lightness. . .

about a week before i was to leave santa fe i had this interesting experience. i got up in the morning, everything just as usual. i started my stretching routine, and maybe i stayed a little longer on my back trying to relax my face. i’ve noticed that i hold a lot of tension in my face, for whatever reason. as i sat up to start stretching my legs (the positions where i feel the most tension from hurting my back) there was this ease that i hadn’t felt for a while. each of the stretches was totally easy, no pain, no strain, and i was reaching farther than i had in years probably. i moved around trying to find the pain and stiffness i am used to, but i couldn’t. everything was tension free.

then i realized it didn’t confine itself to my body. my mind was lighter. i sent myself through a quick gauntlet of painful memories to see how i would react to them. nothing stuck. everything rolled off my back gently. i felt enlivened and powerful. sometime during the course of the day i lost sight of that feeling and was immersed in the business of the day, but for a whole morning i was untouchable, strong and clear. this is the feeling i was hoping to achieve during my silent retreat time. i don’t know if i will get there again, but i was there for a bit so there’s a possibility that i will find it again.