too good to not share, thanks jen!

Oh, me my valentine
By Brian McGrory, Globe Columnist  |  February 11, 2005
There's a woman out there -- and she knows who she is -- who once tossed the better part of a McDonald's strawberry shake in my lap on a long-ago Valentine's Day because I gave her a dozen roses.

That's right: I gave her roses -- soft, supple, unbelievably expensive roses, roses that I had waited 45 minutes in line to buy that would have sold for maybe a third of the price the next day. It was Valentine's Day, and that's what you do, right? You give roses.

Apparently not to this woman, who seethed: "You're more creative than this." By the time I mopped the pink foam from my pants and tried to explain that I really wasn't, she was long gone, which is just as well.

But now I'm starting to think she might have been right. I am more creative. I am more creative because of the idea I'm about to unfurl right now, an idea that will undoubtedly take Boston, then Massachusetts, and ultimately the nation by an incredible storm.

Cancel Valentine's Day, which has rapidly become the most overpriced, over-hyped event of the year. Then replace it with a holiday dedicated to the person you truly love the most in life, the one extraordinarily deserving human being who loyally accompanies you every step of the way along this sometimes difficult journey called life.

Yourself.

That's right, delighted readers. We're going to designate Feb. 14 as Self-Appreciation Day, in what is destined to be the most anticipated celebration of the year. Mothers and fathers have always had their own day, as have Pilgrims, secretaries, veterans, Christopher Columbus, dead people, workers, and groundhogs. Why not you? Why not now?

I know, I know, the traditionalists out there are aghast.

How, they're asking, can you not revel in this holiest of Hallmark Holidays highlighting mutual love and all things coupled?

What they're really asking is how can you not spend stupid amounts of money on flowers that have the ability to draw blood.

Why, they're wondering, would you not want to pay jacked-up prices for specially designated Valentine's Day menus at packed restaurants where couples are trying to act like they're much more enamored of each other than they actually are.

The important thing to notice is that the people asking these questions are all women. You see, somewhere along the line, Valentine's Day ceased to be about the couple. Equality in a relationship ended at the stroke of midnight on Feb. 13 and resumed sometime in the morning of the 15th.

Put another way, have you ever met a woman who fretted over what to get her mate for Valentine's Day? If you have, marry her, but I suspect she doesn't exist. She's too busy worrying that the flower deliveryman carrying the vase through her office is walking toward somebody else.

Which won't be an issue on Self-Appreciation Day. When you buy a card that says "World's Greatest Lover," for the first time in your life, you'll actually mean it.

On Self-Appreciation Day, Lovers' Lane leads right in front of your television, preferably to "CSI: Miami," a fresh bag of Doritos, and a cold Sam Adams in hand. Every single bit of guesswork is taken out of purchasing just the right present. In fact, the wager here is that Self-Appreciation Day will prove to be a bigger boon to the economy than Christmas and Valentine's Day combined, with nary a single return.

A new plasma? Hey, I'm worth it. Chocolates? To hell with the fancy stuff over at L. A. Burdick that run about three bucks a bite. Get an oversized Hershey's Krackel and thank your lucky stars for the wonderful giver of such a thoughtful gift.

If you feel compelled to take yourself for a night on the town, picture the quiet calm of a restaurant where every table is set for one -- and when you order dessert, every joyous bite is finally yours.

Self-Appreciation Day: The one day of the year when love is truly in the air.

Brian McGrory is a Globe columnist. He can be reached at mcgrory@globe.com.