as if!

i’ve been worrying, and thinking, and quasi planning- but not planning too much. . . and following this pre-landing flight pattern. . . and now i have coordinates and i can complete my planning and my landing.

after a tumultuous month and a half. . . i’ve gotten some incredible news. i have a new job! i have to move! i have to find a new apartment. . . . in california. . . . before november 6 when i start the new job at calarts. oy!

i guess all the worrying, thinking, and quasi planning overwhelmed me a bit though. i noticed on monday and tuesday that my heart rate seemed a little racy. i had a hard time getting to sleep at night. . . a hard time relaxing and shutting down my brain. . . . and i was waking up 45 minutes before my alarm was set to go off- trust me when i stress that waking up to early is not usually a problem that i’m accustomed to.

so wednesday happened. there was a little more stress with the added event of telling my current employers that i was considering a new job, but everything went really well. i joined katy for some evening tv at her new apartment- since i still don’t have cable- and she felt the need for me to catch up and share in the new episodes of lost and project runway. we had a fantastic evening in front of the tv and then i went home.

it was quiet there, and my heart was still racing. so i did some exercises, then i tried to relax. my heart was still racing. then i really tried to breath deeply and meditate or whatever. nothing was helping and the more i worried about my heart, the louder it got in my ears, and the faster it seemed. so, i put my clothes back on and and drove to the emergency room. according to my initial tests, i had wicked high blood pressure, and an accelerated heart rate. from that point, i got the full treatment; ekg reading, blood tests, urine tests, chest x-ray, and constant monitoring. every 15 minutes i watched my blood pressure drop on the monitor, but my heart rate remained high. according to all my tests, my heart was fine, i’m not anemic, my thyroid is good. . . everything in order, except for a raised element of stress and anxiety. they were having a busy night at the hospital, and i sat there for a good 4 hours. i read from a book i had with me, i watched some video blogs on my ipod, and i tried really hard to fall asleep, but it wasn’t happening. when the doctor came to give me my assessment i was wide awake. he said he had covered all the bases and had to think it was anxiety driven, and the fact that i was still sitting up and awake at 5:30 in the morning, pointed that maybe i had something on my mind.

my consolation prize? a follow up visit to my doctor and tranquilizers. sweet sweet tranquilizers. . . . my bridge to a good relaxing night’s sleep for a few days.

while i recounted the whole thing to my mom she tells me that she was prone to those types of episodes as well. wow. . . thanks for the tip.

so, i’ve caught you up on the good, and the interesting. . . .

now, please excuse me, i have a myriad of lists to make. .. lists of all the things i need to accomplish before and in order to leave. -then, i have to accomplish them. so, forgive me if my phone answering, email answering, and blogging is a bit spotty.

ps . . . did i tell you about the mouse incident?

ok real quick. . . and hopefully you didn’t just eat lunch or dinner.

i had a strike call a couple of weeks ago. i had been walking around the electrics shop, and i got a sense that perhaps there was a dead mouse somewhere, but it was real faint, so i wasn’t sure if i was getting a good reading. a few people started showing up. i was pulling floorplates off of units that we had set up for a concert a little while back. i’d pick up a unit and put it on the table to work with. the entire time i had a conversation running across the work table, and more people were showing up. i picked up the next unit, placed it on the table and stepped to where it had been on the floor. there was an immense *POP* i had been packing boxes the week before and there were a lot of packing peanuts and bubble wrap around, but i thought i’d put it all away, and then figured that i’d missed some bubble wrap. i hadn’t. it wasn’t bubble wrap. it was a dead mouse. i stepped on it, and it *POPPED*. . . loudly! most people were just grossed out by the noise. . . i had the noise, and the feeling of having stepped on a once living thing that then violently expelled all of it’s internal gasses in one extremely foul swoop -the noise and the feeling in my head as well. you know how sometimes you avoid stepping on the big bugs to kill them, because you don’t want to feel them crunch. . . this is worse, much worse. avoid at all costs. thank goodness someone else was brave enough to clean it up. . . i can usually handle dragging a dead mouse to the trash. . . . but not this time.

ok, that’s it for now. onto that self proclaimed list of things to do.