if you love something. . .

set if free?

i remember littering the signature page of letters between pen pals with little sayings like that. ‘longer letter later’ (all made with one large L), sorry so short (all made with one large S), 2 people + 2 cool = 4 school and other silly little tag lines that were ever apparent and adjusted through our adolescence. “if you love something, set it free. if it returns, it was always meant to be. if it doesn’t, it was never yours to start with.” ?. . . is that how it went? i’m possibly paraphrasing, but it’s along that line.

at the time we wrote about it according to our crushes and whichever heavy metal hair band member we idolized over that month. when i think of one pen pal in particular, she’s been through a marriage, a divorce and is now raising two children. she’s been in and outta love from high school on (HA, kudos to those who caught the bon jovi reference!). i’ve avoided it like the plague. watching the roller coaster ride from the side can be amusing, lonely, and relieving all at the same time. i didn’t exactly realize i was just watching from a different ride.

i love my job.

i love my work.

theatrical electrician. . . says so on the card.

i don’t know how else to put it into words. when i tell the uninitiated what i do, many times they get this inflated and glamourous picture in their head. they think of the largest spectacled shows they’ve ever seen and imagine me there. i could try and correct their vision, but most often i get just as excited.

“NO! i didn’t work on that, but i did work on something else that was just as cool and magical for it’s own reasons. i know it inside and out and there is no way in hell i could explain it to the uninitiated, you would be completely bored with the details and i would lose you in the technicalities. but when all the little parts come together it created this art in motion that moved people, that impressed people, that made me proud. and there is no way i can impart that feeling in you other than to be just as excited, so i will nod my head and say, ‘yeah, it’s something like that.’”

for the ‘it’ crowd, the ones that understand. . . they know, or have an idea of where i stand. so i can get them excited by talking about the ‘boring’ details, and ‘mundane’ technicalities. but i can infuse them with the excitement i have about them. . . and infect them. it’s a tack i use when hiring or teaching class. i’ve seen it work, without a doubt- and i tend to be doubtful. but i have infected others, in the best sense. i’ve even been thanked. i might miss that part the most- the infection.

my work has been my greatest passion. and i don’t mean to make it out to be bigger than it is. i assist in the creation of a fake world for fake people that others watch for enjoyment. . . i didn’t cure cancer or anything.

so from a week after my high school graduation through today i’ve worked in technical theatre. yeah, there were two stints in college there too, but i was constantly working in technical theatre, constantly putting up a show, constantly in the design or implementation phase. late june 1993 through september 2007, some 14 years? (if we wanted to get technical, since i most often worked more than 40 hour weeks, we could start adjusting the years. . . but let’s not get technical) short by many standards. . . and yet, here i plan to leave. i won’t promise, since i don’t like to make a liar of myself. but i think i might be done. and i just found out i made it into a larger professional publication, picture and all. ironic. . .

if you love something, set it free.

. . . . . .

wonder if i get alimony?

. . . . . .

now what?


Sirenea said...

That was a truly beautiful post, Erika. If I could only write that well, I wouldn't be nearly as worried about what to do next...Your words, bravery, honesty-inspiring.S

Sirenea said...

That was a truly beautiful post, Erika. If I could only write that well, I wouldn't be nearly as worried about what to do next...Your words, bravery, honesty-inspiring.S