so i don't mean to be kinda morbid. . . or depressing. . . but this is the only thing that came into mind today. . .

i was listening to barenaked ladies. . .maroon. overall a good album, and sometime maybe i can relate a story of how i ended up being their lightboard operator one evening. but it was this one song that caught my attention. it starts off with a semi twisted calliope music, but then the vocals and the rest of the song is really kinda pretty. even though the idea of the whole thing is rather sad. it's called tonight is the night i fell asleep at the wheel.

sadly it reminds me of this guy, ray beamus. i worked as an usher with him for a local summer theatre company when i was 13. to be completely honest, he was really cute, and exceptionally sweet. an older, cute guy being really sweet to me wasn't exactly par for my life course. . . so i had a pretty good crush on him. i remember one night at the theatre where we were particularly busy. i had made a few runs to let people into special access areas for wheelchairs on a side entrance of the theatre. when i came back ray insisted on taking all the patrons who had seats in the area furthest from the entrance. he always called me 'sweetheart' which would piss off a friend of mine at the time, who also had a crush on him. (it was rare when i made other girls jealous, so i quietly relished it) but i'm pretty sure he was dating another girl from our highschool at the time.

anyway, sometime one summer, he was driving late at night and fell asleep beind the wheel. he died instantly on an impact with another car. the other car saw him in the wrong lane and moved into the opposite lane, but honked their horn which woke him up. he quickly moved into the correct lane but into the oncoming car.

on the news in the morning i misheard and thought maybe his grandfather died. i heard an 80 year old ray beamus was killed, but my parents corrected me and told me, an 18 year old. for some reason i always wanted to visit his grave. . . but i have no memory of where he was buried. i had cried myself to sleep for months afterward. he was the first young person i knew to die. mostly, it's when i'm driving the same road through antwerp in northern ny that i get upset anymore.

i just emailed a friend of mine who i haven't seen in a long time. i told him how much i appreciated his frienship when i was not so happy with a recent move across the country. turns out he just had a bad time at a job interview and the email brightened his mood. never can tell when those little things will become important. . . wish i let ray know how much i liked his presence.

anyway, for those who don't know the lyrics to the song. . . i copied them from some site and added them below.

Tonight is the night i fell asleep at the wheel.

Driving home to be with you
The highway's dividing, the city's in view
As usual, I'm almost on time
You're the last thing that's on my mind
I wish I could tell you the way that I feel
But tonight is the night I fell asleep at the wheel

No commotion, no screaming brakes
Most of it's over before I awake
From the ceiling, my coffee cup drips
While out my window, the horizon does flips
The worst part was hitting the ground -
Not the feeling so much as the sound
Can't help but wonder if all this is real
Cause tonight is the night I fell asleep at the wheel

Rubberneck traffic and passersby
And Slow Motion Walter the fire engine guy
Stand around with their mouths open wide
I heard some idiot ask if someone's inside
With the Jaws of Life they tried and they tried
Nobody here can know how I feel
Cause tonight is the night I fell asleep at the wheel

I guess it's over now
Cause I've never seen so much
Never seen so much, never seen so much
Never seen so much, never seen so much
I guess it's over now
Cause I've never seen so much
Never seen so much, never seen so much
Never seen so much, never seen so much
So much blood

In all the confusion, there's something serene
I'm just a posthumous part of the scene
Now I'm floating above looking in
As the radio blares and wheels spin
I can see my face slump with a grin
And you...you're the last thing on my mind
You're the last thing on my mind
You're the last thing on my mind
You're the last thing on my mind

really. . . the song is kinda pretty. . . in a way

"and we'll be saying a big hello to all intelligent life forms everywhere . . .and to everyone else out there, the secret is to bang the rocks together, guys."



after bono used this strong adjective on some award show, the fcc is looking to loosen it's policies on the use of the word fuck in tv. however. . . we shan't be allowed to go willy nilly on it's use. . . there are rules! the way it sounds, basically, is that as long as it is an adjective and not a verb. . . it's ok. so it is ok to use it to add emphasis to an exclaimation such as, "this is fucking terrible," or, "this is fucking great, just fucking great." however, to use it in any sexual context is still seen as vulgar and not allowed. so i guess NIN's "i wanna fuck you like an animal" would still be bleeped.

there is something somewhat interesting about it all. i think there could be a gray area in there somewhere. . . for instance, in south park the movie. . . where the same battle seems to rage on against cussing. . . . cartmen blurts out, "fuck fuckity fuck fuck." is this too over the top? it doesn't actually apply as an adjective to another word. so does that make it vulgar. . or can we assume that it is still an explicative? and here's another one, "fuck me." now. . . there could be context given in a visual sense that could take this exclaimation either way.

senario 1: a cop who has been chasing a villian for the better part of the program has finally cornered him in a deserted alley. the audience is aware that the cop's job is on the line. . . if he doesn't catch the villian he will lose his job and a bet he made with a couple of buddies which will place him as a bed pan cleaner in a geriatric ward in the local hospital for a year. as the cop approaches the villian and readies his hand cuffs, the villian transforms into a gelatenous yellow goo and seeps away into a rain drain. knowing that the cop has completely lost control of the situation, has no way of proving it and will lose his job and the bet, he turns from the scene and with utter defeat, "fuck me!" rings through the empty alley.

senario 2: a guy who is being chased by cops for tagging some grafitti on a wall runs into a large apartment building. a complex chase involving many doors and interupted home life insues. eventually the grafitti artist runs into a room discovering a bordello filled with many scantily clad women. they hide him briefly and divert the cops in another direction. as the guy slips out of the closet a few women brush up against him amorously while pulling out a set of handcuffs that they lifted from the cops. "well fuck me" is muttered closely followed by a black out on the scene.

now. .. senario 1 could be an episode of the x-files on fox. . . .while senario 2 is a bit of soft porn seen on skinamax.

i have to admit though. . . most of the time, when i hear the exclaimation "fuck me". . . it doesn't have anything to do with sex, there is usually something to do with a lost file, a broken piece of machinery, spilt coffee on a white blouse, or the last ding on the gas gauge involved. . . . but we need to take right wing conservatives into mind here. and for their benefit. . . i think this is how the rules have to be around the exclaimation, "fuck me."

again. . . this is an interpretation of what i think a right wing conservative would rule on the application of "fuck me" as an exclaimation on tv.

1 first off, it can never be muttered by a woman with any men present in the scene. since, lets face it, most of the time the female is the one calling the "yes/no" on sex, saying "fuck me" with a male present is almost as good as an invitation to a conservative. . . so it's a no go.

2 a white man can say it around other white men. . . . no problem.

3 a black man can't say it around his buddies because he is obviously talking about his bitches back at home.

4 a white man can't say it around scantily clad women. . . unless the women are she-werewolves, or she-vampires. in which his likelihood of having sex is minimized by the fact that he will probably be ripped into bloody bite sized pieces.

5 women can't say it around other women. . . because only a lesbian encounter will ensue.

6 gay men can never say it. . . even in a room filled with lesbian she-vampires, because no matter what, he's thinking of a naval battalian somewhere.

. . . ok, so much for my thoughts on the conservative right wing.

there is a really interesting use of the "fuck me" phrase is the movie, tank girl. which many people haven't seen. . . but i've seen it enough times for them. tank girl's side kick, jet, has come up against her nemesis. this ass of a man used to make sexual advances toward her (in return for her rank advancement), but she constantly pushed him away. in a final scene, where she is all decked out and looking kick-ass. . . she has a laser site on his forehead. . .knwoing that he's about to be shot. . . and by who. . . he utters "fuck me." meaning, "ahh dang it, i should've treated this girl like a human being and not like some piece of meat. if only i had treated her with respect, i wouldn't be in this situation, about to have my head blown off."

however, this time, she turns it around, and right before putting a bullet in his head, she says, "i already told you, i don't want to." this turns his last words of shame and defeat into a double entendre. wow. . . . . FAR to complex. . . keep it to cable only!

anyway. . . have a good one.

"and we'll be saying a big hello to all intelligent life forms everywhere . . .and to everyone else out there, the secret is to bang the rocks together, guys."


years ago, when i was living in virginia with some friends, we would gather for card game evenings and movie evenings. we would sit around a table, and from our discussions a movie list was made. it was really lengthy. i took that movie list, subtracted the ones i hadn't seen, and added the ones i liked, and made short descriptions of them. i made copies of the 'mega list' and passed them out to my friends. along the way, other people have asked for a copy, and i can't find mine right now, but somewhere in time, i typed up a large portion and saved it to a disc.

now anyone with a modem can benefit. i added a blog page of my movie mega list. granted. . . it is really old, and looking through some of it, i would like to revisit, revise, and aded some stuff. there are a tone of movies i've seen since that were never added. . . but i thought it would be a good place to start.

so, as always if you are bored, and in search of a movie to rent/watch you can scroll through my list as a brief guide. i've split the movies up into different categories, but some belong to more than one. anyway. . . have at it. . . and if you have any recommendations. . . email them to me. . i need to start adding more recent titles.

have a good one.

"and we'll be saying a big hello to all intelligent life forms everywhere . . .and to everyone else out there, the secret is to bang the rocks together, guys."


sorry. . but it's been a rather slow week. working. . . sleeping. . . nice and consistant for a bit. there is one bit of fun happening today. . . we are stopping work at 2 and commencing a cookout! i made a fruit salad for it. . . and prepared some carnivor smores. . . (for those of you with no prior knowledge of the carnivor smores. . . it consists of a mushroom cap wrapped in bacon on a shishkabob stick grilled. . . . quite delightful.) they are a favorite and must for all electrics crew gatherings. . . so i thought i'd let them carry over to the scene shop.
and don't worry. . . (charlie, dave, and lesley). . . i've prepare a spray bottle of water to douce out the flaming fat as it drips and hits the flames. :)

so, it is nearing lunchtime, but we've decided to skip lunch. . . since we'll be gorging at 2. . . but someone has started cooking up something bar-b-que in the hallway. . . which is so unfair! it smells so good!. . . and i want lunch! damn those tempting aromas. maybe a granola bar will tide me over. . .. HA!

other than that. . .i think jared and i plan to catch scary movie 3 this weekend. . . he seemed really excited about it. . . the first one was ok. . and the second i thought was mostly lame .. . but the teaser for this one looks rather good. . . but he's never seen "ring". . . so there may some 'research' involved before the movie. . . . do i make him watch ring. . . or ringu. . . i liked ringu more. . . but scary movie 3 probably rips on the american version. . . . oh, the trials i must endure! :)

mmmmm. . . granola bar....hmmmmmm.

yeah. . . hope you are all well!

"and we'll be saying a big hello to all intelligent life forms everywhere . . .and to everyone else out there, the secret is to bang the rocks together, guys."


finally!. . . the bit about last weekend's balloon fiesta!

well, i just did a very brief raid of my room . . . my desk looked like a media library vomited all over it. jared and i went to the glow balloon thing friday night. . . it was slightly disappointing at first. there were only 7 balloons up and glowing, and by the time we chose and stood in line for our food, paid for it and found a place to sit and eat, 3 of the balloons were on their way down. the fireworks also started out a little slow. jared was trying to be optimistic, but i was thinking about how lame the evening was turning out to be. then, we were duped. just as we were both expressing disgust at the lame ending to the fireworks, there was a second short but close firework show to our left. . . it was a continuous spray of colors and smoke. . . . fantastic, then the main firework display picked up and finished with large, bright, and noisy blasts. . . . as we were getting ready to leave, we had one more adventure in front of us, our dessert. we had predetermined that we were going to try a fried something from the fried what? stand. he ordered fried cheesecake, and i grabbed a fried snickers. even before we were able to try them out, one group of people surrounded us asking what we got, and how it was. so we took a bite. surprisingly good. i enjoyed the snickers more than the cheesecake, but jared, who really enjoys cheesecake said there was little that could make cheesecake better, but being fried qualified.

"and we'll be saying a big hello to all intelligent life forms everywhere . . .and to everyone else out there, the secret is to bang the rocks together, guys."
so. . . i picked this out of the bbc news. . . . did you have any idea that it was marriage protection week?! well, i know i didn't! check this out real fast!

For it is Marriage Protection Week in the United States, proclaimed by President George W Bush "to focus our efforts on preserving the sanctity of marriage", with the support of 30 conservative groups.

Many of these organisations believe that marriage - which they see as the bedrock of American society - has been placed in grave danger both by homosexual activists who are calling for same-sex unions, and feminists who in recent decades have placed great emphasis on women's independence and sexual liberation.

"Society has long been telling women they don't need men and they don't need marriage. But they do - sexual freedom is not a substitute. With this trend we have allowed men to become irresponsible playboys," says Janice Shaw Crouse, a senior fellow at a think-tank within Concerned Women For America, which is sponsoring the week.

"Meanwhile marriage is also under immense threat from same-sex unions, which are widely known to be promiscuous and unstable, no matter how much they say they are not."

i don't know if i can propery express my disgust over this. i had thought about giving myself a little more of the day to form my thought and feelings . . . .but no! i must vent now!

lets start with the idea of "preserving the sanctity of marriage." more than 50% of marriages end in divorce these days. . . if the sanctity is the issue, then i think we need to completely understand what this word means. according to merriam webster sanctity is : the quality or state of being holy or sacred

i feel that if people are hastily and hapharzardly getting married and then, within a few years, getting divorced. . . that kinda messes with the sacredness of the marriage institution. saying one is married doesn't carry the weight it once did. . . it seems to barely carry the ounce of paper it is declared upon. (or possibly it is heavier on the checkbook than the marriage certificate)

i really wish i had a statistic of gay and lesbian unions. i wonder if the percentage of 'same sex union splits' are as high? i think the opposition of gay and lesbian marriage is ridiculous. if people are willing to make that kind of committment to each other, they should be allowed to do so. for some reason, i also think that the adversity already faced by a gay or lesbian couple somehow strengthens their bond and makes them a more likely candidate for a lifetime union. . . but i have no facts or percentages to back me up on that one. . .

the feminist issue that was also thrown in with the whole thing i find completely absurd and irrational. ". . . With this trend we have allowed men to become irresponsible playboys," um. . .. like they weren't before?????!!!!!!!


and did you know that there were only two choices, being a woman. . . either you are married (and apparently completely faithful . . . .HA!. . . ) or you are a sexually free whore. . . i can only assume that is what is meant in the statement above.

hmmm. . . . have you ever known a couple to just be in a committed relationship throughout their lives? i have. . . . i've also known women who aren't married, but aren't sluts. . . imagine that. you know. . . the extremists above did forget one option. . . marriage, whore, and . . . . . . nun. come on. . . who can forget the mother, whore, virgin triumvirate. . . . silly right wing bastards.

ok. . . i think you get the idea. i'm rather opposed to the 'marriage protection week'. . . and what it stands for. i'm all for legalizing same sex marriages. . . maybe in the end they'll do better with it than the breeders (. . . sorry, the heterosexuals. . . damn, i'm really fired up over this) and bring sanctity to the institution of marriage once more.

"and we'll be saying a big hello to all intelligent life forms everywhere . . .and to everyone else out there, the secret is to bang the rocks together, guys."


ack!. . i forgot to bring home my zip drive last night. . . as we will have have to wait another day for me to upload some balloon shots. . so sorry.

but there was something else that came to mind the other day. . . . after a long work day and an all night cue session. . . the electrics staff went out for breakfast at denny's. we were sitting around eating when one of my friends. . . i think it was charlie, started coughing/choking on something he just swallowed. . . . while he coughed himself through it, being tired and unable to control my reaction i told him to hold his hands above his head and demonstrated for him. isn't this something that all parents tell their kids when they are eating and start to cough? it was so innate to me. . . and everyone else just stared and then chalked it up to me being from the east coast.

now the big question is. . . why were we told to do that as kids. . . if you are among the involved populace? does it actually physically accomplish something internally that releases whatever i is we are choking on, from the grip of our esaphogus? i wonder. . .

there was something else that had come up in a group where i found myself, yet again the sole person understanding myself. . . but i can't remember it right now. but i do get flack for my hiccuping remedy. when peanut butter is nut readily on hand. . .i place my thumb upside down on my fore head, and say 'pineapple' out loud. when i tell someone else to try it, they think i'm trying to make them look silly. alas, i seem to be the only one it works for. but it is imperative that i catch it after the first hiccup. past the first hiccup the pineapple thing just doesn't work so well.

now i'm just blubbering. . . so i'll be going, and hope everyone is well.

"and we'll be saying a big hello to all intelligent life forms everywhere . . .and to everyone else out there, the secret is to bang the rocks together, guys."


i've decided to start up a listing of the books i'm reading, or have read. . . along with whatever type of descriptions and insights i choose the make on them. i've added it to my side bar there, should you choose to check it out. . . there's only one entry right now. . . and who knows how long i'll actually keep it up. . . . but as it so happens, i forgot the pictures from this weekend. . . so it'll have to wait till tomorrow, and this seemed like a good way of wasting some time. :)

hope your extended weekends were lovely.

"and we'll be saying a big hello to all intelligent life forms everywhere . . .and to everyone else out there, the secret is to bang the rocks together, guys."


ahhh. . the week is almost done for me. . . one of the shop guys brought in his personal theremin. . . it's this wacky instrument. . i'm still not sure how it works, but it consists of a box in the center with a vertical antenna on the right side and a horizonal loop antenna on the left side. the right antenna controls pitch. .. so as your hand moves closer to it, the pitch raises, and the left antenna controls volume and the closer your hand is to it, the more quite it gets.

once you've heard it, you can completely recognize it's synthesized sound as the common sound made by cheap UFO's in movies. . .

it's really difficult to play, but during my lunch, i was teaching myself mary had a little lamb. . . and maybe the theme to bonanza. . .and the evil darth vader theme from star wars.

anyway, tonight i should be on my way to the evening balloon glow and fireworks. . hope to have pictures for you all next week. . . have a good one!

"and we'll be saying a big hello to all intelligent life forms everywhere . . .and to everyone else out there, the secret is to bang the rocks together, guys."


recent findings. . .

so last week, on gilmore girls, one of the characters started attending college while working with her life coach. as i'm watching, i'm thinking, how bizarre. . . but then another character references oprah, as a place where she had heard about life coaches. . . now, i realize i've been without tv for a bit. . . and when i've had it, i've been somewhat selective. . . ok, not really. . . but i know nothing of this life coaching trend.

my roommate and i were discussing. . .and well poking fun at the whole idea. . . both of us scoffing and believing, that even though our own lives can be somewhat of a shambles. . . we think we can both become rather tremendous life coaches. it's usually so much easier to point out miss-steppings, and possible corrections for someone other than ourselves. and with a title like life-coach somehow people give you authority over their actions so when you suggest to them to do something, or not do something. . . they follow suit. its incredible. . . think of all the times you've told your friends or loved ones. . . "gee, you know, that really doesn't sound like a good idea. yeah, he's cute, but are you sure you want to be involved with a 'kinda' married, jobless, uncaring ex-con?" and your friend just gets angry and accuses you of passing judgment to quickly. . .

yeah. . . right. . .

(ps. . . i actually checked the spelling of judgment in a dictionary before using it. . . i seem to remember someone having a pet peeve over it. . . *mom*. . . and, according to merriam-webster, both 'judgement' and 'judgment' are acceptable. . . :P)

but i digress. . .

so later one evening over the weekend, i caught, what i believe was a reality show about a group of women living in a house together. . .kind of in group therapy, and all sharing this one life coach. i couldn't believe it. now. . .i might be inclined to go on and on about how all the women seemed to be of at least upper middle class, there was only one women of color in the group, and although some had been through very difficult life events. . . they all seemed very put together already. . . none of them were suffering from poverty, famine, pestulance. . . or anything. part of me thinks, wow, these people are willing to invite someone into their lives and have them scrutinize every bit of them in order to show them how to better their lives. . . how wonderful. . . then another part of me kinda wants to put these people in the same category as one comedian put anorexics. . . (i believe it was george carlin, correct me if i'm wrong) but didn't he say something about anorexia in one of his sketches. . . a bunch of upper class white women don't want to eat. . .. fuck 'em!

yeah. . . slight conflict there. . .

oh, two other phrases my roommate and i have encounted many times in the past two weeks of scheduled tv shows are "google" and "tivo" as verbs.

that's all for today. . . it's gray, chilly, cloudy, rainy, and kinda lame. . . with this 4 day work week, i guess my tuesday is like everyone else's wednesday. . . but it's almost over. . . and perhaps i'll get my car back from the shop tomorrow. . . :)

have a good one.

"and we'll be saying a big hello to all intelligent life forms everywhere . . .and to everyone else out there, the secret is to bang the rocks together, guys."


then there was sunday. jared, the new roommie, and i were up to leave the apartment at 4:45am. crazy you say? or perhaps miraculous. . . that we would get up so early on a weekend, either way, we discovered it was well worth it.

we were up to get to the dawn patrol for BALLOON FIESTA. getting up so early was lame, and traffic was lame, and even the dawn patrol wasn't exactly what we thought it would be, but once the sun crept over the sandia, the amazement began.

a whole field packed tightly with balloonists. . . starting from two opposite ends, around 7am, the balloons started to swell.

the line up was really impressive. they were so tightly packed, but the only thing that seemed to bother lift off was the wind. there were quite a few balloons that didn't make it, including a jack daniels bottle, a stage coach, and a large cow, which was kind of disappointing. . . but maybe we'll get to see them next weekend at another event.

this was the morning mass ascension. . . each year they try for 1000 balloons, but come closer to about 750. we never heard how many went up that morning. . . but the balloons lifted off almost continuously from 7am to 11am. i want to get some video of this up as well. . but for the time being. . . some simple shots will have to suffice. . .

here's jared. . .
and here's me, with some random people. . .

there used to be a special rodeo for the specialty shaped balloons, but they've turned that into an evening of lit balloons and fireworks. . . dan. . . are you sure you don't wanna delay toronto and get out here for this weekend?. . . .hmmmm?. . . . lit balloons, and fireworks!

i digress. . . . specialty shapes. . . . here are a few . . .

pigs will fly

the fish is named sushi!

elephants fly as well

the bees were sooooo cute!

just ducky. . .

how about that phone booth?

this was pretty amazing. . .

humpty dumpty didn't fall

last but not least. . . who could resist a pirate. . . ARG!

so the balloons were really amazing. . . colorful, and i wish i had more room for more pictures. . .ok, one more that i thought was simple, but clever. . .

but there was festival food-including a fry what booth where we may go back to try the fried cheescake. . . just for posterity, and we did see a quick fly-by of the stealth craft as part of the air show that we didn't really stay for. but there were a couple other sites that really need a quick mention. . .

first off, the spammobile. . .where they were giving out free samples of spam! i kinda figured that the sample would have to be free. :)

and what fiesta would be complete without. . . you guessed it. . . pottypalooza. . . even though it was temporarily shut down. . .

anyway. . . that was sunday. . . and i hope to have shots next week of the lit balloons at night and fireworks. have a nice day!

"and we'll be saying a big hello to all intelligent life forms everywhere . . .and to everyone else out there, the secret is to bang the rocks together, guys."


thursday was rather fun in that beatrice and bennedict was placed on stage. now why, you may ask, is that fun? well. . . the stage is a mass of yellow waves, and the carpenters only had about half the stage up, but quite honestly, the only good way to explain it, is to show you a little. . .

but that was only the begining. . . once seeing the possibilities, they added some makeshift pins, and there was human bowling. . .

if i get a chance to work it out, i may have some video in the future. but for the time being, this will have to do.

hope you're having fun!


so. . . here's a fun one, for any of those who know how things have been with me and my friends and our cars for the past year. . .

for those of you who don't know, here's a quick summary. . . . between my and three other close friends we've had break failure (kelly), break in(emily), break downs (emily), stuck in snow pit in my driveway w/ towing issues, and a tree dying and ripping itself from it's earthy home and landing on our cars. (the last two were exclusive to me and my roommate. . . HI SWON!)

. . . notice, my car trouble never mingled with my driving abilities. . . . until yesterday. after a week of complaining in my head about the horrible new mexico drivers- (i just don't understand why people don't want to merge at the marker reading that they have one mile left to merge, they INSIST upon zooming ahead and making the merging point a terrible bottleneck issue)- i slightly rear ended someone shortly after merging.

so the car goes in for repair this weekend. 2 bits of good news, the other person wasn't hurt. . and neither was her car. . . (not even a scratch!), and i think i'll get the dent in my roof from the tree repaired at the same time! whoop-dee-dooo!

that's all from here!