Blah-ditty-blah

i've been debating on whether or not to write what i've thought about writing. . . and well. . . yes, it may be slightly embarrassing, slightly gross. . . . but, you can always stop reading if you wish. :)

this morning when i was picking my nose (yes i was p-i-c-k-i-n-g- my n-o-s-e) i had a small revelation. i had thought about it before. . . but then, as now. . .i felt less than comfortable about bringing it up in a conversational tone. there i was, trying to dislodge some biohazardous obstruction from my nostril and after succeeding, i found myself feeling mighty accomplished and even proud. you see, even after living in the southwest for several months. . .. my olfactory system is still getting used to the dryness. i find it so irritating to try to sleep with even the slightest whistle in my nose. . . so at times i've even implimented a q-tip in the quest for a clear nasal passage. hmmmmm. .. crusty blood and boogers! i sleep mostly facing down to keep congestion at bay. . . and part of the morning is spent in mass evacuation/escavation of any nasal blockage.

this morning, it just so happened that part of the inside of my nose had crusted up in an exact mold (kind of like a molten exoskeleton) of the passageway. . . and it remained intact as i pulled it out. what was even more wonderous is that it carried all the nastier, soggier material out with it. . .i thought to myself, "how productive!" but of course. . .it is barely something to run around proclaiming. . . or showing off. :)

i know there are others that feel this way. . . there must be! how about. . . have you ever wanted to (stench excluded) applaud someone's accomplishments in the public toilet? i've been seated and heard someone booking it down a set of stairs in a public library on her way to the bathroom. she slamed the door next to mine and started urinating so quickly that i have to think that her pants were half off by the time she hit the door. there was such force behind her relief and she sighed so loudly and somewhat joyously. . . . i nearly started clapping for her.

and then there is the messier of the bathroom reliefs. . . . yes . .. i mean taking a massive crap. everyone can understand that utter sense of alleviation that accompanies that kind of bowel movement. all kidding aside, it's nice to privately achieve that relief. . .. but again, in the public toilet. . . it becomes more about. . . "how can i squeeze this one out without a large 'plop', 'splash', or without it sounding like an onslaught of machine gun fire, or possibly the boiling, churning, and bubbling of and underground lava pit ?" ----even though it may feel exactly like that?

even though, in public, i would like to be discreet. . . there are situations where time is of the essence. . . that, or my queeziness has overshadowed my embarrassment and says, "screw it and let this one rip!".

i feel a certain kindship with others in this situation.. . . who seem to have made the decision to abandon the culturally accepted cautious toilet behavior and loudly break wind and expel noxious materials with what i can only imagine is a goofy grin on their face. at times i've been compelled to exclaim, "nice one!". . . or, "well done." you know that secretly, that's how they feel, and that's how they would congratulate themselves, if they could. . . aloud. ----------for i know, that secretly. . . behind the graffittied public stall door, they are blessing themselves, patting themselves on the back, pumping their fist in the air whispering "yes!", bowing their head and waving their hand in royal grandeur, or daydreaming of acceptance speeches for the 'greatest crapper award.' . . aren't you?!

anyway. . . there it is.

hope i didn't disgust too much. . . . :)

muhahahahahahahahahaha




"and we'll be saying a big hello to all intelligent life forms everywhere . . .and to everyone else out there, the secret is to bang the rocks together, guys."