a problem with procrastination

procrastination clutters my life-
literally.

for some reason i am completely unmotivated to put my washing away when it is done. dry clothes remain on the rack, clean socks and undies sit on my couch.

podcasts i’ve already heard sit in my ipod taking up space.

unused, unwatched and unread notebooks, dvds, magazines and books cover nearly every flat surface.

things i bought and received while i was home sit in luggage or boxes to be filed and used.

for a time, everything is stagnant.

then i need something.

a clean shirt- i look through my closet, nope, i left that one on the rack. crap- i cooked chicken last night and it smells like dinner. . . pick a different shirt.

that movie to bring to a friend’s- is it in the drawer where it should be? or in this exiled pile of dvds that i meant to watch soon? or did i leave it on the table from the last time i brought it over? perhaps under that stack of magazines and books that i meant to put away.

that website to order tickets- in the notebook i usually carry in my bag. . . but it was nearly out of clean sheets, so i took it out and didn’t transfer the info to a newer notebook. also under the stack of magazines? maybe just a couple of loose sheets somewhere. . . under the computer?. . . in the drawer?

place to sit- clear the couch? nah. . . just sit on the bed.

sync the ipod- no more space. . . lose an hour or two to reshuffle the podcasts i already listened to and albums i won’t listen to . .. make room for new music.

subway map- shit. . . day bag, but all that was transfered to a different bag while travelling. . . did it make it back, or still in the other bag. . . or also under that stack of magazines and books and notes to be put away?

then, i’m running late. . . i’ve torn through a third of my belongings. . . made even more of a mess, and i’m out the door because at least i’ve got that one thing that i needed right then and there.

the next thing will just have to wait for an opening in the crisis mode schedule.

did i mention i lost my best korean phrase book? it could possibly be somewhere among all my stuff. . . but i feel that it possibly slipped out of my bag (since my bag is also cluttered) and i somehow i didn’t notice for a few days.

i could be missing other things and don’t even know! how aggravating.

i don’t like it like this. . . and i know exactly how to fix it. . . i just lack initiative.

this isn’t even what i meant to blog about. i was supposed to write about my trip home . . . then maybe touch on how things have gone since i’ve been back.

there are so many details- just the first flight into the states is enough to make it’s own blog (my flight was the next international flight that landed in detroit after amsterdam’s flight with the failed bomb attempt on christmas day). . .
and yet i’m finding the task daunting. . .

and i’m worried that i’ll miss at nailing the specifics that i meant to hit.

i forget the comparisons i wanted to make. . .

the anecdotes aren’t as clear in my memory.

the blog will not meet the expectations i had. . .and so, i don’t blog. for a while.

procrastination clutters my life. . .
dulls my memory. . .
and feeds my self doubt.

time to fix it and get on track. . .

or maybe tomorrow night.