i've been told recently that i have poor time management skills, and i lack in leadership. sounds to me like being a Master Electrician might not be the best idea. but just in case, here's an equation.
i always sucked at algebra, for the most part. but i was REALLY good at truth/ logic tables. all the kids that were good at the rest of algebra had to struggle through the truth tables and i never understood that.
7.26.2007
simple logic
the treasure map
the light up treasure map we made as a gift for the prop tart queen in honor of her coronation.
some guitar hero
one of our first weeks as a complete group. travis on the guitar hero, and in the back, charlie on his wireless playing against travis through the window.
7.25.2007
wtf, where is my wu wei?
aka: a rationalization on why it’s ok for me to not return to calarts. . .
(from wikipedia)
Wu wei (Traditional Chinese characters: 無為 Simplified Chinese characters: 无为) is an important tenet of Taoism that involves knowing when to act and when not to act. Wu may be translated as not have; Wei may be translated as do, act, serve as, govern. The literal meaning of Wu Wei is "without action" and is often included in the paradox wei wu wei : "action without action" or "effortless doing". The practice of wu wei and the efficacy of wei wu wei are fundamental tenets in Chinese thought and have been mostly emphasized by the Taoist school. The aim of wu wei is to achieve a state of perfect equilibrium, or alignment with the Tao, and, as a result, obtain an irresistible form of "soft and invisible" power.
what was i thinking? i so rarely fight to get where i am. not that i don’t work hard, but somehow being in a place works out for me. there are always minor strifes, but i rarely feel like i’m not where i should be.
sorry, not making much sense here. . .
when i think back about how hard it was for me to leave santa fe and move to southern california, i really question my actions. i was so excited about the prospect of a new job, and the prestige of what i thought that job was, and the idea of being wanted that i think i was blinded to all the problems. i so desperately wanted it to work out.
-the week i interviewed for the job i was in the midst of end of season clean up and concerts at the opera. the clean up is usually laid back, but the concerts are always fraught with frustrations.
-a few days before i flew out for the interview my grandpa attempted suicide.
-the week i accepted the job i hospitalized myself with an anxiety attack and heart palpitations.
-i didn’t have a solid place to live when i got to valencia, so i stayed in a hotel for the first month and a half!
-my brother had to find a storage and unload the truck alone since my first week was already jam packed for me. . . he didn’t even get to see the school till he visited later.
-the office i was to inherit was a complete DUMP. i didn’t get to clean for a couple of weeks, but i found partially eaten fast food all over, and 9 ashtrays.
-i was first told that i would be ushered into the job with the assistance of the interim person for 5 weeks. when i got there it was changed to two weeks (still adequate), but the second week the guy never showed up due to illness.
-nothing that anyone else really wants to know, but i had diarrhea for the first two months i was there. . . unreal.
-the one person i wanted to live with accepted a job on a cruise ship the day we were going to look for apartments.
-the next week, i found a great room with a couple of guys that seemed really nice and laid back. everything seemed all set, i packed my car that weekend to move in and called to confirm that someone was there to meet me, at which point the landlord backed out on me.
-when i finally did find a room to rent, it was with decent enough people, but not anyone i have much in common with. (not that it matters too much, i was almost never home.)
-my grandpa moved in with my aunt and uncle downstate and started receiving better treatment. . . but then my uncle found out he had hodgkin's lymphoma and needed to start chemo treatments.
-then my aunt had some sort of breakdown due to some of her medications that sent her into a bizarre amnesia thing (while driving my cousin home.) in other words, being far away from my family while there were so many issues popping up was difficult.
-personally, i had benefits, but never had time to use them. . . no doctor visits, no check ups. . . then i hurt my back. . .
i kind of had this idea/ ideal that i would be able to get a place, have a decent work schedule, have a decent work out routine, there would be time for a social life, and maybe i could get a dog or something.
*pop*
that would be the bubble of my hopes and dreams busting.
only toward my last month there did i really start to realize how many interesting things i was surrounded by, just living near la. but i barely had a chance to see any of it, and getting to it with a friend or two was such a hassle sometimes. . . . yeah, that would be a reference to the terrible la traffic.
there have to be cool things happening all the time there. . . there’s 11 million people, they need their rec. time. . . but maybe that’s why places like santa fe intrigue me so much. when something cool happens, it’s a big deal, and seems like a big deal. all the cool stuff i did while in la i could’ve done as a tourist during a week’s vacation.
i was always swamped with work, always tired and beat up. i understand that most shrinks define a good relationship as being 80% good and 20% difficult. i was in a bad relationship with my job there. it was at least 70% rocky.
i feel like i was constantly fighting upstream, . . . carrying an elephant up the stairs. . . . and i was getting no where fast. others told me i was making changes. . . but i didn’t feel it enough for myself. i really missed being part of a close knit team. there was a production team, but i really like having a team of my own, one that goes through the paces of the day alongside me. . . not just on the skirt hem of me. . . not just passing in the hallways and sharing elevator rides with me.
it should have been simpler. . . all of it. it should have fit together more easily. . . my life lacked lube.
i lost the wu wei.
(from wikipedia)
Wu wei (Traditional Chinese characters: 無為 Simplified Chinese characters: 无为) is an important tenet of Taoism that involves knowing when to act and when not to act. Wu may be translated as not have; Wei may be translated as do, act, serve as, govern. The literal meaning of Wu Wei is "without action" and is often included in the paradox wei wu wei : "action without action" or "effortless doing". The practice of wu wei and the efficacy of wei wu wei are fundamental tenets in Chinese thought and have been mostly emphasized by the Taoist school. The aim of wu wei is to achieve a state of perfect equilibrium, or alignment with the Tao, and, as a result, obtain an irresistible form of "soft and invisible" power.
what was i thinking? i so rarely fight to get where i am. not that i don’t work hard, but somehow being in a place works out for me. there are always minor strifes, but i rarely feel like i’m not where i should be.
sorry, not making much sense here. . .
when i think back about how hard it was for me to leave santa fe and move to southern california, i really question my actions. i was so excited about the prospect of a new job, and the prestige of what i thought that job was, and the idea of being wanted that i think i was blinded to all the problems. i so desperately wanted it to work out.
-the week i interviewed for the job i was in the midst of end of season clean up and concerts at the opera. the clean up is usually laid back, but the concerts are always fraught with frustrations.
-a few days before i flew out for the interview my grandpa attempted suicide.
-the week i accepted the job i hospitalized myself with an anxiety attack and heart palpitations.
-i didn’t have a solid place to live when i got to valencia, so i stayed in a hotel for the first month and a half!
-my brother had to find a storage and unload the truck alone since my first week was already jam packed for me. . . he didn’t even get to see the school till he visited later.
-the office i was to inherit was a complete DUMP. i didn’t get to clean for a couple of weeks, but i found partially eaten fast food all over, and 9 ashtrays.
-i was first told that i would be ushered into the job with the assistance of the interim person for 5 weeks. when i got there it was changed to two weeks (still adequate), but the second week the guy never showed up due to illness.
-nothing that anyone else really wants to know, but i had diarrhea for the first two months i was there. . . unreal.
-the one person i wanted to live with accepted a job on a cruise ship the day we were going to look for apartments.
-the next week, i found a great room with a couple of guys that seemed really nice and laid back. everything seemed all set, i packed my car that weekend to move in and called to confirm that someone was there to meet me, at which point the landlord backed out on me.
-when i finally did find a room to rent, it was with decent enough people, but not anyone i have much in common with. (not that it matters too much, i was almost never home.)
-my grandpa moved in with my aunt and uncle downstate and started receiving better treatment. . . but then my uncle found out he had hodgkin's lymphoma and needed to start chemo treatments.
-then my aunt had some sort of breakdown due to some of her medications that sent her into a bizarre amnesia thing (while driving my cousin home.) in other words, being far away from my family while there were so many issues popping up was difficult.
-personally, i had benefits, but never had time to use them. . . no doctor visits, no check ups. . . then i hurt my back. . .
i kind of had this idea/ ideal that i would be able to get a place, have a decent work schedule, have a decent work out routine, there would be time for a social life, and maybe i could get a dog or something.
*pop*
that would be the bubble of my hopes and dreams busting.
only toward my last month there did i really start to realize how many interesting things i was surrounded by, just living near la. but i barely had a chance to see any of it, and getting to it with a friend or two was such a hassle sometimes. . . . yeah, that would be a reference to the terrible la traffic.
there have to be cool things happening all the time there. . . there’s 11 million people, they need their rec. time. . . but maybe that’s why places like santa fe intrigue me so much. when something cool happens, it’s a big deal, and seems like a big deal. all the cool stuff i did while in la i could’ve done as a tourist during a week’s vacation.
i was always swamped with work, always tired and beat up. i understand that most shrinks define a good relationship as being 80% good and 20% difficult. i was in a bad relationship with my job there. it was at least 70% rocky.
i feel like i was constantly fighting upstream, . . . carrying an elephant up the stairs. . . . and i was getting no where fast. others told me i was making changes. . . but i didn’t feel it enough for myself. i really missed being part of a close knit team. there was a production team, but i really like having a team of my own, one that goes through the paces of the day alongside me. . . not just on the skirt hem of me. . . not just passing in the hallways and sharing elevator rides with me.
it should have been simpler. . . all of it. it should have fit together more easily. . . my life lacked lube.
i lost the wu wei.
7.19.2007
i quit. . .
. . . my job.
i left the calarts position. i’m kinda sick over it, but for the time being i have to think the decision was for the best.
i mulled over it for weeks. then the summer got bad. . . and i thought of how i would leave here, and within three days be doing the calarts job without a break in between. i would be horrible. tired, bitter, burnt out. . . filled with self doubt stirred up by events here.
not exactly a fair way to start a school year for a handful of new and returning students.
i feel bad for the students i got to know and like, and the staff that i got to know and like, but they deserve someone who will be strong and positive, and i don’t think i will have that in another month and a half.
currently i don’t have much time to be upset over the decision. . . maybe sometime in mid august i’ll get all weepy about it.
i left the calarts position. i’m kinda sick over it, but for the time being i have to think the decision was for the best.
i mulled over it for weeks. then the summer got bad. . . and i thought of how i would leave here, and within three days be doing the calarts job without a break in between. i would be horrible. tired, bitter, burnt out. . . filled with self doubt stirred up by events here.
not exactly a fair way to start a school year for a handful of new and returning students.
i feel bad for the students i got to know and like, and the staff that i got to know and like, but they deserve someone who will be strong and positive, and i don’t think i will have that in another month and a half.
currently i don’t have much time to be upset over the decision. . . maybe sometime in mid august i’ll get all weepy about it.
7.03.2007
surreal. . .
the work load this summer has been a little less than. . . i don’t want to jinx the whole thing. we are all working hard, long hours, and we’re all tired, but not quite to the extent that we have been in recent history. so we have a little time on our hands. . . or HAD a little time. not so much anymore.
i somehow have missed any and all chances to clean my car, but i did get a new haircut. there have been the usual bbq’s and such, but we even got to fit in an extra baseball game. granted this is all a few weeks ago now. presently we’ve opened our first two shows, been through the whole prop tart coronation and such, but i’ll get around to that in a bit.
we got out of work early and headed out for an afternoon in albuquerque, with a required trip to REI and another required stop at the talin market. about halfway to albuquerque we noticed something that looked like smoke trailing up from a hillside. there had been a few fires recently, so we figured it was along those lines. the trail of smoke increased a bit in size and we all started joking about how odd it would be for us to all experience driving alongside a tornado together. . . and then it became a little less than a joke. the funnel became rather pronounced and even though the sky hadn’t gone as dark and green as i’d seen before, there was a tornado about 15 miles from us. there was a carload of crew in front of us, and a carload behind us. the wind really started to pick up and there were so many cars stopping along the side of the road to watch that driving past them became hazardous. so we stopped too. we watched the tornado run and recede, and then sat through a hail storm that lasted about 20 minutes. we kept in contact with both our friends in front and our friends behind us. there was an accident behind us and a number of emergency vehicles sped passed while we waited out the hail. then we heard from our friends not more than a half mile behind us, that everyone there was being turned back to santa fe. the carload in front of us were almost in albuquerque. and we were in this bizarre no-man’s land. we started to press forward and there were no cars for several miles. we kept thinking one of the cops would pull up behind us and have us turn around, but then we came up on a spot where they had everyone on the other side of the highway stopped and were turning them back to albuquerque.
we squeaked by and met up with the lead group at REI. on our way out we heard that the other group would be allowed to pass through and we’d all meet up for the game. and no, i didn’t end up buying the bag that lit up on the interior when you broke the magnetic clasp. . . . but i thought about it for a really long time. and finding the place with bubble tea on the way out of the talin market was a great little surprise. we kept hearing that there would be another storm and we kept our eyes out. . . plenty of wind, but nothing too bad. when the sky finally cleared it was a great sunset.
the game was pretty great, and the ‘topes won, and who can resist a little pepperoni and green chile pizza. one would think, huh, quite and unusual day, but it hadn’t ended yet. you see, the combination of ballpark beer and silly two dollar bets can lead someone to do something that isn’t entirely thought through. a little harmless ballpark trespassing and suddenly you and everyone with you is watching your friend being led out of the park by security. so yeah. . . the whole tornado thing- quite bizarre, but trying to deal with unreasonable cops at the end of the night brings it to a whole new level.
i somehow have missed any and all chances to clean my car, but i did get a new haircut. there have been the usual bbq’s and such, but we even got to fit in an extra baseball game. granted this is all a few weeks ago now. presently we’ve opened our first two shows, been through the whole prop tart coronation and such, but i’ll get around to that in a bit.
we got out of work early and headed out for an afternoon in albuquerque, with a required trip to REI and another required stop at the talin market. about halfway to albuquerque we noticed something that looked like smoke trailing up from a hillside. there had been a few fires recently, so we figured it was along those lines. the trail of smoke increased a bit in size and we all started joking about how odd it would be for us to all experience driving alongside a tornado together. . . and then it became a little less than a joke. the funnel became rather pronounced and even though the sky hadn’t gone as dark and green as i’d seen before, there was a tornado about 15 miles from us. there was a carload of crew in front of us, and a carload behind us. the wind really started to pick up and there were so many cars stopping along the side of the road to watch that driving past them became hazardous. so we stopped too. we watched the tornado run and recede, and then sat through a hail storm that lasted about 20 minutes. we kept in contact with both our friends in front and our friends behind us. there was an accident behind us and a number of emergency vehicles sped passed while we waited out the hail. then we heard from our friends not more than a half mile behind us, that everyone there was being turned back to santa fe. the carload in front of us were almost in albuquerque. and we were in this bizarre no-man’s land. we started to press forward and there were no cars for several miles. we kept thinking one of the cops would pull up behind us and have us turn around, but then we came up on a spot where they had everyone on the other side of the highway stopped and were turning them back to albuquerque.
we squeaked by and met up with the lead group at REI. on our way out we heard that the other group would be allowed to pass through and we’d all meet up for the game. and no, i didn’t end up buying the bag that lit up on the interior when you broke the magnetic clasp. . . . but i thought about it for a really long time. and finding the place with bubble tea on the way out of the talin market was a great little surprise. we kept hearing that there would be another storm and we kept our eyes out. . . plenty of wind, but nothing too bad. when the sky finally cleared it was a great sunset.
the game was pretty great, and the ‘topes won, and who can resist a little pepperoni and green chile pizza. one would think, huh, quite and unusual day, but it hadn’t ended yet. you see, the combination of ballpark beer and silly two dollar bets can lead someone to do something that isn’t entirely thought through. a little harmless ballpark trespassing and suddenly you and everyone with you is watching your friend being led out of the park by security. so yeah. . . the whole tornado thing- quite bizarre, but trying to deal with unreasonable cops at the end of the night brings it to a whole new level.
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