Blah-ditty-blah

F@*K!

after bono used this strong adjective on some award show, the fcc is looking to loosen it's policies on the use of the word fuck in tv. however. . . we shan't be allowed to go willy nilly on it's use. . . there are rules! the way it sounds, basically, is that as long as it is an adjective and not a verb. . . it's ok. so it is ok to use it to add emphasis to an exclaimation such as, "this is fucking terrible," or, "this is fucking great, just fucking great." however, to use it in any sexual context is still seen as vulgar and not allowed. so i guess NIN's "i wanna fuck you like an animal" would still be bleeped.

there is something somewhat interesting about it all. i think there could be a gray area in there somewhere. . . for instance, in south park the movie. . . where the same battle seems to rage on against cussing. . . . cartmen blurts out, "fuck fuckity fuck fuck." is this too over the top? it doesn't actually apply as an adjective to another word. so does that make it vulgar. . or can we assume that it is still an explicative? and here's another one, "fuck me." now. . . there could be context given in a visual sense that could take this exclaimation either way.

senario 1: a cop who has been chasing a villian for the better part of the program has finally cornered him in a deserted alley. the audience is aware that the cop's job is on the line. . . if he doesn't catch the villian he will lose his job and a bet he made with a couple of buddies which will place him as a bed pan cleaner in a geriatric ward in the local hospital for a year. as the cop approaches the villian and readies his hand cuffs, the villian transforms into a gelatenous yellow goo and seeps away into a rain drain. knowing that the cop has completely lost control of the situation, has no way of proving it and will lose his job and the bet, he turns from the scene and with utter defeat, "fuck me!" rings through the empty alley.

senario 2: a guy who is being chased by cops for tagging some grafitti on a wall runs into a large apartment building. a complex chase involving many doors and interupted home life insues. eventually the grafitti artist runs into a room discovering a bordello filled with many scantily clad women. they hide him briefly and divert the cops in another direction. as the guy slips out of the closet a few women brush up against him amorously while pulling out a set of handcuffs that they lifted from the cops. "well fuck me" is muttered closely followed by a black out on the scene.

now. .. senario 1 could be an episode of the x-files on fox. . . .while senario 2 is a bit of soft porn seen on skinamax.

i have to admit though. . . most of the time, when i hear the exclaimation "fuck me". . . it doesn't have anything to do with sex, there is usually something to do with a lost file, a broken piece of machinery, spilt coffee on a white blouse, or the last ding on the gas gauge involved. . . . but we need to take right wing conservatives into mind here. and for their benefit. . . i think this is how the rules have to be around the exclaimation, "fuck me."

again. . . this is an interpretation of what i think a right wing conservative would rule on the application of "fuck me" as an exclaimation on tv.

1 first off, it can never be muttered by a woman with any men present in the scene. since, lets face it, most of the time the female is the one calling the "yes/no" on sex, saying "fuck me" with a male present is almost as good as an invitation to a conservative. . . so it's a no go.

2 a white man can say it around other white men. . . . no problem.

3 a black man can't say it around his buddies because he is obviously talking about his bitches back at home.

4 a white man can't say it around scantily clad women. . . unless the women are she-werewolves, or she-vampires. in which his likelihood of having sex is minimized by the fact that he will probably be ripped into bloody bite sized pieces.

5 women can't say it around other women. . . because only a lesbian encounter will ensue.

6 gay men can never say it. . . even in a room filled with lesbian she-vampires, because no matter what, he's thinking of a naval battalian somewhere.

. . . ok, so much for my thoughts on the conservative right wing.

there is a really interesting use of the "fuck me" phrase is the movie, tank girl. which many people haven't seen. . . but i've seen it enough times for them. tank girl's side kick, jet, has come up against her nemesis. this ass of a man used to make sexual advances toward her (in return for her rank advancement), but she constantly pushed him away. in a final scene, where she is all decked out and looking kick-ass. . . she has a laser site on his forehead. . .knwoing that he's about to be shot. . . and by who. . . he utters "fuck me." meaning, "ahh dang it, i should've treated this girl like a human being and not like some piece of meat. if only i had treated her with respect, i wouldn't be in this situation, about to have my head blown off."

however, this time, she turns it around, and right before putting a bullet in his head, she says, "i already told you, i don't want to." this turns his last words of shame and defeat into a double entendre. wow. . . . . FAR to complex. . . keep it to cable only!

anyway. . . have a good one.


"and we'll be saying a big hello to all intelligent life forms everywhere . . .and to everyone else out there, the secret is to bang the rocks together, guys."