the brighton school talent show and graduation. here is a class singing a song. the whole thing was a big to do. . . costumes, lights, blow up set, and live video so the parents had a good view. all in all it made for a busy thursday.
3.01.2009
2.23.2009
arrival
the airport was easy enough to get through. plenty of pictures and english to get me along- i really need to pick up korean though. not every other place will be as accommodating as the international airport. :)
customs was no problem, getting my luggage was easy, and as i walked into the area where people wait for you i was greeted by a man who seemed to know my face (i had to send a picture as part of the process). he’s the director of the school. but close by was swon!
i hadn’t given her all the flight info, since it would be really early monday morning, and i was already told the recruiter or someone from the school would meet me. i didn’t want her to go to the trouble.
well, she got the flight info from my mom. (mom and dad at work, even from afar)
she showed up with a breakfast for me. i introduced the school director and her, and we talked all the way to his car. swon met is at the school.
you wouldn’t believe the errand the school director and i made before we got to the school. we stopped at a department store to pick up some replacement fluorescent light bulbs. it was like almost nothing had changed. standing in a aisle staring at fluorescent bulbs choosing between different wattages and color temperatures.
we got to the school and i met a few of the teachers. swon and i got a quick tour. the school director then led me to my apartment. swon checked out my cable while i showered. the cable and internet was already set. nice.
swon had to get to an appointment, but we had a quick lunch before she dropped me off at the school.
i spent the rest of the day observing some of the classes. i was given an option to go home earlier, since i would be tired, but i stayed till about 5.
i picked up some food at a local market and walked about 15 minutes to the apartment.
i’ve eaten a bit. i fell asleep around 8- very tired, but woke up again around midnight. it will take time to shift my internal schedule. i hope i don’t completely sleep through tomorrow morning!
there are some things to get to make the apartment more cozy, but for now what’s here will do. pictures to come soon- i want to unpack and settle a little more first. . .
the teachers all seem really nice and welcoming. there was a new korean teacher today as well, and another couple of foreign teachers will arrive within the week, so there will be more people in the same boat as me.
i have a bunch of observing to do, and schedule to figure out, but in the meantime swon wants to come out during the week to make sure i get a phone and bank account set up. she also wants me to visit her in seoul- but that will have to wait for a weekend.
busy busy.
but right now i should sleep.
customs was no problem, getting my luggage was easy, and as i walked into the area where people wait for you i was greeted by a man who seemed to know my face (i had to send a picture as part of the process). he’s the director of the school. but close by was swon!
i hadn’t given her all the flight info, since it would be really early monday morning, and i was already told the recruiter or someone from the school would meet me. i didn’t want her to go to the trouble.
well, she got the flight info from my mom. (mom and dad at work, even from afar)
she showed up with a breakfast for me. i introduced the school director and her, and we talked all the way to his car. swon met is at the school.
you wouldn’t believe the errand the school director and i made before we got to the school. we stopped at a department store to pick up some replacement fluorescent light bulbs. it was like almost nothing had changed. standing in a aisle staring at fluorescent bulbs choosing between different wattages and color temperatures.
we got to the school and i met a few of the teachers. swon and i got a quick tour. the school director then led me to my apartment. swon checked out my cable while i showered. the cable and internet was already set. nice.
swon had to get to an appointment, but we had a quick lunch before she dropped me off at the school.
i spent the rest of the day observing some of the classes. i was given an option to go home earlier, since i would be tired, but i stayed till about 5.
i picked up some food at a local market and walked about 15 minutes to the apartment.
i’ve eaten a bit. i fell asleep around 8- very tired, but woke up again around midnight. it will take time to shift my internal schedule. i hope i don’t completely sleep through tomorrow morning!
there are some things to get to make the apartment more cozy, but for now what’s here will do. pictures to come soon- i want to unpack and settle a little more first. . .
the teachers all seem really nice and welcoming. there was a new korean teacher today as well, and another couple of foreign teachers will arrive within the week, so there will be more people in the same boat as me.
i have a bunch of observing to do, and schedule to figure out, but in the meantime swon wants to come out during the week to make sure i get a phone and bank account set up. she also wants me to visit her in seoul- but that will have to wait for a weekend.
busy busy.
but right now i should sleep.
travel
(quick aside) i know i promised pictures, and i definitely will take them. i have a small problem with feeling too touristy, so i don’t always take pictures when i’d like. . . but there will be some on the way.
do you know what sucks about travelling? the packing. i’m horrible at it. my friend sara just left for a month or two. . . or more in india. she brought one bag. a couple pairs of pants, a handful of shirts, other essentials. both my allowed bags weighed in barely below the limit. . . and that was after a fury of quick last minute edits at home. my carry on weighed about 25 pounds. the other things that sucks about traveling is tugging around heavy bags- but that’s my own fault.
i flew out of ottawa in the afternoon, headed to chicago. i lost a knife from my checked luggage. less lost and more confiscated by the cops. i just flew with it in my checked luggage three weeks ago. . . what’s different now? it’s sad, but it’s more important that i get where i’m headed. the thing that bothered me was the cops kept asking what i used it for. i don’t use it. i believe the idea is never to use it. it was a gift from bride (katy) to maid of honor (me). i explained that it was a gift/ memento and the cops kept saying that that isn’t a normal kind of gift. knives are a very normal gift among my friends. . . err. to their credit, when they saw that it’s loss upset me, the cops did try to send it to me like it was in lost and found. but i guess the law stepped in, it has to be destroyed.
most of the airports i get around in have a number of places to eat and shops inside the terminal. that isn’t so in the international terminal at o’hare. i hadn’t had dinner and planned on getting something inside the terminal. my protein bars came in handy. but then i got on the flight.
we were served dinner on the plane (at about 2 or 3 am my time- but trust me, i wasn’t complaining). i am completely impressed with asiana airlines. my dinner was good, and so cute. little containers for everything. a package of real cutlery which included salt, pepper, sugar, toothpick, napkin, and a handy wipe- and a hot wet towel before hand. i had the steak dinner, not the bimbimbap, but the bimbimbap smelled fantastic. dinner was a salad, steak with carrots, potatoes, and broccoli, dinner roll, side of smoked salmon, slice of cake, and a beverage of choice (but not tea or coffee- that is for after dinner.)
nearly every hour the flight attendants walked around with water and orange juice. the entertainment was kinda like jetblue. your own screen with shows, movies, music, video games. you could start, pause, rewind etc each of the movies you wanted. i watched three, the women (bad), max payne (ok), and eagle eye (surprisingly better than i thought). i played bookworm and bejeweled. it got better when i realized i didn’t have to use the remote because the screen was interactive. the remote was a special combo, phone/ entertainment remote/ video game controller/ credit card swipe (for email and phone calls.)
after dinner they turned off the cabin lights and i did get some sleep. when it was time to wake up we were given good morning call, and the lights in the cabin slowly dimmed up. there was a sandwich at some point, but i passed on it. i got up a few times, to stretch and break for the bathroom. the bathrooms had lotions and toothbrushes available.
breakfast was a choice of pancake or omelet. i opted omelet. so a spinach omelet with some broccoli and tomato. strawberry banana yogurt, crescent roll, sliced fruit, and beverage, with coffee and tea making the rounds.
so yeah. it was a 14 hour flight, but if you have to do it, this isn’t a bad way.
2.18.2009
all in one place
for the first time in about 15 years, i and all of my belongings are in the same place.
i don’t mean to make too much of it, but it is an unusual occurrence, and it will only last for another two days.
the last two boxes that i sent myself from california arrived today. i started sorting them into the things that will stay in storage at my parents, and the very few things that i will bring along with me. (i should bring less.)
i need to put more effort into packing. procrastination is such an amazing thing, especially when you actively, consciously participating. compared to packing and cleaning, you would not believe how much more interesting this book i am reading is. the book will be there for me whenever. . . but i want to read it NOW.
ok, back to packing, or procrastinating. . . which ever comes first.
i don’t mean to make too much of it, but it is an unusual occurrence, and it will only last for another two days.
the last two boxes that i sent myself from california arrived today. i started sorting them into the things that will stay in storage at my parents, and the very few things that i will bring along with me. (i should bring less.)
i need to put more effort into packing. procrastination is such an amazing thing, especially when you actively, consciously participating. compared to packing and cleaning, you would not believe how much more interesting this book i am reading is. the book will be there for me whenever. . . but i want to read it NOW.
ok, back to packing, or procrastinating. . . which ever comes first.
2.03.2009
from -15 to 70 and back again
my mission was to empty my storage unit in southern california.
it’s been there since i left my job at calarts before the summer of 2007- lame, i know, trust me, i know.
i thought i’d be going back to my job, but then halfway through my summer i realized it just wouldn’t be good for me, or good for the students, so i quit. for some reason i didn’t go back to california after my summer in santa fe to get my stuff. . . i don’t remember what my rational was.
i have plans to leave the country, and i didn’t want this unfinished business looming over me. . . not to mention the monthly fees.
day 1-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
the morning i left it had been 15 below. . . it wasn’t nearly as cold as i drove out to burlington to catch a flight in the early afternoon. the drive goes through the islands to burlington is real pretty.
i guess i picked a good time since another snow storm was due to hit us later that evening. . . i just snuck out in time. and there’s nothing like walking outside into 50+ degree weather, especially when you’ve gotten used to thermal underwear and wool lined winter caps. shedding the layers was a treat.
picked up my rental, a zippy yaris, and drove to my hotel.
i only lived in the valencia area for 7 months. i didn’t expect to remember the roads or places of interest so i printed out and looked through maps like crazy. i did surprisingly well, even when i hadn’t google-mapped my destination.
my first night, while snacking in my room i wondered why my bed, then why my room was vibrating. . . then i realized with was residual from my plane flights- all in my head. i woke up bright and early (strange for me) at 6. well, it was 9 est.
day 2-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
i brought every set of master lock type keys i could find. . . but i had a feeling that none of them were going to work. i just figured there would be a way. wednesday morning, i got to my storage at 9 and none of my keys worked. some paperwork, lock cutting fees, phone calls and faxing to my brother (since he was the legal renter) ensued, and i was into my storage by around 11am.
btw, if you wanna know what it looks like to watch some guy cutting off your locks. . . here’s a shot from my phone.
i started sorting out garbage and picking out pieces that could go to goodwill first. i knew what i meant to keep. cds, the empty dvd cases (all my movies are in cd books), some books, and my comics. what i didn’t plan on was all the memorabilia type stuff. . . or things like my portfolio and school work. . .errr. . . . more sorting.
i made my first drop off to goodwill around 3. i remembered where it was! they don’t take hangers. . . i had a lot of hangers. i asked about mattresses. . . they don’t take them, but salvation army might. hmm. . . obstacles. and the trash bins outside the storage unit are locked. i’d have to pay to take my trash to a dump site, or be clever and indiscreet and find a hopper somewhere. . . discreet, with 26 bags of trash and possibly a mattress? not gonna happen. i took a lunch break after goodwill and started searching for ideas back in my hotel.
i had hoped to drop some things off with students, and some with goodwill. i thought i might be able to donate the books. i called a couple of places, one only accepted paperbacks, and the library wasn’t picking up the phone.
the quick truck rental and trip to goodwill sounded less and less likely. i did some quick google searches for trash sites and such online. . . and that’s when i saw a familiar name. 1.800.GOT.JUNK. all those hours of watching ‘clean house’ just paid off. :)
i checked out their site. it’s not a cheap thing. . . but it can take a lot of the worry and back break from a cleaning job. they recycle everything they can, and donate to charities whenever they can. they are big on bringing as little to a landfill as possible. i like this. (beyond all that, i just read that they were initially started up by a college student in canada. -i know my feelings are unfounded, but whenever something is canadian, i just expect it to be better. . . more trust worthy. . . or something.)
i made an appointment for the next day.
i continued to sort through my things for the rest of the afternoon. i started packing boxes that i would send back to myself. i had to be out by 7pm, or be locked in.
dinner from whole paycheck. . . err. . .whole foods. yummy sushi.
mind wired, body tired. constantly running through my head, like a mantra, ‘be productive, B-E- productive.’
day 3-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
the next morning was similar. back at the storage before 9. . . sorting. my appointment with 1.800.GOT.JUNK was for 12-2.
i did all the major sorting, and even the smaller/ picky sorting before they called. (i have a tendency to place important pieces of paper into books i’m reading, so i had to flip through all the books in the two tubs i planned to give away.)
anyway, their customer service was phenomenal. the guy i spoke to on the phone was very helpful and kind, and the two guys that came to move my stuff were congenial and worked quickly. i am impressed with the entire outfit. one of the guys that moved my stuff took the time to tell me how glad he was to see me using a reusable water bottle. again, they stressed that they would go through everything to separate out things that can be recycled or reused.
my only criticism. . . they don’t pack a truck they way i would. they started with my trash, which could all be thrown in much later. i would’ve started with the mattress and the table- big square things. . . stack the tubs and storage bins, place the electronics, then pack in the trash and my bike. it definitely wasn’t a roadie pack.
they left around 12:45. all gone, except for my boxes. i packed them into my car. some more faxing and phone calls to my brother, and i’m out of my storage.
celebration lunch? in-n-out. mmmmmm. . .
back to the hotel. for some reason i’m especially beat in the afternoon. wrote some cards to people who would receive boxes.
after a long lunch i walk out to my car to address all the boxes. drove to the post office. it took four trips with a hand cart from my car to the counter. just as i got in line, there was no one else. . . awesome, no one to piss off with a long wait. as i stepped to the counter. 7 or 8 people filtered in. i had 13 boxes to ship. it took a while, but i cracked a joke about single handedly helping the USPS through the recession.
everything gone, except for one extra bag that will travel with me. my portfolio would’ve needed a much larger box. . . i cushioned it and some other bits with a blanket my friend sarah made for me. (i didn’t keep the two pj bottoms she made me, but i really like the blanket and wasn’t ready to give it up. . . . yet.)
it felt so good to be done.
back to my room to relax before meeting up with a friend from calarts. . . and some more whole paycheck sushi.
michael and i met up and found a bar to hang out in. i was able to give him a few things from my storage. . . and since i remember that he liked them so much, i made him a batch of rice krispy treats and brought them from ny.
we did lots of chatting- michael and i actually met briefly in ohio, working for vincent in cleveland before calarts. for the first couple of weeks that i was at calarts we kept wondering why we looked familiar to each other. after talking through a complete techie genealogy we discovered that we worked together a couple of times in cleveland, and one of his closest friends from his undergrad was one of my apprentices at SFO.
we talked about a number of places that he hasn’t visited in the LA area yet. i had the advantage of knowing an LA native while i was there. i got to see a lot in my short time there. hopefully michael gets a chance to take in some sites before he graduates.
we bumped into a couple other calarts students. . . ones i actually knew. so much for keeping on the dl.
day 4-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
i can sleep in! or, it would be nice if i could sleep in. not only am i wide awake at 6, but there’s some sort of loud industrial work happening in the next lot for a full hour.
i did sleep for another hour between 9 and 10.
michael thought there was a chance that we could head down to the getty if he got out of a meeting early. . . but that didn’t happen. i had a lazy day walking around. i can always waste time in a borders. *must not buy more books!*
i wouldn’t get to Mon (exceptional sushi), or Chan Dara (exceptional thai). . . but i picked up some thai from in town. it was delicious. i wouldn’t get to the getty, or the observatory, or the arclight. but, that’s ok. it wasn’t supposed to be that kind of trip anyway. it was gorgeous out. warm and sunny.
michael and i met up for a movie in town. ‘taken’. . . from minute 5 on it was a heart pounding thrill. pretty fantastic. i reminded him over and over that he should go to the arclight to see coraline, and watchmen, it’s what i would do if i were there. :)
turns out he’s a big fan of westerns, and well. . . i’m a big fan of ‘easterns’- or samurai movies to be exact. we are now coaching each other through a list of what the other should see.
day 5-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(automaton day)
get up
shower
pack
clean car
check out from hotel
put gas in the car
drive to airport
check in rental
wait
fly and sleep (i think the father from twin peaks, ray wise, is on my flight)
land in ny
wait (in a pretty great terminal actually- yay jetblue)
fly and sleep
land in burlington
drive 3.5 hours home
it’s 4am
sleep a lot
wait for stuff to arrive
2.02.2009
storage.story.3
here's my task- clear it.
doesn't look terrible, but it was deeper than this picture can show.
storage.story.4
who knew i had a purse? i used it once, for katy's wedding. never got the hang of purses. . . love the messenger bag though.
storage.story.7
why do i still have this?! this and two used cell phones. . . it's about time i cleared through all this.
storage.story.8
i own the dvd now, so i supposed i can let go of this dubbed copy my friends made me in virginia. they knew how much i loved the movie.
storage.story.9
something fun from sarah. she taped it while she watched the dvd, and then decorated the label. nice huh?- eventually i bought the season.
storage.story.11
i got this from my college roommates. i asked for it specifically. . . do you know what it is?
storage.story.12
it's log, it's log, it's big, it's heavy, it's wood.
it's log, it's log, it's better than bad, it's good.
everyone wants a log, you're gonna love the log.
log, from blammo.
storage.story.17
i'm not exactly keeping these, or getting rid of them. . . they are a surprise for someone, though if he reads this it won't be much of a surprise.
storage.story.18
i kept this. it's from the infamous surprise- sushi battle- iron chef themed- birthday party, that my friends in kent threw for me.
storage.story.19
look at him. he's pissed that i'm giving him up.
he's sitting there, laying on a thick guilt trip.
sorry dan, maybe i should've sent it to you.
storage.story.20
my gag gift for my apprentice year at SFO was a pair of hand made hawaiian shorts, since i didn't participate in hawaiian shirt fridays.
storage.story.21
these are my sushi pj shorts. sarah made them for me. cute design huh? i always thought it was neat that buffy had a pair of pj's made from the same material in a later episode.
storage.story.22
i got this shirt for giving a good tip after getting my second tattoo. i never wore it, i like the design, just never been much for white shirts.
storage.story.23
this is the last of the turandot lanterns. all the others were all thrown away. the props master let me keep one, and that one is gone now too.
storage.story.24
swon helped me pick this out in a korean store in ohio, maybe she can help me fine a new one in korea. . . a better one. :)
storage.story.25
we used to customize our mag lights by having more than one in different colors. all the parts are modular, so we swapped them out.
storage.story.28
what i kept. 7 large boxes of cd's, books, dvd's, comics, and memorabilia. the six small boxes are surprises for other people.
1.29.2009
it's a start
i’m in LA.
well, i’m a little north of LA, but depending who you talk to, it’s all part of the same ‘city state.’
i’m here for a few days to empty my storage unit.
i flew in to the burbank/ bob hope airport. it was about 9:30, but to me it was a little after midnight. this airport dumps your luggage outside, right next to arrival and departure traffic. it sorta feels like a ‘hi, welcome. . . now get out.’ i passed melissa joan hart as i walked to get my rental car. (i never watched ‘sabrina- teenage witch’ but i heard that penn jillette played the devil in a couple of episodes. wouldn’t mind seeing that.) the music playing in the rental car terminal was drippingly 80’s. . . and the song as i signed my contract, ‘dancing in heaven’- one of the dancing montage songs from ‘girls just want to have fun.’ as if suddenly being on the other side of the country in with fifty degree and higher weather isn’t surreal enough.
i’m finding my way around better than i expected, but it feels like the speed limit is ten to twenty miles and hour faster than i remember. it didn’t seem fast to me when i lived here, but i guess my rhythm has changed, and as for circadian rhythm- forget it. it’s a little after 6 am. i should sleep more, but i can’t. might as well get up and be productive, it’s why i’m here anyway.
well, i’m a little north of LA, but depending who you talk to, it’s all part of the same ‘city state.’
i’m here for a few days to empty my storage unit.
i flew in to the burbank/ bob hope airport. it was about 9:30, but to me it was a little after midnight. this airport dumps your luggage outside, right next to arrival and departure traffic. it sorta feels like a ‘hi, welcome. . . now get out.’ i passed melissa joan hart as i walked to get my rental car. (i never watched ‘sabrina- teenage witch’ but i heard that penn jillette played the devil in a couple of episodes. wouldn’t mind seeing that.) the music playing in the rental car terminal was drippingly 80’s. . . and the song as i signed my contract, ‘dancing in heaven’- one of the dancing montage songs from ‘girls just want to have fun.’ as if suddenly being on the other side of the country in with fifty degree and higher weather isn’t surreal enough.
i’m finding my way around better than i expected, but it feels like the speed limit is ten to twenty miles and hour faster than i remember. it didn’t seem fast to me when i lived here, but i guess my rhythm has changed, and as for circadian rhythm- forget it. it’s a little after 6 am. i should sleep more, but i can’t. might as well get up and be productive, it’s why i’m here anyway.
1.19.2009
the big list
new project, semi long term. . . hopefully completed within a year.
this ‘big list’ relates to my itunes.
i have started a project. the project is to listen to every album in my itunes, completely. while listening i plan to denote the songs that i really like from each album and appoint them to one large playlist.
i have a lot of music i haven’t heard even once.
i have even more music that i haven’t really listened to.
according to my itunes, i have 942 albums currently. i’m sure that there are many that aren’t complete albums, just singles. i’m conservatively guessing that there are 600 to 700 complete albums. it’s still a lot to listen to, but i’m kinda looking forward to it.
it’s been a long time coming. i’m sort of ashamed that i don’t have a better grasp on my own music library. i am so thankful for all my friends who have gifted me music. i should honor that gift by listening to it, right?
i make lots of playlists. usually i start a playlist with a bunch of music already in mind- to fit a particular mood or event. i add more with time, and if i really want to flush out the playlist i will scroll through the entire library for more ideas. it’s a slow process. i might know of an artist or album that i want to incorporate, but i’m kinda bad at remembering actual song titles, so i need to touch through each song to find the one i meant to use.
there is a lot of music that is fine but i’m not going to listen to it over and over, so it’s not something that will go into a playlist. i can skip it. therefore, it doesn’t go into ‘the big list.’ eventually, if i start to run out of room on my ipod, i could strip out the songs that aren’t in ‘the big list’. . . but i hope that won’t happen too soon.
some people might find this form of organization a bit of overkill. i’m actually really excited about having a list of ALL the songs i like, that i can then pare down further. it will make my playlist process more efficient. ahhh, efficiency. . . my german side is so appeased.
i thought that i might try to review the albums on this blog as part of my process, but i don’t know if i want to commit myself to that. we’ll see. . . maybe i’ll do it when i’m moved to do so. . . eh. . . time will tell.
one of my friends probed me about this new project. (i was relieved to know that she actually thought it was a good idea.) she wanted to know how quickly i could tell if i wanted to keep or pitch a song, and if i had a set criteria.
interesting questions. . .
some songs i know within the first few bars, though it’s still a good idea to listen to the whole thing to make sure there isn’t some sort of annoyance later that would disqualify it.
there are some songs that i don’t love completely, but i really like the bass line. songs like that deserve to be in ‘the big list’ but probably won’t end up in a lot of the subsequent playlists.
i will initially pick and gravitate to music that i’ve heard before, but didn’t really pay attention to. stuff from commercials, from movie soundtracks. . . music that other people have played around me. (probably the only way i ended up with a phish album. an assistant technical director i worked for played it in the scene shop constantly. what can i say, it grew on me.)
so no real criteria. . . just what i like.
so, how well do you know your music library?
(i have another big list to talk about at some point, but it needs to percolate a little more.)
this ‘big list’ relates to my itunes.
i have started a project. the project is to listen to every album in my itunes, completely. while listening i plan to denote the songs that i really like from each album and appoint them to one large playlist.
i have a lot of music i haven’t heard even once.
i have even more music that i haven’t really listened to.
according to my itunes, i have 942 albums currently. i’m sure that there are many that aren’t complete albums, just singles. i’m conservatively guessing that there are 600 to 700 complete albums. it’s still a lot to listen to, but i’m kinda looking forward to it.
it’s been a long time coming. i’m sort of ashamed that i don’t have a better grasp on my own music library. i am so thankful for all my friends who have gifted me music. i should honor that gift by listening to it, right?
i make lots of playlists. usually i start a playlist with a bunch of music already in mind- to fit a particular mood or event. i add more with time, and if i really want to flush out the playlist i will scroll through the entire library for more ideas. it’s a slow process. i might know of an artist or album that i want to incorporate, but i’m kinda bad at remembering actual song titles, so i need to touch through each song to find the one i meant to use.
there is a lot of music that is fine but i’m not going to listen to it over and over, so it’s not something that will go into a playlist. i can skip it. therefore, it doesn’t go into ‘the big list.’ eventually, if i start to run out of room on my ipod, i could strip out the songs that aren’t in ‘the big list’. . . but i hope that won’t happen too soon.
some people might find this form of organization a bit of overkill. i’m actually really excited about having a list of ALL the songs i like, that i can then pare down further. it will make my playlist process more efficient. ahhh, efficiency. . . my german side is so appeased.
i thought that i might try to review the albums on this blog as part of my process, but i don’t know if i want to commit myself to that. we’ll see. . . maybe i’ll do it when i’m moved to do so. . . eh. . . time will tell.
one of my friends probed me about this new project. (i was relieved to know that she actually thought it was a good idea.) she wanted to know how quickly i could tell if i wanted to keep or pitch a song, and if i had a set criteria.
interesting questions. . .
some songs i know within the first few bars, though it’s still a good idea to listen to the whole thing to make sure there isn’t some sort of annoyance later that would disqualify it.
there are some songs that i don’t love completely, but i really like the bass line. songs like that deserve to be in ‘the big list’ but probably won’t end up in a lot of the subsequent playlists.
i will initially pick and gravitate to music that i’ve heard before, but didn’t really pay attention to. stuff from commercials, from movie soundtracks. . . music that other people have played around me. (probably the only way i ended up with a phish album. an assistant technical director i worked for played it in the scene shop constantly. what can i say, it grew on me.)
so no real criteria. . . just what i like.
so, how well do you know your music library?
(i have another big list to talk about at some point, but it needs to percolate a little more.)
1.12.2009
a man to savage
this is actually a really old post that i’ve been sitting on for a while. . .
i was walking through our illustrious mall recently. the place is a dead zone. it’s pretty normal for there to be more people working there than actual shoppers. it makes for a really uncomfortable shopping experience in my mind. the clerks have absolutely nothing else to pay attention to other than you. instead of casually browsing you feel like you are dodging merchandise-hocking stalkers.
seriously, the biggest crowd i saw there was outside the toddler tumbling place. see, the stores are doing so badly and closing so often that some of the store fronts are being used as college outreaches areas, and toddler gymnastic clubs. there were maybe fifteen parents outside the gymnastic ‘store’ windows watching kids somersault and cartwheel their way down a long trampoline. personally, i couldn’t help but think that setting up a trampoline in a place with a drop ceilings and a number of enthusiastic kids would later result in injury or property damage.
anyway, since everything was so quiet, i actually started to pay attention to the paging system, which i usually tune out as white noise. (really annoying white noise.) it was during a particular page that i had this spark, this connection to the poor soul stuck behind the information desk.
a woman’s voice, with no girlish giggle like you would hear or crack yourself while making a prank call. this person was a comic ‘straight man’ genius. complete, dull delivery. perfect.
“amanda savage. would amanda savage please come to the information desk. we are requesting amanda savage to report to the information desk.”
sadly, i was no where near the information desk, and i was on my way out. but i would’ve liked to walk by and share a knowing chuckle or a sly smirk. it seemed just a little sad for this joke to go without an audience.
is it like that riddle about the tree falling in the woods? is a joke funny if there’s no one there to laugh at it? or is it enough that the deliverer of the joke was spilling their sardonic wit into the void, and maybe getting their kicks from that alone?
it definitely left me feeling a little like i was walking through wes anderson’s mall. . . wondering to myself. . . is this funny? or is it pathetic?
i chuckled anyway.
i was walking through our illustrious mall recently. the place is a dead zone. it’s pretty normal for there to be more people working there than actual shoppers. it makes for a really uncomfortable shopping experience in my mind. the clerks have absolutely nothing else to pay attention to other than you. instead of casually browsing you feel like you are dodging merchandise-hocking stalkers.
seriously, the biggest crowd i saw there was outside the toddler tumbling place. see, the stores are doing so badly and closing so often that some of the store fronts are being used as college outreaches areas, and toddler gymnastic clubs. there were maybe fifteen parents outside the gymnastic ‘store’ windows watching kids somersault and cartwheel their way down a long trampoline. personally, i couldn’t help but think that setting up a trampoline in a place with a drop ceilings and a number of enthusiastic kids would later result in injury or property damage.
anyway, since everything was so quiet, i actually started to pay attention to the paging system, which i usually tune out as white noise. (really annoying white noise.) it was during a particular page that i had this spark, this connection to the poor soul stuck behind the information desk.
a woman’s voice, with no girlish giggle like you would hear or crack yourself while making a prank call. this person was a comic ‘straight man’ genius. complete, dull delivery. perfect.
“amanda savage. would amanda savage please come to the information desk. we are requesting amanda savage to report to the information desk.”
sadly, i was no where near the information desk, and i was on my way out. but i would’ve liked to walk by and share a knowing chuckle or a sly smirk. it seemed just a little sad for this joke to go without an audience.
is it like that riddle about the tree falling in the woods? is a joke funny if there’s no one there to laugh at it? or is it enough that the deliverer of the joke was spilling their sardonic wit into the void, and maybe getting their kicks from that alone?
it definitely left me feeling a little like i was walking through wes anderson’s mall. . . wondering to myself. . . is this funny? or is it pathetic?
i chuckled anyway.
1.11.2009
ottawa.2009.2
ringing it in on the rideau.
so my friend sara invited me to hang out with her and a few of her friends in a hotel in ottawa for the new years. we had a really great time.
aren't these cookies super cute? i particularly like the snowflake ones. these were in a bread shop on the byward market.
ottawa.2009.3
an indoor picnic, sort of.
sara, kate, and i picked up a bunch of tidbits from the byward market and brought them back to the hotel for the whole group. bread, goat cheese, brie, pears, clementines, salsa, queso, chips, falafel, hummus, samosas, dips. . . mmmmm.
the night before we filled up on shwarma from around the corner for dinner. not to mention the 'medicinal' essentials;
ottawa.2009.5
it was nearly 20 below new years eve. thankfully the russian bar we headed to was just across the street from the hotel.
ottawa.2009.13
a pose at the dancing bear statue.
we've dubbed this 'snotcicle day.' it was very cold.
the byward market was mostly closed for the holiday but we walked around anyway.
ottawa.2009.15
worst stairs ever!
unless you carry a sled in your back pocket. and i don't. :(
by the tracks in the snow it kinda looks like someone, or several someones went down, either on a sled or on their ass.
12.22.2008
fred.1
it doesn't occur much, but as noobs enter my parent's house and exchange quizzical glances, we find that we have to explain our fredutian temple.
it was made by my uncle when he was in college.
it's traveled across country a couple of times, and it sits in my parent's living room. it's one of my favorite things.
it gets even more fun during the holidays. and tis the season!
11.20.2008
only here
i had to send some very official documents a very long ways away this week. i drove about 45 minutes to the closest international shipment establishment. well, i did that after i went the the first place that i thought would work, turns out they no longer ship internationally- something about the economy going under and them closing down their stores or something.
i got on my phone and started making calls. when i located a place i asked for directions and was told that i would know i was in the right place when i saw the store for pool supplies. i figured the pool supplies store was close by and had a very eye catching sign.
no. . . not so much.
the international shipper was located in a store that was also a pool equipment supply store and . . . and you say? yes. . . AND. . . . a christian book store.
it took close to a half hour to get my package prepped. a half hour, two calls to the shipment headquarters. . . and one computer crash.
the gentleman that first helped me didn’t exactly insight confidence within me. i tried not to sneer at the rush limbaugh show playing in the background. he had to leave halfway through the process, i was ok with that. the woman that finished everything was very meticulous and seemed intent on making it all work.
time will tell i suppose.
i got on my phone and started making calls. when i located a place i asked for directions and was told that i would know i was in the right place when i saw the store for pool supplies. i figured the pool supplies store was close by and had a very eye catching sign.
no. . . not so much.
the international shipper was located in a store that was also a pool equipment supply store and . . . and you say? yes. . . AND. . . . a christian book store.
it took close to a half hour to get my package prepped. a half hour, two calls to the shipment headquarters. . . and one computer crash.
the gentleman that first helped me didn’t exactly insight confidence within me. i tried not to sneer at the rush limbaugh show playing in the background. he had to leave halfway through the process, i was ok with that. the woman that finished everything was very meticulous and seemed intent on making it all work.
time will tell i suppose.
9.14.2008
just checking
i gave a cop my middle finger a couple of days ago. actually i gave him both.
in full disclosure, i gave him all of my digits. i had to get finger printed as part of a criminal background check. i had to wait a couple of hours because the finger printing area was in use for real bookings- so i got some errands done. once the finger printing area was available, everything was pretty easy. now i wait.
i don’t like waiting.
in full disclosure, i gave him all of my digits. i had to get finger printed as part of a criminal background check. i had to wait a couple of hours because the finger printing area was in use for real bookings- so i got some errands done. once the finger printing area was available, everything was pretty easy. now i wait.
i don’t like waiting.
9.11.2008
esplanade.JPG
the morning ride through the esplanade. this is my view for most of it. pretty scenery. . . some runners, roller bladers, walkers, cyclists. . . and my brother. . . from behind.
memorial.JPG
here's the second part of our morning ride. it's a familiar view though. dan in blue, leading the way through the memorial park drive i think?
flying.kite.JPG
on the move from one place to another, dan and i stopped in the common and watched some kite flying. here is a father and daughter team. we saw the kite up in the air and it took us a bit to locate the handlers. actually we noticed the string stretching across a large part of the common at first. then we walked over, watched and listened to them for a while.
can you see the kite?
it's 23 feet tall.
still can't see it?
kite.jpg
my camera was barely able to catch it. it's only a few pixels big. but you might be able to see something where i've pointed out.
the kite was about 2000 feet in the air when we walked by. the father had just attached another 2000 feet of string as we approached, and when we left he had it nearly 3000 feet out.
kind of amazing.
9.09.2008
plans, shmans
the summer camp has ended and it was straight into helping to clear out my grandpa’s house. there was a family friend looking to rent it. dad and i had been working at it in bits and pieces for months. it was slow going with only two of us. . . but reinforcements were on the way. there were cousins headed to college and cousins moving into new apartments. . . in their wake aunts and uncles arrived in incredibly relieving shifts. suddenly truck loads were being moved hourly, as opposed to weekly and monthly. extra sets of kitchenware were sorted out for use. favorite furniture was claimed and distributed. it was rushed and dirty, but i got to spend a decent amount of time with some of my aunts and uncles.
i thought i had another week, i thought i’d get to see the cleaning through to the end, but i didn’t check the calendar closely.
the plan made earlier was to do this one ride with my brother. the museum of science along with communities within boston set up a scale model of the solar system. each planet was set in a different part of town. there was a plaque along with each planet where you could make a rubbing on a special ‘passport’ that you could turn in, once completed, to the museum of boston for some sort of discount. dan mapped a route, back and forth, that would be around 60 miles long. i planned to visit over labor day weekend.
surprise #1- labor day weekend was a week earlier than i thought. i figured i had another week to gear up for the ride, and another couple of days to relax after helping to clear out my grandpa’s house.
surprise #2- dan tried a bit of the ride out. . . and found that the solar system bit was no longer in existence. too bad. .. had it been up, the title of the blog would’ve been something like, ‘cycling the solar system’. . . catchy, eh?
that ride being scrapped, we planned to put together whatever came easily. my dad and uncle had the house work under control, and i made my way to boston. my brother and a few of my friends had some extra time off. . . loose plans to hang out. . . good thing it was all kind of loose- time did not play nicely.
dan and i spent the mornings on his favorite ride through the esplanade. a really pretty ride- and good for the metro-challenged rider (me). we tried to do extra laps to make up for the lost longer ride. we kept putting off longer rides in order to catch up with people, but nothing ever gelled too well. . . not for lack of trying. who knew there were going to be green line jamming sox games every day i was there? along with the sox games a couple other problems cropped up and we missed a chance to hang out with friends on saturday and sunday. we got some riding in, and caught tropic thunder and hung out with dan’s roommate and coworker. kinda fun. . . and tropic thunder was a RIOT! hey, why not try to plan another meeting on monday? well, monday we planned to meet up with our cousin to help her move in to her new apartment. yay. . . more moving.
the plan to help move was for 2pm. dan and i did a morning ride and missed the call that noon would actually be more helpful to our cousin. we left to catch her around 1, on our bikes. . . remember me?. . the metro-challenged rider? well, riding got us there faster than public transport. . . what with another sox game in play. plus, it turns out all the moving that was being done that weekend was helpful. it slowed down traffic a lot. it also created obstacles. . . big truck, ornery people, and furniture type obstacles. so i wasn’t swift or slick. . . but task accomplished. we got to my cousin’s just in time to have missed all the heavy moving. totally not planned! we stuck around to help her and her girlfriend put together a completely complicated desk- it had way too many parts. it did give us some time with them and our aunt, uncle, and her sister. again, another visiting window of about and hour or two. meanwhile another friend who wanted to see us was being held up in town by the sox game. after a bit we hopped on the bikes to catch up with him. . . for another hour long visit. we did decide that i should stay another day so we could actually get together properly.
that night was trivia. (made it just in time.) one of my favorite things about visiting with dan. dan, his roommate, and i didn’t end up doing well. . . but if anyone else could’ve seen the semi educated guesses that we nailed out of nowhere. . . and the number of times we came so close. . . well, it was an impressive game, even though our score sucked.
tuesday gave us a chance to meet up without all the obstacles. i went for a morning ride after dan went to work. i cleaned up and then felt how tired the whole weekend had left me. we had been on the go from early morning through late evening each day so far. all the short visiting windows and running around to get to them. it all hit me hard. so i napped before meeting up with our friends. we had a nice time at dinner. sadly the evening was cut just a little short as work pulled away one of our friends. however, it made it an early night to get in and play some wii rockband. because we had been so busy, dan and i hadn’t had a chance to set down and play. the game is pretty damn fantastic.
all and all a pretty great visit. . . though something of a whirlwind. i got to do all the things i hoped, the riding, the trivia, the visits, and the wii rockband. . . it just took a little longer and involved a bit more running around than i anticipated. oh well.
i thought i had another week, i thought i’d get to see the cleaning through to the end, but i didn’t check the calendar closely.
the plan made earlier was to do this one ride with my brother. the museum of science along with communities within boston set up a scale model of the solar system. each planet was set in a different part of town. there was a plaque along with each planet where you could make a rubbing on a special ‘passport’ that you could turn in, once completed, to the museum of boston for some sort of discount. dan mapped a route, back and forth, that would be around 60 miles long. i planned to visit over labor day weekend.
surprise #1- labor day weekend was a week earlier than i thought. i figured i had another week to gear up for the ride, and another couple of days to relax after helping to clear out my grandpa’s house.
surprise #2- dan tried a bit of the ride out. . . and found that the solar system bit was no longer in existence. too bad. .. had it been up, the title of the blog would’ve been something like, ‘cycling the solar system’. . . catchy, eh?
that ride being scrapped, we planned to put together whatever came easily. my dad and uncle had the house work under control, and i made my way to boston. my brother and a few of my friends had some extra time off. . . loose plans to hang out. . . good thing it was all kind of loose- time did not play nicely.
dan and i spent the mornings on his favorite ride through the esplanade. a really pretty ride- and good for the metro-challenged rider (me). we tried to do extra laps to make up for the lost longer ride. we kept putting off longer rides in order to catch up with people, but nothing ever gelled too well. . . not for lack of trying. who knew there were going to be green line jamming sox games every day i was there? along with the sox games a couple other problems cropped up and we missed a chance to hang out with friends on saturday and sunday. we got some riding in, and caught tropic thunder and hung out with dan’s roommate and coworker. kinda fun. . . and tropic thunder was a RIOT! hey, why not try to plan another meeting on monday? well, monday we planned to meet up with our cousin to help her move in to her new apartment. yay. . . more moving.
the plan to help move was for 2pm. dan and i did a morning ride and missed the call that noon would actually be more helpful to our cousin. we left to catch her around 1, on our bikes. . . remember me?. . the metro-challenged rider? well, riding got us there faster than public transport. . . what with another sox game in play. plus, it turns out all the moving that was being done that weekend was helpful. it slowed down traffic a lot. it also created obstacles. . . big truck, ornery people, and furniture type obstacles. so i wasn’t swift or slick. . . but task accomplished. we got to my cousin’s just in time to have missed all the heavy moving. totally not planned! we stuck around to help her and her girlfriend put together a completely complicated desk- it had way too many parts. it did give us some time with them and our aunt, uncle, and her sister. again, another visiting window of about and hour or two. meanwhile another friend who wanted to see us was being held up in town by the sox game. after a bit we hopped on the bikes to catch up with him. . . for another hour long visit. we did decide that i should stay another day so we could actually get together properly.
that night was trivia. (made it just in time.) one of my favorite things about visiting with dan. dan, his roommate, and i didn’t end up doing well. . . but if anyone else could’ve seen the semi educated guesses that we nailed out of nowhere. . . and the number of times we came so close. . . well, it was an impressive game, even though our score sucked.
tuesday gave us a chance to meet up without all the obstacles. i went for a morning ride after dan went to work. i cleaned up and then felt how tired the whole weekend had left me. we had been on the go from early morning through late evening each day so far. all the short visiting windows and running around to get to them. it all hit me hard. so i napped before meeting up with our friends. we had a nice time at dinner. sadly the evening was cut just a little short as work pulled away one of our friends. however, it made it an early night to get in and play some wii rockband. because we had been so busy, dan and i hadn’t had a chance to set down and play. the game is pretty damn fantastic.
all and all a pretty great visit. . . though something of a whirlwind. i got to do all the things i hoped, the riding, the trivia, the visits, and the wii rockband. . . it just took a little longer and involved a bit more running around than i anticipated. oh well.
8.06.2008
a sensory booster shot
“In an era of stress and anxiety, when the present seems unstable and the future unlikely, the natural response is to retreat and withdraw from reality, taking recourse either in fantasies of the future or in modified visions of a half-imagined past.” - Watchmen
there are a couple of ideas that have been scrambling around in my brain pan lately. i’ve had more free time this summer than in recent history, and have gotten to see a good number of movies. so many of them were comic book movies, or superhero type movies. . . at least more than i remember in an average summer. . . . but then again, i didn’t used to get out as often. i thought it a bit telling of our current state that our entertainment has become so saturated with hero fantasies. like we’re looking for saving or something? america: the well endowed damsel in distress.
for the most part, i’ve greatly enjoyed the movies. . .the comic book/ superhero ones: ironman- surprisingly FANTASTIC!, hulk- very strong, hellboy- enjoyable production eyecandy, dark knight- amazing, wanted- really good for what it is , hancock- actually didn’t see yet, . . . and then the super human ones- indiana jones- enjoyable, get smart- enjoyable, x-files- not nearly as bad as rottentomatoes made it out to be, mummy- probably won’t see. .. .
it was at one of the more recent movies that i caught the watchmen trailer. i came to comics late- and i wouldn’t say that i’m well versed or a huge fan, but i definitely like what i’ve read and want to read more. tank riot touched on the subject in a recent podcast. when asked what comic book they can’t wait to see come to the movies they said ‘watchmen’. . . so it was up on my radar, and i ordered it.
i just finished my second chuck palahniuk book in three months- (i’ve completely diverted from my reading list, but i’m a little hooked). i picked up a dusty jd salinger that had been sitting on a shelf since i was in highschool and started that, when again, i was diverted by the arrival of my copy of watchmen. i have a tendency to read too quickly. i really want to devour the story. . . and i quickly forget details. i will probably have to go back and reread the watchmen. it is so thick- both literally, which surprised me. . . and thick with a variety of reading levels. . . deconstruction, satire. . . . i’m not describing it well. it doesn’t read like a straight forward comic. there are book excerpts, news articles, and letters interjected throughout. the history and parallel world-like view is lush. . . and there’s a meta comic- adding even more allusion and metaphor. it’s an incredibly rich and detailed world. all the acclaim makes sense. i’ll have to do my part to become a watchmen pusher.
now i can’t wait to see what the movie does. hurry up march!
the salinger is good, but it’s like going off of caffeine compared to the watchmen. there’s a sensory withdrawal. . . .
i’ll have to supplement with more doses of the latest sigur ros album. :)
there are a couple of ideas that have been scrambling around in my brain pan lately. i’ve had more free time this summer than in recent history, and have gotten to see a good number of movies. so many of them were comic book movies, or superhero type movies. . . at least more than i remember in an average summer. . . . but then again, i didn’t used to get out as often. i thought it a bit telling of our current state that our entertainment has become so saturated with hero fantasies. like we’re looking for saving or something? america: the well endowed damsel in distress.
for the most part, i’ve greatly enjoyed the movies. . .the comic book/ superhero ones: ironman- surprisingly FANTASTIC!, hulk- very strong, hellboy- enjoyable production eyecandy, dark knight- amazing, wanted- really good for what it is , hancock- actually didn’t see yet, . . . and then the super human ones- indiana jones- enjoyable, get smart- enjoyable, x-files- not nearly as bad as rottentomatoes made it out to be, mummy- probably won’t see. .. .
it was at one of the more recent movies that i caught the watchmen trailer. i came to comics late- and i wouldn’t say that i’m well versed or a huge fan, but i definitely like what i’ve read and want to read more. tank riot touched on the subject in a recent podcast. when asked what comic book they can’t wait to see come to the movies they said ‘watchmen’. . . so it was up on my radar, and i ordered it.
i just finished my second chuck palahniuk book in three months- (i’ve completely diverted from my reading list, but i’m a little hooked). i picked up a dusty jd salinger that had been sitting on a shelf since i was in highschool and started that, when again, i was diverted by the arrival of my copy of watchmen. i have a tendency to read too quickly. i really want to devour the story. . . and i quickly forget details. i will probably have to go back and reread the watchmen. it is so thick- both literally, which surprised me. . . and thick with a variety of reading levels. . . deconstruction, satire. . . . i’m not describing it well. it doesn’t read like a straight forward comic. there are book excerpts, news articles, and letters interjected throughout. the history and parallel world-like view is lush. . . and there’s a meta comic- adding even more allusion and metaphor. it’s an incredibly rich and detailed world. all the acclaim makes sense. i’ll have to do my part to become a watchmen pusher.
now i can’t wait to see what the movie does. hurry up march!
the salinger is good, but it’s like going off of caffeine compared to the watchmen. there’s a sensory withdrawal. . . .
i’ll have to supplement with more doses of the latest sigur ros album. :)
8.01.2008
fuck the squeaky wheel
for those of you who may be offended by the use of the word ‘fuck’. you may want to stop here. in recent times i’ve been known to substitute an ‘effing’ or ‘frick’ and even a ‘frel’ (though not a ‘frack,’ still waiting to netflix those) for comedic effect, such will not be the case today.
i’m not fucking laughing. for those who don’t mind it, and are interested in the rant to follow: welcome. keep a tally if you wish, because i intend to fucking use the word as much as fucking possible. you see, i have few vices. i’m not a heavy drinker (barely a drinker at all), i don’t beat the proverbial ‘wife’ or ‘cat,’ nor do i usually feel the need to unleash my anger at complete strangers just because someone else has fucking disrupted my calm. so when i’ve been pushed to the fucking limit, i turn it inward, yeah, i sulk and become not so fucking cheery. . . perhaps play some NIN or linkin park really loudly in my car or headphones. . . but i’d rather upset the person who fucking upset me, than treat the next person like crap. they don’t deserve it, and frankly, neither the fuck did i. fucker.
(10 if you include the title)
perhaps this is my vice. i don’t intend to use real names, though i’m not sure why we should keep these fucking people anonymous. they are not innocent. they are a fucking scourge. yes, fucking yes, i understand that everyone has a fucking story. *eyes fucking rolling* there is always another side, so why should i stay quiet? i have a fucking story too. . . why is that not taking into fucking consideration? i’ve had too many other people’s fucking problems laid on me as of today. last week one of the program assistants noticed that i was being hassled by a third party and said (feeling sorry for me) that her mother, in these situations, always used to say, ‘one’s inability to organize does not constitute an emergency on my behalf.’ i wish i lived in that world.
i’m gonna keep going with this. . . since i feel my blood pressure falling and my shoulders relaxing. fucking finally.
in one sense i think it is so fucking sad the effect that this has on my memory. i’ve been working for this summer program. i have databased and tracked the names and information for all these candidates. 70 to 80% of all them were on time with their paperwork, they and their families were responsible and respectful. . . and i doubt if i can name one of them. i can, however, rattle off the fucking five top contenders for greatest fucking annoyances. most of the time it was not the camper’s fault, but their fucking parents’. though there were a few camper’s who seemed pretty fucking annoying, and i can remember their names too. i can remember the name of one fantabulous girl. actually, two. one girl took charge of all her own paperwork and i never talked to her parents. and a second girl was accepted very late (after some fucking kid dropped out) and she was able to get all the paperwork in at lightning speed. seeing two girls rocking it out makes me only wonder more why these other fuckers were incapable.
how fucking unfair is that? there are a couple hundred that did everything fine, but they will not stand out to me, because they didn’t squeak loudly enough. because they did everything right. it’s a fucking shame.
like most people, i’m rather patient and level headed. i can be very understanding of someone’s problems the first time around. but the 15th fucking time, or the 15th fucking person isn’t going to hear nearly as much compassion in my voice. ps, ‘15’ is a completely arbitrary number, i don’t know my exact limit. maybe because my limit is further out than others is why so many people think i’m so patient?
i am beginning to understand why creditors sound the way they do over the phone. they put up with nothing but sad stories and excuses all day. it’s all on the phone though. the don’t have some very annoyed and frustrated person standing in front of them, making fucking demands that cannot be met. yelling. . . . practically crying, fucking slamming walls?! really. . . is that how a grown up acts? oh wait. . . i guess so. it’s not like this is my first time on the fucking ferris wheel of emotionally fucked humans. and i’m not talking people who are locked up, medicated, and straight jacketed. i’m talking about people who act like fucking children when dealing with frustration and anger. they are allowed to walk around like everyone else.
fucking example #1
- a student designer at my undergrad. i was his scenic artist. we were doing some late night painting on his set together. he seemed mostly fine, kind of a dick. . . but no more than to be expected. he kept talking about this amazing blue paint he mixed earlier that day. it was this unbelievable color, there’s no way anyone could’ve come up with such a perfect blue. (in my head i’m thinking, it’s fucking BLUE. . . show it to me and i can mix it.) he was worried that someone had used it for a class project. he didn’t mark it. he left no note indicating that it was for a production and not to be used for a class. fucking idiot.
of course we got to the scene shop and the paint had been used. -it’s at times like these when i wish i had a video camera installed in my brain so i could run the playback for others who weren’t there. i’ve so often needed a witness.- anyway, a tantrum ensued. he threw paint cans and lids around the paint shop. he showed me the few tablespoons of his paint that was left over. i sat the bucket in front of me. while he fucking rampaged through all the class projects to eye who had used his color, i pulled out several cans of paint and set forth to remix the color. in ten minutes i had a perfect match. . . a full bucket. he had a red face and made a fucking huge mess of the paint shop which we had to pick up in order to work.
fucking example #2
-a mentor in grad school. to give a brief but definitive idea of my situation: there had always been two lighting grad students. after me, there continued to be two lighting grad students. for the three years i was there. . . i was one lighting grad student, doing all my normal work plus the work of the 2nd non existing grad student. there came a time when my fucking plate was simply too full. according to my schedule i was supposed to hold a lab session and keep five students busy hanging lights for a show. i was the master electrician, partial lighting designer, and lighting coordinator for a dance show. there were several lighting designers. some of them were fucking late with their choices and information. i didn’t have time to prepare my lab because of their lateness. instead of running a poorly organized lab that wouldn’t accomplish much beyond my own frustration and the frustration of my lab students. . . i let them have their two hours to themselves. i used the two hours to prep the late paperwork for the rest of the week. from that point on, the hang, focus, tech, and run of the show were all on time.
as i was using those two hours in the most efficient way i knew a few of my friends warned me that our teacher was on the warpath. she heard that i let my lab go for the day. in my own head i wonder if she had reflected on the fact that a student she fucking chose to add to the design process was now the one who had turned in her fucking paperwork late. . . and the responsibility to fix the problem fell on me. guess fucking not. when the teacher found me she was literally gnashing her teach, pulling at her frizzy hair, and spitting as she yelled at me. (another great brain cam moment.) she was so angry she could barely articulate. i remember the main idea- ‘what was i thinking? how could i let my class go? i’m so irresponsible.’ blah blah fucking blah.
was she interested in my method? fuck no. was she interested in knowing that because i had these two hours i wouldn’t have to shave it off my four hours of sleep time that night? fuck no. apparently she needed to show that my ability to prioritize pissed her off. . . and that she resembled fizzgig from the dark crystal when she throws a tantrum. (see link)
fizzgig
i’m feeling fucking better and better. . .
fucking example #3
-a staff person comes looking for her check. the checks come in the afternoon mail. she was promised by someone else that her check would be waiting for her. i am a temp with no control and little understanding of how things run. i comb through the desk. i look in the normal places. no check. i tell her it normally comes in the afternoon mail around 2pm. this isn’t fucking good enough. she was told differently. the person that told her is on vacation.
‘i need it.’ ‘what am i supposed to do for two hours?’ ‘i was told it would be here.’ all repetitively spouted at me. the frustration and anger building in her. and now she starts looking at me like i could bend over and fucking shit a check out for her, but am refusing. i make calls. the check was cut. it’s in the mail system. i tell her the mail comes around 11am and 2pm. . . . again, and again. she’s practically yelling at me now, for something i can’t fucking control. then she slams the wall with her hand. (dammit, where is that brain cam?!) she has to be somewhere, she needs that check before she leaves. . . . yeah, and i was supposed to be doing work. . . but now i’m here listening to you say this over and over again, and none of it is changing the outcome.
she reassures me that she isn’t yelling at me. she isn’t mad with me. does it matter? i’m making the phone calls, trying to remain kind to the payroll staff as i repeat questions. i have to deal with the human equivalent of the squeaky wheel directly. it doesn’t matter because she can’t actually take her fucking frustration out on the right person. . . therefore i get it.
she finally left. the people in the neighboring office return from lunch (oh right, i skipped lunch listening to this fucking mess) and i ask them about the morning mail. they explain there was a back up in mail services due to a power outage a day earlier.
she calls at 1pm. mail hasn’t arrived yet. again at 2:07. . . should be here soon. she decided to come back and wait for it.
oh goody.
the mail guy came by, no check. i explained the situation. calmly. (in my head i’m wondering if this woman carries a gun. could i duck quickly enough? she’d be frazzled. it would probably make her a bad shot. maybe i’d have time to duck and throw something damaging at her. throw her off her fucking game just long enough? ) the mail guy agreed that payroll is important and usually makes people smile. he delivered it yesterday and watched the vacationing person put it in a special spot. he pointed it out to me. there were the checks. i’m relieved. i thank the mail guy. my calm exterior didn’t faltered once. perhaps he even feels that he’s helped me. . . without me upsetting him first. i’m relieved and frustrated. someone could’ve told me (the only person in the office this week) where the checks would be hiding.
the staff member reappears. yet some other tragedy has occurred in the time it took her to drive back. what the fuck ever! take your fucking check and leave me in fucking peace!
i have no one take my fucking frustration out on. so i put it here.
good news: the inclination to writing ‘fuck’ is subsiding a little.
fucking conclusion
am i better than these people? yes. yes i am.
that just kinda feels good to say. yes i am better than these fucking squeaky wheels. fuck them. go choke on some oil!
ahhh. . . this is fucking zen!
truth? i have bad days. i complain about them. i lay my frustrations on others. . . though usually it’s a shared frustration. i don’t throw things, i don’t tug at my hair and grind my teeth, i don’t slam walls, i don’t yell. i do cry in bathroom stalls when no one knows. i do write about it and seethe on it for YEARS! i do hold grudges. for YEARS.
i feel better.
fucking addendum
in the face of all these fuckers, the more upset they got, the quieter and more stoic i got. is it possible that this is a catalyst for their overly dramatic ridiculous fucking behavior? is it possible that they feel better when they see someone else all worked up over their problem? and when faced with someone who remains resolved they spiral out of control?
if this is true. . . i’m really gonna need that brain cam installed STAT!
i’ve used an hour of my work time to write this. i will have to make up for it. maybe listen to some tool. . . post this to my blog. . . but i won’t give the check out guy at the grocery a hard time because i fell behind on my work. i’m gonna SUCK IT UP and finish my work. no biggie people.
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