have a couple of places to show people should i ever get visitors. . . of course, that would require having free time, which i don’t see happening too soon in my future. well, other than this holiday break.

i can’t wait to get back home and spend time with my family. i missed my chance to get home at the end of the summer. and i really did ‘miss’ it. i’m not so sure that i’m looking forward to getting hit directly with the east coast winter. this whole sunny chilly weather out here is really nice. . . i wonder if my family would think less of me if i didn’t change from my comfy pj pants all week. . .

oh how i’ve missed this.

oh, and happy holidays everyone. . . safe travels and all that.




12.13.2006

lopsided

i’m tired. . . really tired. my near month and a half here has been exhausting. the theatre classes have finished so i have some free space in my time to coordinate for myself. i can clean, organize, become familiar with my surroundings. . . all without students swarming at my heels. well, they are still around, but not as much, and i’m enjoying the breather. though i’m made nervous by my upcoming schedule. the organizing that MUST happen is going to be a handful. . . and i worry that i won’t have enough time or help.

i think that if i were a superstitious person, i wouldn’t be here now. i’m on my third attempt at housing. . . and here’s hoping that three is indeed the charm. i’m sick of hotel living, and so is my wallet. i moved into an extended stay hotel when i first got here, and stayed a month. but it’s pricey. . . so i moved to another place out in glendale last week. it had better cable. . . and that’s about it. it was 20 miles away, smaller room, slightly creepier, fewer creature comforts. . . i left it sunday, with the thought that i was meeting a to-be roommate with which i had a fantastic interview. i called to solidify, and was told that he needed more time to think about it. so i wasn’t homeless, but i was hotel-less. i had my car-full of items i’ve been living from. . . and took off for school for a bit. i ended up right back at the extended stay place i left. giving myself one more week to find a place. i had another interview today, and the girls are slightly desperate, the house is gorgeous, the conversation wasn’t quite as indepth as the last. . . but i think i’m willing to work with it. and like last sunday, i will pack my car and wait to see if i can move in. just long enough to sleep a few nights and take off back to ny for a break.

i feel like the world is working against me, and yet, no one else seems surprised by it. i get constant encouragement from both students and co-workers, ‘this is a tough year’ . . . ‘it takes a while to get used to this place’ . . . ‘don’t worry, it gets easier.’ and so on. and yet, i don’t actually see where it gets easier. the next semester is going to be painfully busy. . . something’s gotta give. even with the exhausting nature of it, i have trouble sleeping at night. i’ve gone through some horrible dreams. . . . theatrical mechanics crushing people, a long bit about a serial killer (well, the good hotel has bad cable, but one good channel-showtime, with the great new show ‘dexter.’ i LOVE this show, and i’m hooked- but it’s about serial killers, so maybe there’s my muse), and saddam hussein somehow made the mix.

i’m eating well. . . at least i think i am. my digestion’s been funny though. my friend who is now in her 5th month of living abroad in india would say i have the ‘loosies.’ at least i think that’s the term she used. everyone around me has come down with some kind of food poisoning. . . but i’m thinking it was a virus, since so many have had it, and yet, we all haven’t been eating the same food. lucky me. . . i seem to have it too. yeah, i know, just what everyone wants to read about. my bowel movements. . . what excitement. moving on. . . hehe. . . moving.

i miss my friends in santa fe. i got calls this past weekend about how to set up the christmas party. everyone had joked about how they wanted to ask me back to watch over the christmas party, and i liked the thought of that, but being here now, i know it would’ve been impossible to schedule. i don’t want to think i made the wrong decision coming here. i really like the idea and challenge of cleaning this place up, and making it a functioning, efficient beast. but i really wonder if it’s in my ability. dad wanted me to set parameters that i could follow if i felt too overwhelmed. . . to give me a clear path of when enough is enough. i still don’t have those. i had this feeling, bitter as it was, that if any of my good equipment was stolen, i would walk. my expensive and well used and loved amp clamp is missing. i’m pissed, but i’m still here. i’m giving it time to ‘show up.’

to add to the lame things in life, every single music listening device i have is lopsided. my headphones, my car stereo, and my little travel speakers for my ipod are all broken on one side. i replaced the headphones, the travel speakers aren’t a large issue. . . but my car stereo. . . errrrr. christ on a cracker!

losing the possibility of an apartment twice has been rough. i keep feeling like i have no grounding. i want somewhere to hang my proverbial hat. . . and my real hat. it’s been defeating. i’m not the most festive person around, but i did plan to make the traditional rumballs this year. i had planned that i would do that in my new apartment, it would be one of those, ‘here i am, . . . home’ /christening kind of things. and when i lost the more recent apartment, i lost the momentum to make the rumballs. and then monday hit. . . and i just decided i would make them in the hotel. and not only make them, but make a double dose. one for here, and one to send back to santa fe.

and i did. there may have been further incentive in a short jaunt for retail therapy. after all, i wasn’t going to dig through my storage unit for a spoon, mixing bowl, and measuring cup. . . oh no!. . . this required a trip to target. now, usually i use a roommate’s food processor or blender to pulverize the vanilla wafers to crumbs. this was one item that i wouldn’t buy just for the occasion, and the action was my biggest challenge. i figured i’d beat the wafers inside a plastic baggy with a large metal spoon. five minutes after trying that i realized it wouldn’t work. necessity is the mother of invention. . . and i shortly figured that i could crush the vanilla wafers by stepping on them. so there i was, in my hotel room, smashing vanilla wafers in a plastic baggy with my feet. calm down, it was totally sanitary! my feet never touched the food!. . . and the rumballs turned out well. they seemed to raise the spirits and blood alcohol level of my new coworkers sufficiently, and two tins are currently in route to santa fe. hope they get there soon.

oh, and i saw sissy spacek drop kid off at college.

i really hope to move into an apartment this sunday. i want the chance to change my profile on all my myspace type places so that they no longer say ‘santa fe’. . . i don’t want to have to explain why i don’t have a place to people i may run into while i’m home over the break. i just want to say, yeah, i moved to valencia. no lengthy explanation to follow. i want to have a week without apartment hunting. . . perhaps a week of present shopping instead? you know, a place to store my plants while i pack and leave for ny. especially the christmas cactus which began blooming a month ago.

11.25.2006

water, electricity and puppies, oh my!


ok. i’m used to having dreams about work, nightmare as well. i started having a dream last night about work. it was about a show that would be done in a pool. -ok, i just did a show that had a pool this past summer. we were worried that it would include lights under water, but we lucked out. my dream was not as lucky. whomever was running the show wanted lights underwater. the pool was in bad condition. there were broken in pool lighting fixtures that were exposed to water, they would’ve electrified the pool had they been turned on. i started making an argument that the existing pool lighting needed fixing before i could run any new fixtures through it. . . hmmm, starting to sound like a metaphor huh?

anyway, turns out the show was a puppy show. . . underwater. gotta love those dreams.

a bunch of the ‘talent’ for the show started to show up. . . . PUPPIES! since no one was listening to me telling them to steer clear from turning on the power to the pool lights, all i could do was prep my cable to go into the pool, and play with the puppies. after a while, all i was doing was playing with the puppies.

yeah, it’s no secret to anyone that knows me that i enjoy a good distraction when under a good deal of stress. i still get my work done, but i like to slip some fun in while i’m at it. but what does it mean when my dreams are creating dream distractions for me. . . and ones so incredibly cliched as puppies.

i made a leap in coming here, and as dr. sam beckett would say, ‘oh boy.’


ps, i’m not so sure the link i placed earlier is working, so just in case. .. .

techies on tv, hopefully



technicians in the news!

so a handful of my friends are working out at centerstage in baltimore. a group of them live in this house on 34th street. they actually wrote a letter to the landlords to petition for the apartment. the reason being that the entire street does this light and christmas decoration show known as ‘the miracle on 34th street.’ my friends promised to make it worth their while to have them as tenants. so my friends did it up, and made it onto the news with a 30 foot tall christmas tree made of lights.

here’s the news footage!

techies on tv!

11.12.2006

update . . . *sigh*


so, for those of you who haven’t been in the know., i got a new job, and i’ve moved to southern california. that’s the short of it.

leaving was really hard.

the scene shop threw a cookout up on the back deck. burgers, hot dogs, potato salad, carnivore smores, a deep fried pork tenderloin, and a nice goodbye cake. i even kept from crying all the way to the end. that was thursday. friday my brother flew into town. we had some green chile stew and chile rellenos from maria’s. . . my last new mexican food for a while. the next morning we cleaned out my apartment and packed the truck, then got the car put on a hitch. katy, my former roommate, met up with us for one more lunch before we headed out. dan was out for a little while this summer but missed going to the french pastry shop in the la fonda, so that was the place for lunch.

katy and i made a swift get away from the parking lot so we wouldn’t sit and cry too much.

by mid afternoon dan and i were on the road. we made a stop somewhere after flagstaff, az to sleep a bit. sadly we got up too late for the breakfast at the hotel. . . but i had a craving for cracker barrel, mmm biscuits and apple butter.

have i mentioned how fun driving a large truck with a hitch is? yeah, that’s because it’s not. although not being able to see what’s behind you, except through the mirrors, leads one to not care too much about all the people wanting to pass you. however, in our last leg in california we were on a two lane highway, and it was difficult to pass. on one turn i noticed a growing caravan behind me, so i pulled over to the side to let people pass. i ended up doing that three times with a total of about 42 fellow drivers who were stuck behind me.

dan and i got in around 8:30 pm on sunday night. (i’m staying at an extended stay hotel place till i’ve worked out a decent apartment.) i’ve gotten used to the schedule of new mexico. nothing open past 6 pm on a week day, and usually even earlier on a sunday. so i was a bit worried about getting some dinner and minimal supplies for the week getting in at 8:30. but this is california! we were able to get both some groceries as well as dinner, right across the street from the hotel. and being closer to the shore. . . how about sushi! and yet again, right across the street. fantastic. this time only for take out, but we hit it the next night too, mostly because dan saw that the sushi bar had one of those double conveyer belts, so the sushi travels past you. . . it’s wonderful. of course, later in the week a friend pointed out a sushi place that utilizes a moving moat and the sushi is put on small boats . . . so cute.

have i mentioned how incredible my brother is? well, for those in doubt, here is the proof. monday night i figured out that i needed to ditch the truck and all my stuff into a storage space. well, my schedule was hectic- but i’ll get to that later- so my brother found me a storage space nearby, set it up for me, and unloaded the entire truck. to be honest, he basically loaded it the day we left. i just pushed everything into place as to how it should be packed and cleaned behind us as we emptied rooms. unbelievable. i am so indebted, and according to my mom, that’s a good characteristic to have. so i’ll wear it for a while, but i do hope i’ll have a chance to do something in return.

wednesday, dan left. i really wish he could’ve stayed longer. maybe till the weekend, or just till i had a day off and we could’ve explored a little, but as i hinted at, i was kept busy all week.

saturday, michael (one of the crew members from this summer who happens to be from outside LA) came and rescued me from my hotel room. he drove me around glendale and pasadena. later on we caught a midnight showing of the animated movie, the renaissance. it was hard to stay awake that late. i’ve been turning in early to stay on top of the days around here. anyway, he’s looking to get an apartment soon as well, so maybe we’ll get a place together. it would be really nice to live around someone i know, and someone who knows the area.

today, i’ve done little other than get some groceries and a few things from my storage.

the truth is, i don’t know if i want to delve into what i’ve been hit with here at work. it’s hard, and it’s incredibly messy. . . . on so many levels. i see a way through it, i just don’t know if i’ll have the support that i’ll need. i hope i figure that part out this week. i think i’ll keep that for another entry.

oh, i’m the staff ME at CalArts. if i didn’t make that clear earlier.


10.15.2006

oy


as if!

i’ve been worrying, and thinking, and quasi planning- but not planning too much. . . and following this pre-landing flight pattern. . . and now i have coordinates and i can complete my planning and my landing.

after a tumultuous month and a half. . . i’ve gotten some incredible news. i have a new job! i have to move! i have to find a new apartment. . . . in california. . . . before november 6 when i start the new job at calarts. oy!

i guess all the worrying, thinking, and quasi planning overwhelmed me a bit though. i noticed on monday and tuesday that my heart rate seemed a little racy. i had a hard time getting to sleep at night. . . a hard time relaxing and shutting down my brain. . . . and i was waking up 45 minutes before my alarm was set to go off- trust me when i stress that waking up to early is not usually a problem that i’m accustomed to.

so wednesday happened. there was a little more stress with the added event of telling my current employers that i was considering a new job, but everything went really well. i joined katy for some evening tv at her new apartment- since i still don’t have cable- and she felt the need for me to catch up and share in the new episodes of lost and project runway. we had a fantastic evening in front of the tv and then i went home.

it was quiet there, and my heart was still racing. so i did some exercises, then i tried to relax. my heart was still racing. then i really tried to breath deeply and meditate or whatever. nothing was helping and the more i worried about my heart, the louder it got in my ears, and the faster it seemed. so, i put my clothes back on and and drove to the emergency room. according to my initial tests, i had wicked high blood pressure, and an accelerated heart rate. from that point, i got the full treatment; ekg reading, blood tests, urine tests, chest x-ray, and constant monitoring. every 15 minutes i watched my blood pressure drop on the monitor, but my heart rate remained high. according to all my tests, my heart was fine, i’m not anemic, my thyroid is good. . . everything in order, except for a raised element of stress and anxiety. they were having a busy night at the hospital, and i sat there for a good 4 hours. i read from a book i had with me, i watched some video blogs on my ipod, and i tried really hard to fall asleep, but it wasn’t happening. when the doctor came to give me my assessment i was wide awake. he said he had covered all the bases and had to think it was anxiety driven, and the fact that i was still sitting up and awake at 5:30 in the morning, pointed that maybe i had something on my mind.

my consolation prize? a follow up visit to my doctor and tranquilizers. sweet sweet tranquilizers. . . . my bridge to a good relaxing night’s sleep for a few days.

while i recounted the whole thing to my mom she tells me that she was prone to those types of episodes as well. wow. . . thanks for the tip.

so, i’ve caught you up on the good, and the interesting. . . .

now, please excuse me, i have a myriad of lists to make. .. lists of all the things i need to accomplish before and in order to leave. -then, i have to accomplish them. so, forgive me if my phone answering, email answering, and blogging is a bit spotty.

ps . . . did i tell you about the mouse incident?

ok real quick. . . and hopefully you didn’t just eat lunch or dinner.

i had a strike call a couple of weeks ago. i had been walking around the electrics shop, and i got a sense that perhaps there was a dead mouse somewhere, but it was real faint, so i wasn’t sure if i was getting a good reading. a few people started showing up. i was pulling floorplates off of units that we had set up for a concert a little while back. i’d pick up a unit and put it on the table to work with. the entire time i had a conversation running across the work table, and more people were showing up. i picked up the next unit, placed it on the table and stepped to where it had been on the floor. there was an immense *POP* i had been packing boxes the week before and there were a lot of packing peanuts and bubble wrap around, but i thought i’d put it all away, and then figured that i’d missed some bubble wrap. i hadn’t. it wasn’t bubble wrap. it was a dead mouse. i stepped on it, and it *POPPED*. . . loudly! most people were just grossed out by the noise. . . i had the noise, and the feeling of having stepped on a once living thing that then violently expelled all of it’s internal gasses in one extremely foul swoop -the noise and the feeling in my head as well. you know how sometimes you avoid stepping on the big bugs to kill them, because you don’t want to feel them crunch. . . this is worse, much worse. avoid at all costs. thank goodness someone else was brave enough to clean it up. . . i can usually handle dragging a dead mouse to the trash. . . . but not this time.

ok, that’s it for now. onto that self proclaimed list of things to do.

9.22.2006

i'm cerulean. . .


it’s not exactly blue. . . but there is definitely a funk about me. . .and not a ‘brickhouse’ funk, or a ‘haven’t showered’ funk. we’re talking an emptiness, a loss, a limbo about me. i have a hard time with the transition from off season to summer season and back again. during the winter i get really used to seeing the same 10 or 12 people around, the quietness and the space. i barely walk near the stage, there’s not much reason. i regularly have conversations with the few people in props and costumes, and i work with everyone in the scene shop throughout that time. then people start to filter in. the first group is usually small, so it’s more exciting to have a few new people around. by the third or fourth influx i get irritated. during the winter, i can normally get from one office or department to the other without tripping over people and being stopped to answer questions but now there’s all these people in the way. a couple of weeks into it, i’m over the ‘intrusion’ of new people and i’m back in electrics full time. i barely have time to stop and discuss anything other than the next needed thing for a show with someone from another department. my schedule flip flops to evenings and i rarely see the day shift for more than an hour or two a day, and from a distance at that. historically, the electrics and lighting department become their own entity/ family. our schedule is pretty separated from other departments. we get to know a few people from other departments that run the shows, but they have a tough time getting through the tough knit that we make of our group. it’s rare when we don’t end up hanging out together, even on our few chances to have time apart. what made that even stronger this year, was the sense that a handful of staff members are considering, or have decided to not return next summer. these people have been apart of the summer season for 6+ years. . . some for a decade. they’ve created an institution among themselves. they move back to their off season in packs. . . a group to seattle, a group to baltimore, a group to chicago.

it’s not easy being the only one here still. i like being here, this town, this company, but the view is so different from someone who only moves in for 3 to 5 months at a time. their belongings are easily packed into boxes and bags and transported. i can’t even imagine my stuff fitting into a box. i don’t know where else my tool bag could fit except on the shelf near my feet under my desk in the office. needless to say, i am completely unmotivated to get any sort of organizing, cleaning, etc done in the electric shop, in order to leave it in good order, even for the winter. though there’s a possibility of leaving it with more distance on my horizon. all the summer people are gone, and a lot of winter people are taking what’s left of their vacation time. who cares if there is something slightly foul smelling rotting in the garbage. . . . or if color frame storage is a shambles? who is going to care, other than me. . . and right now, i have heavier thoughts on my mind.

what makes this more difficult is the past month or month and a half o my life. august, at the opera, is when all the shows are finally running, no more technical rehearsals. for about two weeks, their is a collective sigh, just keep the shows running as they have been. come in later to work, do a few side projects, but nothing with as much urgency. then, there’s a pick up. the apprentice scenes happen on the 2nd and 3rd weekend of august. so for the week preceding the concerts, our apprentices take on more responsibilities and supervisory positions. yes, again, it’s longer hours. . . but i like it. the apprentices that have real potential start to poke out of the woodwork, and their support group around one another becomes even stronger. . . usually. plus, during the tech rehearsal, which lasts one night, all night, the deck crew gets to have a little fun. . . in an attempt to entertain and keep awake everyone else at the tech table or the spot booth. crew members show up in garish opera costumes on loan from wardrobe, people become human christmas trees being tugged around on a skate by a rope, prop severed heads show up on different pieces of scenery, and if you’re ever needing a use for a lot of partially used pieces of breakaway glass. . .i’m your girl. it’s a bit of fun in what would be a stressful time. august usually has some sort of gala event as well. this being our 50th anniversary and all, and during the weekend of apprentice scenes, the staff ran the show. i’ve missed running spot. . it’s a lot of fun. you can kind of yell at and harass the performers without them knowing. . . criticize their outfits . . . spot the drunk, etc. . . shortly after that is the big wave of goodbyes. sometimes there’s a chance for a last meal together, a last bbq, sometimes you are directly in the middle of your work day or evening as someone comes up with a goodbye hug. you’ve just finished a day, like every other day this summer, only if you return the next day, half of the people, or two thirds of the people you work with, play with, eat with, sleep with, drink with, hang out with, talk with, experience every single day of the summer with. . . . . they won’t be there. it’s rather surreal. and then there’s the ones that you don’t mind seeing out the door. . . :) ‘here, let me help you with your bags. . . buh bye!’ but even them, you miss a little, simply because there are fewer of them.

but it’s not over! there’s still a handful of people, and a handful of shows. . . . the freaking concert season. we had four this year, the mariachi concert, james brown, dwight yoakam, and lou reed. they are trouble. the people coming expect a rock and roll venue with an union type crew, while the people here are tired, spent, have just said good bye to some good friends, and now have to run shows without the team that made them efficient. i usually get left with almost no crew for these. well, the mariachi show is early enough on to have some people around. . . but once everyone’s left, you staff the show with anyone from the opera, and being the only one on the lighting crew to know where to look for a cut of gel or how to move an instrument in the roof without ruining the rep hang. . . really sucks. this year i was a little spoiled. i had a crew member stay behind with me for a week and a half. we pulled another crew member in for the shows who was a quick study, and james brown and dwight yoakam ran pretty smoothly. both of them had left by lou reed. . . and lou reed sucked. ‘no sir, we don’t fly truss unless you bring it with you.’ ‘yep, sorry, you’ll just have to make due with what jennifer tipton and duane schuler used this year. . . sorry sir.’ arg.

for a week though, michael (the crew member) and i sorted, organized, filed, archived, and prepped for the concerts. then, we took monday off. no concert that day, and we were tired. we did a day of museums and touristy things that he hadn’t had a chance to do yet. OH, in the midst of all this, i’d been interviewing for a job. a couple weeks before the season ended, lesley (the board op here. . . who had also gotten a new job this summer) got an email from a friend that works are a decent school in california. they just lost their master electrician. this was about 15 minutes after is actually happened. i cleaned up my resume and had people at work check it for me. i cleaned it up and reformatted it in a way i hadn’t before, but i kind of approached it with a, ‘would be nice to see where it falls with them, and wouldn’t it be funny if it became serious’ kind of attitude. well, then it became serious. on the monday that michael and i took a mental health day, they called and wanted me to fly out for a visit and interview that week. monday- day off, tuesday- dwight yoakam, wednesday- michael leaves, thursday and friday- i fly to california for an interview, saturday- lou reed. oh, and friday, i’m supposed to be moved out of my apartment, and just as a fun side note, my computer hard drive ate itself the week before, so i just got it back and was getting everything back into place the end of the week before, which included asking california to send a copy of my resume back since it was the only copy in existence. difficult week, but i had a plan. . .

michael and i went to dinner, maria’s- since it was about his last chance for a new mexican meal. while headed back to the apartments for a movie i noticed that i missed two calls from my family. my family members and i usually talk on sundays, and i missed a few over the busy nature of the summer, but i don’t like getting tag teamed when it’s not a sunday. i said that to michael as we were walking. . . . that it makes me fear bad news. and then i sent michael to walk ahead when i hear in a message that my grandpa’s had a stroke and is in the hospital. my parents and i talk over my interview and how they don’t want me to cancel it, and how we’ll have more answers after a series of MRI’s the next day. i’m thinking to myself, this is the part in the movie where the girls drops everything she’s doing and hops the next flight home. . . . but this isn’t a movie, and i’m moved because my parents didn’t want to give me this news which might derail me from interviewing, and the kicker, that grandpa would want me to do my best and make him proud, and wouldn’t want his being hurt to change my plans. after crying and talking on the phone for a while i walk into darin and michael’s apartment, explain the situation and request a distracting evening. so we sit and watch, ‘what the bleep’ which uses quantum theory to question our very existence. . . . . hmmm. . . kind of surreal. and then i have to run a dwight yoakam concert. and you ask . . . could things get more mucked up? why yes, they could. . . .

i called my landlord during the day to ask if i could extend my lease for a couple of weeks. she hadn’t found anyone to rent to yet, so this works out very well for both of us. . . fantastic, i hadn’t really looked for a place anyway. so i have an apartment till october 1st and i have dwight yoakam all day, and i have news about my grandpa as some point. the show actually goes up really easily, and then i’m running the show with no news. so i call my mom, from the light board, country music blaring all around me. mom says there is good and bad news. one can only imagine where my mind immediately wandered to. but it wasn’t near to what i heard. grandpa was in good health and fine. it wasn’t a stroke. . . but his depression was much deeper than we understood. this wonderfully funny man, who missed his wife, my grandma, thought he’d become too much of a burden on our family. it’s true, his health had been worse lately, but perhaps the depression was feeding into that. nurses were prepped to ask if, at his age, he used a walker or a cane. he uses neither. he’d been splitting wood and shingling his house in the past weeks. it didn’t occur to me till just yesterday that this all happened on september 11. i was out with a friend. we stopped at two churches. the touristy area of downtown santa fe. having moved almost completely into a mental state of atheism, the irony of me in a church is not lost. yet i fall into routine. i blessed myself with the holy water. i walked up to the conquistadora chapel. the first likeness of the mother mary to be carried to the americas resides there. i lit a candle, feeling a little theatrical in front of a friend, but resigning that i always light a candle and say a small hello to my grandma from that chapel. at about the same time, my grandpa took a bunch of his old medication. . . . maybe he was hoping to get a chance to say ‘hi’ to her too. only yesterday did i metaphorically equate the falling of the towers 5 years ago, to my grandpa falling. my aunt told me he has a bad bruise on his arm from falling. i worry about my dad, stopping by after work to find his own dad like that. i worry that rushing home to visit will embarrass my grandpa. my aunt says he’s worried that everyone is angry with him now. i feel like i understand his frustration in life, but that i’m selfish in not wanting him to leave yet. when being wistful i always considered him the king of our pride. in lion terms. he’s got this great mane-like head of semi-shaggy pure white hair. i always hoped i inherited those genes. of course i always thought of it in terms of how fantastic the dyes would turn out in my hair if i could start with a white base. the other thing that always caught me was the size of his hands. i never noticed that anyone else has similar hands in our family. his are like carpenter’s hands. large and puffy with muscles. his job was as a draftsman, but he built this beautiful cradle for me when i was born, and it’s made proper, like a carpenter would, with pegs and joints. that cradle’s been shared by all the cousins now. my aunt worries that my younger cousins don’t know and remember their grandparents as my brother and i do.

eh hem. . .

so that was tuesday, kind of. wednesday was really quiet in the shop. michael and darin left. thursday and friday were absolute whirlwinds. flying out to california, i got in around noon and didn’t stop till around 11:30 pm, meeting faculty, staff, students. meetings one after another. i got to see a rehearsal in their downtown theatre, and nearly got to see an old friend from emerson, but i was wiped out, and still had another day to put in. another whole day of meeting people and sitting in on classes, and getting lost in their building, and then flying out around 4pm to get home again around midnight. of course there’s a lot more. . but one focus. . . or one less focus at a time please.

over all the meetings/ interviews did go well. but like i said, i’m in limbo, and can’t tell which way my emotions are facing. there’s comfort in staying. . . and there’s excitement in a new place. . . at this point i could flip a coin and be content with either turn out.

saturday was lou reed. honestly . . . i’d rather just forget the whole thing. . . it wasn’t fun. . but not as bad as lyle lovett a couple of years back. . . moving on. . .

this week is cerulean. there has been so much activity in my recent past, there is the possibility of there being more activity in the near future, i can’t be just blue. there’s too much spice in the mix, it can’t be plain blue. . . but it is a flavor of blue. my roommates have already all moved out. . . i still have to finish packing in order to move. . . to where is a whole other world of unknown. my house is quiet, my work is quiet. . . . i’m not whining - i’ll let coldplay and death cab for cutie do that for me in my ipod. i’m not looking for an outpouring of sympathy emails or phone calls. . . i am crying, but i’m looking to stand strong in my own life. . . or at least find a comfortable chair in it somewhere. i’m missing my coworkers, my friends, and my family, but there are too many uncertainties right now for me to make any move. i’m waiting for the ringing in my ears, which seems to have become an overall remnant body buzz to quiet down a little more, as much as it seems uncomfortable, so i can see my next step more clearly. . . and move at the appropriate time.

i find it funny- not haha funny, but huh. . . isn’t life interesting funny- that three people from emerson who i haven’t heard from in a long time, each found me on myspace in the past week in a half. one’s lived in LA for years, one’s been in england for several years but is now working on a show in china, and a third is flying out to south korea this week. i’m thankful for them reaching out and finding me.

and now, finally, i will be leaving this post. i don’t have the strength to reread it for grammatical errors or misspellings. if you made it all the way through reading, you should reward yourself. have a great day, and wish me much rest, and some productive cleaning and packing this weekend.

9.01.2006

erika withdrawl

have you missed me?

hell, i’ve missed me.

actually, not to get your hopes up or anything, but this is just a test. you see amidst the confusion of the end of the opera season, and the concert season and a myriad of other things that has been my life for the past month, my hard drive crashed. the computer was fixed, everything all good, but i lost quite a bit of info, including all my blog stuff. that and since i’m supposed to move out of my apartment soon, i’ve had the internet shut off. so i’m not completely ready to dive right back in, but i thought i’d take a minute to let everyone,- yep all three of you, know that i haven’t completely fallen off the face of the earth. nope, just hanging on the edge but i have a safety rope attached and i’m slowly clawing my way up.

in touch soon.

8.05.2006

arrivals and departures


so my mom got into town sometime in the middle of last week. for the weekend both her brother and my brother came into town. we were able to do a handful of meals as a group, some movie watching and relaxing time. . . and both the brothers finally got to see an opera. we did a stroll through shidoni. . . and as luck had it, they were pouring bronze while we were there. i’ll have to get a few pictures up when i get a chance.

my actual days off felt a bit unproductive. we attempted as a group to get to the taos pueblo. this is my second attempt, and my second failure. they were closed. . . again. maybe the taos pueblo and i don’t need to spend much time together. it’s just not meant to be.

the next day was short. . . a late breakfast and then a trip to the airport for dan to head back to boston. short visit, but he he’d missed a chance to see a show at the opera last year and i was really glad he got to see two of them this time around. plus, we also got a couple rounds of katamari damacy in as well. .. . along with a well deserved rubbing to me for not having made it through the two entire games already.

mom and i got to see a dance show as well. i’ve been wanting to see momix since ‘98. . . i was given a hat with their logo by a schoolmate who got it as swag from doing a load in. anyone who had seen their show could explain the logo. . . but i’d never seen it, only heard about it numerous times. they did a different repertoire, but it was still pretty stunning.

charlie left sunday. . . dan left monday. . . mom left tuesday. . . and my friend sarah left the country on sunday as well. i had sent her a small care package with a few items to help her while away the time. . . but my schedule got really busy and then my family showed up. i almost completely missed calling her before she took off! i got a 15 minute call in on sunday morning before her flight in the evening. she has a teaching job for six months in india. . . and she plans to make it a full year there. i’m so excited for her. i think it’s a large and necessary step. i know our communications will be less frequent. . . and somehow i feel my complaint crabbiness from work and lame sporadic boy problems will so pale in comparison to her everyday trials and achievements. i mean really. . .. how much can the gossip about project runway matter? i will miss that kind of banter terribly. . . and yet, i can’t wait to hear or read about her daily adventures.

and it being august, this week has been a little easier. all the shows are up and running, and we’ve had fewer hours to put in. but it will only be for a week. next week we start working on apprentice scenes. . . and maybe there will be one more week of ‘simple work.’ and then. . . more departures.

mmmm. . . maybe some family fun center for tomorrow though! maybe. . . .

7.13.2006

iz too long. . . let me sum up. . .


well. i had the day off today, so naturally i only had to start work 3 hours before everyone else. . . . but overall, only put in about 7 work hours. . . not bad for a day off. . .

it was completely craptastic though. if the dude from batteries plus hadn’t let me in on the fact that lowes- a grocery i’ve never been to, carries dry ice- i may have had to institutionalize myself on the spot. you see a few days ago we NEEDED dry ice to test a fog effect. there was none in santa fe. so i was sent to los alamos to get some. as it turned out, i really didn’t want to be at work anyway, so the drive was a nice change of pace, though i would’ve liked it more had we actually tested the dry ice effect by the end of the evening. . . .oooooopsie! oh well. c’est la vie. . . or rather. . . c’est MA vie.

the noon time shopping/ traffic in this town is getting to me. it’s about as fun as screwing a chainsaw. . . . sideways. someone cut me off in a target isle and i honestly thought about punching him. in fact i took great delight in envisioning the entire scene of me just turning around and decking him square in the jaw. then it occurred to me that that particular action may land me in jail. . . . *lightbulb* a day off! honestly, the only thing that troubled me was the thought that i might lose my pocket knife while being jailed. granted, they’d confiscate all my on person possessions. . . but would i get the knife back after being released?

i did have the evening off. . . and let my brain fizzle out over some indian food and project runway. . . yeah! season 3!

why doesn’t indian food grow off the leaves of my house plants. . . it would make things soooooo much easier. can we get the bio technicians working on that?

lets see. . . what else. forgot my aunt’s birthday! dammit, still gotta get out a belated birthday wish.

i spent a decent amount of time inviting people to a free dress rehearsal of the show that i think is really worth seeing this summer. and i’ve been severely disappointed in the turn out. though there are a few people who are completely excited about the opportunity. . . and maybe that would make up for it. . . . had i not had a side screwing chainsaw type day.

ummm. . . . our participation in the prop tart coronation was rather successful. since it was such a lame theme- ‘all that glitters is gold’- we finally landed on ‘showering the prop tart queen in gold’ physically, it was a light fixture made to look like a shower head with golden light and golden tinsel streaming out of it. . . . but combine that with the earl of electrics arriving in his fake monthly bath and a bunch of sexual innuendoes. . . . and you have the prop tart queen receiving a golden shower from the early of electrics. excellent response to a craptastic theme- i think.

my boss during the winter, the technical director, is leaving the company after this summer. what’s really weird about that is that he announced it at a production meeting on tuesday, and i didn’t find out till that friday. -that means that even the rumor mill isn’t doing a good job of moving information around. . . . pathetic.

there’s this guy from another department that asked to borrow an inductive ohm meter last night. and the group of us kind of sat at the table all collectively thinking. . . ‘what a tool!’ the guy. . . not the actual tool. surprisingly i put the words together in my head and realized that he would like to borrow an ‘amp clamp.’ no one who actually owns an inductive ohm meter calls it an inductive ohm meter- that’s like calling a ‘slinky’ a ‘wave motion demonstrator’. . . . people who actually own this tool call it an amp clamp. . . . only complete assholes call it an inductive ohm meter. then, after trying to use it, he had to call my boss and ask for help. not me- the owner of said amp clamp. . . but my boss. -asshole! note to reader- apparently people who ask for an inductive ohm meter -instead of an amp clamp- also have no idea of how to use one.

he asked to borrow it again today. . . . and i made him call it an amp clamp before i handed it to him.- makes me wanna punch babies. . . and i’m not even close to my period! if only i had some super hero powers and could make peoples’ heads explode just by staring at them hard. . . . i’d have to deal with a lot fewer idiots.

let see. . . oh, the paint apprentice in the prop shop quit. . . . making three people to quit from props, one carpenter, one paint apprentice, and the lead prop painter-, yes the girl who was our roommate.

wow, i’m about to fall asleep at my computer. . . so i’ll finish off quick like.

pros for the past couple of weeks- new camera to play with, and new video ipod. now i can watch zefrank’s podcasts anywhere i can carry the pod. . . yay. honestly. . . . it just makes every public restroom into my own private livingroom with a tv and a can. brilliant!

i shall leave you with the immortal words of a friend of mine who i’ve been pushing to start a blog.

“however, if you should find yourself disturbed by any of the things you find herein, take a deep breath, close your eyes, and simply do as i do--blame erika. this blog is totally her fault.”

i blame myself.

7.04.2006

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this was one of the larger gag gifts from this season's opening night. pretty much a team effort with a really cool comic book program and a bit of photoshopping. . .

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6.27.2006

gremlin


gremlin
Originally uploaded by ekissam.

ok. . . is it just me, or does my window fan start to look like a gremlin head from a distance?

6.11.2006

last day off and such

our last real day off was last sunday, the 4th. instead of sleeping in, cleaning, grocery shopping, or doing nothing- like my penultimate last day off- i got together with a group of coworkers to make the most of it. we all hopped into a car and headed out to albuquerque for the hinkle family fun center! we gave ourselves something like 5 or 6 hours. . . thinking we’d get sick of it eventually. it was hot and sunny, so there’s no better place to start than the bumper boats, where we can soak each other and cool off a bit. my first boat had a bum motor, so lesley pushed me over to the edge where i switched boats. . . only to get one that didn’t spray. . . dammit. either way we all got sufficiently soaked. . .

hey, why not dry off while playing some put put golf? -last year, when a group of us went to the fun center, there weren’t enough people interested in put put, so we skipped it. . . i really thought i missed out. . . . i found out this time, that i didn’t. remember put put? . . .with the windmill, and the clown mouth, and holes that you had to sink in order to end up in a good area on the green, sand traps, hills, and other such obstacles? apparently the hinkles never saw these. the only ‘obstacle’ was water. WHA???!!! no windmill!. . . no closing clown mouth! for a couple of holes, using our own putters, we simulated windmill blades. . . or whatever- just to make it interesting. perhaps, this being the desert and all, water was thought of as enough of a exotic item that making it the singular obstacle was enough. there were two courses, the ‘lake’ and ‘stream’ course. . . hmmmmm. we started skipping holes, and just hitting the ones we thought looked more fun. and we finally finished it up.

then, onto go carts! yeah. . . a bit of action. . . finally. and around this time we kind of noticed that time may become and issue. we still had a lot of tokens for the arcade, and we had laser tag left. . . and a couple of us wanted to try this virtual game. we all hit the arcade for a little bit while waiting for our turn at laster tag. last time there was only a group of five of us. there were 7 of us on the trip, and we were joined by something like another ten people. . . maybe more, it was pretty damn crowded. it’s always a good time, and we even tried to have a bit of strategy- lie moving in teams and guarding base and such. hmm, maybe it’s my lack of strategy. . . . because. sad to say, i am particularly bad at laser tag. it’s possible that i redeem myself through the virtual robot war game, which i won. but the group of us squeaked that in even after the 10pm closing. so, the 7 of us now have this bucket-o-tokens if we ever get back.

10:30 on a sunday in new mexico is not a good time to want to eat dinner out. luckily the summer hours at some fast food joints have kicked in. so we grabbed some concrete outside the wendy’s and enjoyed our dinner.

so, that’s it till july 2nd. we ‘re actually just finishing up our first long week. sort of an exciting night. a light focus going on real slow and all. the raked deck has a split in it to open up and reveal a new scene. it’s half the deck, so it’s pretty large and heavy. it’s counterweighted by these large water ballasts below the stage. the ballasts are on arms and it will only take the strength of two operators to move the whole deck. well, last night, during focus- tomorrow being tech, one of the arms snapped and a part of the deck attempted to cantilever up. like a mini earthquake on stage. it was fixed toa point where we could continue the focus. . . but it will be interesting to see if and how it’s fixed for use tonight in tech. . . .

till later.

carfit


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Originally uploaded by ekissam.

alright people. it's our last day off till july 2nd. everyone into the car for a good dose of fun.

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Originally uploaded by ekissam.

dammit. my sprayer's down, guess i'll shoot pictures instead.

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ahh, common. . . it's just water!

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travis, you're off the course. how are you gonna pop that thing back onto the green?

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brilliant!

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ahh man, we lost another one.

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righto! we shall make our own obstacles!

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man, i don't remember put put being this boring.

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Originally uploaded by ekissam.

common, we've been bored off our asses on the put put course. let us go!

soul meets body


I want to live where soul meets body
And let the sun wrap its arms around me
And bathe my skin in water cool and cleansing
And feel, feel what its like to be new

Cause in my head there’s a greyhound station
Where I send my thoughts to far off destinations
So they may have a chance of finding a place
where they’re far more suited than here

I cannot guess what we'll discover
We turn the dirt with our palms cupped like shovels
But I know our filthy hands can wash one another’s
And not one speck will remain

I do believe it’s true
That there are roads left in both of our shoes
If the silence takes you
Then I hope it takes me too
So brown eyes I hold you near
Cause you’re the only song I want to hear
A melody softly soaring through my atmosphere

Where soul meets body
Where soul meets body
Where soul meets body

I do believe it’s true
That there are roads left in both of our shoes
If the silence takes you
Then I hope it takes me too
So brown eyes I hold you near
Cause you’re the only song I want to hear
A melody softly soaring through my atmosphere
A melody softly soaring through my atmosphere
A melody softly soaring through my atmosphere
A melody softly soaring through my atmosphere

-Death Cab for Cutie


I will follow you into the dark

Love of mine some day you will die
But I'll be close behind
I'll follow you into the dark

No blinding light or tunnels to gates of white
Just our hands clasped so tight
Waiting for the hint of a spark
If heaven and hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the NOs on their vacancy signs

If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark

In Catholic school as vicious as Roman rule
I got my knuckles brusied by a lady in black
And I held my tongue as she told me
"Son fear is the heart of love"
So I never went back

If heaven and hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the NOs on their vacancy signs

If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark

You and me have seen everything to see
From Bangkok to Calgary
And the soles of your shoes are all worn down
The time for sleep is now
It's nothing to cry about
Cause we'll hold each other soon
The blackest of rooms

If heaven and hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the NOs on their vacancy signs

If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark
Then I'll follow you into the dark

-Death Cab for Cutie



what sarah said

And it came to me then that every plan is a tiny prayer to father time
As I stared at my shoes in the ICU that reeked of piss and 409
And I rationed my breathes as I said to myself that I'd already taken too much today
As each descending peak of the LCD took you a little farther away from me

Amongst the vending machines and year-old magazines in a place where we only say goodbye
It stung like a violent wind that out memories depend on a faulty camera in our minds
But I knew that you were a truth I would rather lose than to have never lain beside at all
And I looked around at all the eyes on the ground as the TV entertained itself

'Cause there's no comfort in the waiting room
Just nervous pacers bracing for bad news
And then the nurse comes round and everyone will lift their heads
But I'm thinking of what Sarah said that "Love is watching someone die"

So who's going to watch you die?..

-Death Cab for Cutie


5.27.2006

i don't feel. . .


hear i am, with a day off- (it’s still pretty early in the season) and i can’t seem to be inspired by anything to do.

of all the books on my shelf that are unread, i don’t feel like reading any of them.

i saw davinci code last weekend, and x-men last night, and nothing else seems to be striking my fancy.

i should have plenty to catch up on from work- blogwise, but i don’t feel like it.

i should run around a get some errands out of the way, but i don’t feel like it.

i should go to the gym, but i don’t feel like it.

i should wax my legs, but i don’t feel like it.

i should shower before going out, but i don’t feel like it.

(guess i could rationalize that i want to conserve water. . . )

there’s some cleaning around the house that’s begging to be taken care of. . . but i don’t feel like it.

i kinda just want to sit around and read a comic book, but i don’t have the one i want, which should spawn into a shopping trip, but i don’t feel like feeding the retail therapy beast today. daily show looked like a set of repeats this week, so i started downloading more episodes of QI. . . what is it about an intelligent and comedic british guy, that their ability to talk with a slight air of knowledgeable authority will immediately turn them into drool material? add a bit of daring 80’s androgynous make up and i’m a puddle of mush on the floor.

man, i wish i could carry more information in my brain. . . and have it easily accessible. the bizarre facts that stephen frye spouts out during the show are so fantastic, and yet, by the end of an episode i’m not even able to relate what was discussed in a general sense, let alone a true factoid. i have a few friends that are better with archival, historic, and obscure trivia type knowledge- i kind of categorize them together in my head, but none of them have ever met one another. i love being around them and getting them started on a subject. john, sarah, and neill. . . they’re all incredibly well spoken too. . . one finally started a blog, which i love reading, and i’ve prodded the other two several times, to little avail. if they were to write a book together, or have a talk show of some kind. . . that is exactly what i would be in the mood for right now. . . which is possibly why i’ve filled the void with QI. . . and the lack of initiative for the day. . . because what i want doesn’t exist readily available to me. ouch. . . self realization. . . i want something i can’t have. good theme for the day.

and tell me, why is it that on a day like today- where i decide to shun the outside world and human interaction-even possibly only leave my room for proper edible provisions and bathroom breaks, that i can’t for the life of me figure out a way of having large quantities of chocolate delivered directly to my door?! or perhaps some coldstone creamery ice cream. . . the apple pie flavor sans the apples and made with cake batter ice cream instead of their sweet cream ice cream. dammit. . . .i’ll have to shower and dress if i’m going to procure any of that. i guess now would be a good time to have a compliant boyfriend. . . or just a friend that feels like doting on my pathetic ass. . . or to become incredibly wealthy and partake of my ‘man servant’s’ duties.

do wealthy women have ‘man servants?’.. . . or ‘woman servants?’ as if i will someday need to know the difference. . . BAH!

as john would say, with a wave of his hand, ‘bring me my grapes!’

i have this itch to do something, but i am completely uninspired. . . and i’ve had a couple of waking hours to work on this. . . so it’s not like i haven’t tried to think of something.

i don’t feel like:
(continued from above)
going to a museum
shopping for groceries
shopping for fun
updating my myspace page/ friendster/ bebo/ facebook/ orkut etc
cleaning
sunning
hiking
cooking
reading
writing- let’s face it, i’m barely doing a mediocre job of updating this blog!
organizing
calling and chatting
listening to radio talk shows
making care packages for people
origami
checking out whatever lame show cable has to offer
figuring out the rubics cube (lasted a full 3 minutes before getting bored)
texting my friends
creating a postcard for postsecret
playing katamari damacy
playing piano (though i wouldn’t mind, it would involve showering and leaving the house which seems like two ‘anti’ steps to get to one that i’m not even sure would be worth it)
sweeping up the dead bug off my bathroom floor
watching out for my roommate’s dog
moping around to melancholy music

see. . . i’ve been mulling it over.

a ‘do over’ on today sounds nice. maybe try waking up slightly earlier and just forcing a day to happen. . . or perhaps i’ll just see if taking on a vampire’s schedule will do the trick. i’ll pass out for the rest of the daylight hours and wake up to see if i feel productive once the sun has gone down. . .. or just fill the rest of the day with however many episodes of QI i can . . . . or my computer can download.

is this the precursor that other people have before they move to spend their entire day drinking or smoking? what makes me more predisposed to just sleeping? ok. . . QI calls. later.




4.23.2006

EVERYTHING. EVERYONE. EVERYWHERE. ENDS. - warning, contains some spoilers.



i recently got my roommate hooked on six feet under. she’s only seen the fourth season on up though. never the less. . . hooked. the 5th season recently came out and i added it to my netflix. we got through the first disc midweek, and then had two more for the weekend. since neither of us had much to do saturday night we were psyched to rip through the two discs. i knew there had to be an end, and i really wanted to see how it was done. it was kind leaked to me that everyone died. . . but i needed to see for myself. i was so happy to see a resurgence of the quirky inner monologue flashes that had waned in more recent seasons, like claire breaking out into a cabaret type song about how much her panty hose were bothering her at work, or david breaking into a memory of playing a part in a grade school production of ‘anything goes’. . . anyway. . . the end of the third and last disc i had in my hands, left us needing more.

there was nate, set to die again. . . they’d brought him back before, but i figured it would be different this time. . . and we needed to see for ourselves.

so, pajama clad, both katy and i decided to add hoodies to our attire to hide our bra-lessness, she donned glasses and i topped my freakishly looking red mop of a head in a hat. . . apparently watching tv for several hours can turn my hair into something akin to carrot top or side show bob . we headed out to hollywood video around 8pm, in order to acquire the last two dvds in the series. we then plopped down for another 4 hours. . . 4 hours of absolute gut wrenching anguish. seriously, i was dehydrated from crying and blowing my nose so much. it wasn’t bad. . . it was amazing. . . well written, like all the other episodes. . . but watching the pain of the characters was so tormenting. by the last episode, i was relieved the leave the story.

i’m wondering, does anyone know if the brief appearance of george’s short lived fiance, ‘joy’ was a nod to that other cable show about death, dead like me?- katy and i also netflixed those shows. it, too, was well written, honest, quirky, but respectful. . . and the mom from that show, joy, had one scene as george’s fiance. . . and i was wondering if that was intentional? seems a waste if it wasn’t. . . .

anyway, closing in on the last half hour of the last episode i’m wondering, how are they gonna pull off the death of everyone. i began cringing anytime a large group of them were in a room together. . . would billy finally lose it and spray them all with bullets from a automatic weapon? would there be a large terrible food poisoning accident at a family dinner? would their funeral cavalcade get squashed by an 18 wheeler that had lost control? would there be some terrible bombing of the funeral home? alas, none of it. . . thank goodness! how it was handled was unexpected- to me. . . true to the show, sad, but easing. . . i guess. . . you’ll have to judge for yourself, should you choose to.

bloodshot


bloodshot
Originally uploaded by ekissam.

you know how i said i was crying a lot, and blowing my nose. . . a lot. . . . guess i put a little strain on the old eyes. or just one eye. totally bloodshot. i've never even had a bloodshot eye. . . . this is a lot! this is even more gross than the aeon flux eye thing, i think.

4.19.2006

dribbles and bits, and bits. . .

. . . and bits. . .

i hate getting out of bed in the middle of the night, even to pee. for the past couple of nights my bladder’s been screaming at me. one night i ignored it. . kept sleeping through, but it forced me to have a dream of peeing. before you get too excited about me possibly peeing the bed. . . that didn’t happen. however, when you pee in a dream, and not in real life. . . you get no release. so there i am, peeing in my dream. . . yet there is no relief. . . should’ve just gotten my ass outta bed to pee.

. . . and bits. . . .

i have a genuine santa fe car now. not because i got new mexico plates- i’ve had those for a while. in fact nothing was added to make my car genuine. . . in fact, something was lost. a hub cap to be exact. lame. and yet, my car seems to fit in better. maybe i should punch out a window and cover it in clear plastic. . . that, or go out and buy an SUV and add some spinners.

. . . and bits. . .

there was a story on npr this morning about a musician in st. louis. i can remember the name. . . but there’s no recordings of his piano playing, except possibly some player piano music reels. someone i knew or know had a player piano. it was either my aunt or my piano teacher. i think it might have been my piano teacher because i seem to remember being allowed to choose a music reel as a reward. i remember choosing, ‘you are so beautiful’. . . i think.

. . . and bits. . .

i used to be a much better task manager. my daily planner at school weighed at least 5 pounds. it was immediately obvious if i didn’t place it in my bag in the morning. my time used to be far more in demand, and i was able to get more done. . . somehow. i blame the lack of urgency in my life, especially during the winter. i need to make a better list, and i need to pay more attention to it, and attack it with a little more veracity. oh well, summer will be here soon enough, free time will be only a figment of my distant memory.

. . . and bits. . .

i used to be incredibly afraid of doctors. after a small childhood trauma i couldn’t go near them. mom and dad bought me a fisher-price doctor kit so i could try to ease into doctor’s visits. i made quite the scene in kindergarten when it was time for our tetanus shots. once i saw the line up of needles in the nurse’s office i just flipped. several, at least three, maybe five? teachers and other adults were called in to hold me down- little 5 year old me, what a hellion. i’ve gotten much better with doctors and needles since. . . but if you think i’m over it i’ve got news for you. during a recent doctor visit i had my blood pressure taken. . . twice. . . since the first number was totally scary, even the doc thought maybe i was suffering from some white coat anziety. the ‘before’ blood pressure was 18. . . that’s EIGHTEEN! points higher than the ‘after’ number.


. . . anyway. . . look at me, blogging mid-week. . . what WILL the neighbors say?

4.10.2006

superorange


superorange
Originally uploaded by ekissam.

did i get your attention?

yeah, so this bowl of mandarin oranges sat with it's lid on about three weeks too long- totally my fault. it was DIS-GUS-TING to open. gooey, fuzzy, NASTY.

however, recently i've been pondering my own outcast standing. sometimes it's good and sometimes it's bad to be the outsider.-this i understand. but here is nature in action. . . in this particular bowl of oranges, being an outsider means being SUPER MANDARIN!, able to outlive the vile decomposition happening all around it. yeah, not an exact corrolation to my life. . . but LOOK at it. horrible, but you can't stop staring.

liz&amanda


liz&amanda
Originally uploaded by ekissam.

liz stopped by with her friend amanda, on their way out to la jolla. for a fun morning jaunt, i took them to fridgehenge.

liz&me


liz&me
Originally uploaded by ekissam.

liz's mind was flooded with fond memories as we took an opera tour. and we paused briefly for a shot.

gc2


gc2
Originally uploaded by ekissam.

i figured it was time for me to post some of the grand canyon pictures.

gc4


gc4
Originally uploaded by ekissam.

on the first leg of my rim trail hike, i interupted breakfast. wasn't it nice of her to pose though? you can't see all of them, but behind me was something like 13 deer, and they were THAT close.

gc6


gc6
Originally uploaded by ekissam.

i didn't quiet master the 'me in the foreground, canyon in the background' shot. . . but oh well.

gc8


gc8
Originally uploaded by ekissam.

not a bad view.

gc9


gc9
Originally uploaded by ekissam.

i could take and post thousands of pictures. . . but, it's just not the same as seeing it.

crater1


crater1
Originally uploaded by ekissam.

meteor crater on the way back home from the grand canyon.

crater2


crater2
Originally uploaded by ekissam.

this astronaut wall of fame is outside the meteor crate.

crater3


crater3
Originally uploaded by ekissam.

one of the astronaut's name's here is someone my mom will recognize.

origamiaerial


origamiaerial
Originally uploaded by ekissam.

i had a little hobby time on my hands a number of weekends ago. . . so i made some cranes . . .ok, quite a few cranes.

origamilineup


origamilineup
Originally uploaded by ekissam.

origami cranes on parade.

mobile


mobile
Originally uploaded by ekissam.

i made some origami flowers as well, and turned some of them into a baby mobile for a friend's newborn. this is the view from below. . . try to imagine it without the ceiling fan behind it.

4.08.2006

i got nuthin'

i need a haircut so bad i’ve been dreaming about visiting a salon. but still, i want to hold out a bit, so it lasts a little longer into the summer. it’s getting really annoying though.

i got the katamari damacy game soundtrack from my friend, dan (thank you!). i LOVE it. i haven’t stopped listening to it. does that make me an official addict?

i’m netflixing some more sopranos. peter bogdanovich is the director of this one. he gave a speech at my college graduation.

hey, i warned you. . . i got nuthin’.

4.06.2006

the home depot chronicles, part 34

i’ve been thinking about writing, or at least detailing my more interesting stories from being a professional shopper. granted, i’m not solely a shopper, nor am i a personal assistant type shopper. i do a lot of the shopping for the santa fe opera scene shop during the winter, and about the same for the electric shop during the summer. yet, i’ve have so many fantastic, and fantastically maddening tales. . . . i mentioned it to my roommate as well. she is also a shopper- she works in the prop shop for the opera, come to think of it, i have another friend, who’s worked as a prop shopper for a couple of theatres. . . man, we could put together a BOOK! too bad, i didn’t write it all down as it happened. . . now i’ll have to make use of my poor memory. . . . but not today!

i’d spent the better half of the day driving from place to place in albuquerque, dropping off broken equipment and picking up a few other items. i only had one place left to go before heading back to the opera to finish out my day. . . home depot. most of my best stories happen here. all i can think is, ‘when will a lowe’s or something move into santa fe? home depot needs some serious competition.’ trust me, whenever feasible i take my business to smaller, more helpful hardware stores. . . . but i still get to home depot anywhere from 2 to 5 times a week on average. . . . sometimes as much as three times a day. . .. those are really bad days.

so, there i was, on a very long line with 3 items.* a couple packages of zip ties, and a broom, that’s it. finally it was my turn, the cashier scanned the two bags of zip ties and then grabbed the broom. the upc had been ripped off the cardboard packaging. i hadn’t noticed. . . and since i abhor having to wait for a price check, i’m usually very careful to make sure everything has it’s pricing. i’m especially careful when i need to have something cut, like a piece of molding or some electrical wire. i ask for the sku# as well as a sticker from the worker that made the cut, so there is no question. . . . but there i am, with no bar code. the cashier looks as me and says, ‘there’s no bar code.’ i say, ‘damn, i didn’t even notice.’ she stares at me a while, and i can see the wheels turning. i know exactly what she’s thinking, she wants me to go get a different one. but no way am i rolling over and acting like it’s my fault that the upc was ripped off her company’s merchandise. so i stand there and stare back. she picks up her walkie and says, ‘well i can call someone, or you can go get another.’ at this point i have a very rapid argument in my head. the first side went something like this, ‘well, doesn’t this company employ and pay people on the floor, in part for this purpose? and why should i be doing my job as well as your co-worker’s job?’. . . . but then i quickly thought of all the wonderful (sniff sniff. . . that would be sarcasm) help i’ve received on the floor of this fine establishment. i smiled real big and said, ‘well, i bet i’ll be faster.’ and turned on my heels. i really wish i had added a, ‘won’t i?’ to the end of it, just for added rhetorical snarkiness. after all, the store has just had some major remodeling. . . and it takes me a couple extra minutes to find whatever i’m looking for, now that it’s all moved around. . . . and if it takes me a couple extra minutes, then it will take their employees at least double what it takes me. i arrive back, with my upc emblazened broom, pay, and leave. . . . seething.

of course the rest of my day went to suit. my computer died, well actually exploded yesterday- no shrapnel. . . just a big POP and fizzle. i got a new tower the same day, but the program i use to budget wasn’t working. that got fixed shortly after i got back to the opera. i started going over some of the receipts, and went to print. . . but that function wasn’t working. . .right at a few minutes to five. . . so IT is gone, and i don’t get to finish anything. arg.

it’s possible that dealing with home depot is just slightly less annoying than dealing with sprint customer service. it’s a good thing there are no infants in my day to day life. . . days like this make me want to punch babies.




*note, there is always a long line. there are only about 2 or 3 cashiers at one time. an extra cashier will try to persuade you to move to the self check out which will promptly break down, or won’t scan your large package or read it on it’s weight sensor correctly, then prompting you to ‘please place package in bag area“ for 3 minutes before the manager resets it, or it will need a paper receipt roll change as you go to pay. in my case, i still need to have the cashier come around to check my tax exempt card, then hunt down the proper tax exempt forms which are (usually) readily available at a non self check out station. . . all in all, more trouble than standing in line for a while.

4.01.2006

oh, what!

i realize i’ve done very little with this blog lately. . . . guess i’ve been uninspired. work has been work, life has been life. . . not too much to note. my roomie got a dog, and i suppose i should post a pic or something. . . but i just don’t feel like it. and i’ve been kicking around with a couple more philosophical ideas. . . but they are gonna be long winded, and i’m just not ready to tackle it.

i did have a friend travel through this week. liz chany, a friend from kent, was moving from the dc area to la jolla. she and a friend were making the drive together and they stopped by monday evening. liz had been telling her friend, amanda, about all these great places to eat and such here in santa fe. . . . we did do cowgirl for dinner, and maria’s for margaritas. . . and of course. . . baking company for breakfast in the morning. . . -best orange juice in town. they were gonna do some walking around in the plaza and all before they left, but i got to take them to a few places before i had to get to work.

first off. . . who could miss ‘fridgehenge’. . . . well, once you know it exists! so we took a quick drive out there and then out to the opera for a whirlwind tour. then i headed back to work and they went on their way. it was really fun to sit and chat and try to catch up on news about each other as well as anyone else we had been in touch with. then they told me that their next stop was the grand canyon! and NEITHER of them had ever been there before! WELL. . . i had to give them any advice i possibly could. . . the whole ‘sunrise/ sunset’ thing. . . . the IMAX thing. . . and how i could tell them how amazed they were going to be, but how it wouldn’t do the actual feeling and experience any justice. i can’t wait to hear their thoughts!

ummmmm. . . . i started playing video games. yes, as my 30th birthday present from my brother, i got a playstation 2. i’ve never been much of a gamer. . . just missed that ride somehow. i got a little interested in ‘american mcgee’s alice’. . . . but i still have never finished it- i got all the way to the end at school once. i had the game saved on a special computer lab computer. and after getting to the last boss and needing to save it in order to finish my homework. . . .the lab crashed a couple of days later. . . i lost all my saves. . . and since i’m really bad at the game. . . i need those saves in order to survive. well, i never quite got back to it after that.

i was recently introduced to katamari damacy. . . and i have to admit, i’m a sucker for the cartoony games- i always picked sonic over anything else my friends had. well, i mentioned to my brother that i would like to try it out. . . and he offered to set me up. i’m thinking. . . how often am i really gonna play? so i declined. then a couple of weeks later, i was in a more whimsical mood.. . . and i said, ‘yeah, set me up.’ he sent me out the playstation 2 and a couple of games, including katamari. dude. . . i love this game. i’m not so good at it. . . . but i do get better and advance through the levels. . . and the music is crazy fun. . . . and since my weekend evenings are a little quiet, i can sit around and play without bothering anyone. doubt i’ll get to play much during the summer. . . but maybe i’ll bring the station in and set it up to play in downtime during shows. we’ll see.

well. . . .i gotta roll. . . my katamari that is!