this is my cyborg acronym name for my nickname, toto. i think it's fabulous, and oh so appropriate!
want your own?
1.31.2005
1.30.2005
missing pictures. . .
so, summer of 2003. the opera put me up in this really fabulous looking house. i had great roommates. and i had the better of the rooms, since i had my own bathroom with it. when it came time for me to move from this house and into an apartment in town, well, it was a quick move. i was cleaning like a mad woman, and stuffing things into my car to make multiple trips to the apartment. the housing director for the opera had asked personally for a couple extra days for me, so she stopped by to make sure that i had really cleaned it up. i had one small load left and a few things from my closets, of which i had two.- such a great room.
anyway, i had these small file folder looking picture holders. you know, the file folder holders that have a handle and a buckle int he front? well, these were just a smaller version, for pictures. i had them on a the top right corner of the shelf of the closet closest to my windows. i kept telling myself, 'don't forget the pictures, don't forget the pictures.' and i took out a few more trips then i left with promises to the housing director to bring the trash out to the corner the next morning.
i honestly have no memory of what happened to the pictures. i've searched all my things since then, and even been back in the house to do a quick sweep of the place- my roommate from last summer had my room this summer. before that i had called the woman who was in charge of watching over the house for the owner- who never lives there. i asked about the pictures, even since it have been about 8 months. but she never got back to me. and in my search i didn't find anything.
now, in my everyday life, it doesn't matter that much. but there are times when i wish i could go back and revisit the moments in the shots. by the way, this was a BDC. . . before digital camera.
i'm pretty sure that it all chonicles my time at grad school. granted, there is a good portion of that part of my life that i wouldn't mind losing, but it wouldn't include most of what i had taken pictures of.
what i remember. . .
matt and matt:
i had only been at kent for maybe a month or so. it was our my first show there. i'm sure it was during technical rehearsals or dress rehearsals. these two guys, matt gorris-a scenic grad student, and matt filmeck- a lighting undergrad student were sitting across from each other at a side table discussing something or other. i grabbed my camera, which i'm sure i had there to take shots of my design, and turned to the two and of them and told them to smile.
what i remember about them most, other than i think the shirt filmeck was wearing made his eyes absolutely gleam blue, was that i barely knew them at the time. i felt sort of shy about taking their picture since i didn't really know them. sort of like i had the need to take pictures of people around me in order to show my parents that i was doing fine and had friends in kent. now, they are both really good friends of mine. i last saw filmeck, who now lives and works in vegas, while i was at a lighting convention in vegas. we hung out together for an evening with another friend of mine. gorris, i called him on my day off to see how his teaching job was going in virginia. i had just sent out an 'i'm bored' email, that had a bunch of fun links attached to it. gorris picked up his phone, and before i had a chance to say hi, he got out, 'what is it erika? have a day off and bored so you're calling around?' yep. . . that's exactly how it was. we chatted about the possibility of me going to a summer job conference that he'd be at too.
what is wonderful about the picture is how i know these two people now, and how i barely knew them in that one moment. and seeing them again, for an instant, from that point of view again, is just wonderful.
swon, soo-chong, and me:
the picture was taken a rockney's- an after school deflation food and drink type place. i had just gotten over being sick but my voice was hoarse for about 2 weeks afterward. swon, my good friend and a group of us were going out to rockneys for dinner, and her sister, soo-chong, was visiting from seattle. many people had commented about how cute my voice was in it's current state. we all tried to to let soo-chong know that i had a normal voice, and that i had just been sick. but she joked that she thought we were all lying because my hoarseness was so consistent. that this was, in fact, my real and only voice. somewhere around then someone else snapped off a shot of the three of us with out arms around each other's shoulders.
what makes the story better, and the memory of the picture better is that several months later swon became my roommate. soo-chong called to check up on her sister. and as coincidence would have it, i had just gotten over another cold that had left me hoarse again! so i answered the phone, and swon had told her that she was living with me. after i said hi, soo chong broke into laughter and joked that she had known it all along! that WAS my real voice and that the being sick story was all a lie! so, maybe the picture isn't where it's all at, but it helped remind me of that moment.
next is my friend's vegas chapel wedding:
my second chance to go to the lighting conference (LDI) was in vegas a couple of years ago. (the conference switches between orlando and vegas) the year before i went to orlando and got to run into a handful of friends that i hadn't seen since undergrad. it was like the world was reopening for me after being hidden away in virginia. so when i contacted a couple of my friends to let them know i'd be in vegas and couldn't wait to see them again, my one friend was ecstatic, since that meant i could attend her wedding. -i had met her boyfriend the year before in orlando. i was totally psyched. we ran into a handful of people from school and all were invited. it was a small ceremony, his parents, a couple of their co-workers, and a handful of emersonians. we weren't allowed to take pictures of our own in the chapel, since that is how the chapel makes most of it's money, by employing their own photographer.
their two co-workers held up cell phones, one with her grandmother and mother online, and the other with her younger brother online. his parents took us all out for dinner afterward and we all hung out at the freemont street experience afterward. she and i had been in the same class and had been through a lot together, but she had a way of keeping most people at a distance. i felt we were good friends, but not really tight, but i think i underestimated it. she thanked me quietly apart from everyone for being there. our other school friends were a couple of years older, and she felt i was one of the closest people to her, so she was glad to have had me there for the ceremony. although i have no idea how true it is, i feel that maybe i was as close as a person could get to her, and maybe that's what really mattered.
anyway, we weren't supposed to take pictures on or around the premises. . . but do you really think that kept us from doing it? hell no. while the chapel was busy with the next few weddings, we took some nice and some joke shots outside of the chapel, including one of my friend brian running away from the chapel with a look of terror on his face as he read the sign. then, there was mercedes and gordon. mer in a light pink mandarin collar embroidered dress with her glowing orange hair, and gordon, all in black with a styling buckle that mer had just bought for him.
i guess i could go into the night of the bachelor/bachelorette party at a strip club, but i'll save that for another time :)
the iron chef surprise birthday party:
my second year at grad school. a group of my friends had conspiried to find out my birthdate. i don't normally give it out. (we had actually done it for a friend recently. the 'conspiring' consisted of me rummaging through his school bag while he was in a rehearsal, then finding his wallet and checking his liscense.) so, one of my friends had done about the same thing when i had gotten my new ohio liscense, several months earlier.
i had been really into iron chef for some time and had pushed it onto my friends, as i do with anything i like a lot :) muhahahah . . . anyway, i was in tech for my thesis show. they went all out trying to figure out if i would be able to come home or if i would be busy with cuing notes. lots of scheduling and planning. it was supposed to be a surprise. however, another friend, scared that i was missing my own surprise birthday party blurted it out to me one night while we were hanging out at his place. on another occasion, closer to the actual event, i was searching for them at one point to discuss the prospects of lunch or dinner, and found them all up in the costume shop. it just turned out that i walked in as my roommate was explaining to the group how i was completely oblivious.
-normally, i would agree, i have a tendancy to be oblivious, however, i have a great knack of uncanny timing. i guess it balances out. it was no longer a surprise birthday party, but i had no idea the extent of it.
so, on my birthday, i was in the theatre doing cuing notes. i recognized that one of the girls was set up as a look out in the computer lab. however, when i was ready to go home, i didn't see her, so i thought she had left already. and i went home, sort of prepared.
i walked into my house through a door that i don't normally use, it leads into the livingroom. my friends had transformed the livingroom into a version of kitchen stadium. i walked in to the theme music for iron chef. one of my friends threw a chef's hat on my head and an apron with my nickname on it around me. when i was asked to answer questions a sharp harsh light was thrown on my face to imitate the show. then another friend, dressed as chairman kaga recited a bit of my childhood and announced me as the challenger, my battle was against swon, my friend, who was the iron chef. the layout was made so that we would be making sushi. swon taught me how to along the way, and we were able to eat all our creations. part of my gift was also some sushi making and serving utensils, plates, soy sauce dipping thingies, and such.
however, half way through the opening ceremony i realized that someone was missing. the look out. my friend sarah. sarah, i'm sorry if you're reading this now and finding out the truth for the first time. i hope you actually see how much we care for you through our actions. we realized that sarah was missing and quickly threw together a plan. i drove away and someone made a call to sarah on her phone to let her know that i had called home to see if my roommate needed anything from the store since i would stop by on my way home. in the meantime, i drove to the local grocery parking lot, and sat there for about fifteen minutes. when i was pretty sure that sarah had arrived, i drove back home and we replayed the whole thing. i tried my best to act as surprised as the first time, as did everyone. the theme music played, a couple of my friends acted as the commentary guy that does a lot of the talking, chairman kaga read my short history again, and swon came in as the iron chef.
using all the ingredients we made and ate a lot of sushi. i have to say, even though i'm not the biggest on celebrating my birthday, the whole set up, all the time they put into it, and how much fun we had the entire night. . . it was one of the most amazing things anyone or a group of people have done for me. i remember i'm red faced in most of the pictures, and the smiles were all open mouthed and excited.
so yeah. most of the time i don't need these pictures around. but i wonder, if each of these held this many memories, imagine all the ones i have forgotten about? not the memories exactly, but what did i take pictures of? what memories would they jog? i plan to call the woman who looks after the house again, on the off chance that somehow these weren't thrown away, that maybe they were just locked up in some lesser used closet- there is a closet or a room that was always locked in that place, maybe they are still there, almost two years later?
keep your fingers crossed for me :)
so, summer of 2003. the opera put me up in this really fabulous looking house. i had great roommates. and i had the better of the rooms, since i had my own bathroom with it. when it came time for me to move from this house and into an apartment in town, well, it was a quick move. i was cleaning like a mad woman, and stuffing things into my car to make multiple trips to the apartment. the housing director for the opera had asked personally for a couple extra days for me, so she stopped by to make sure that i had really cleaned it up. i had one small load left and a few things from my closets, of which i had two.- such a great room.
anyway, i had these small file folder looking picture holders. you know, the file folder holders that have a handle and a buckle int he front? well, these were just a smaller version, for pictures. i had them on a the top right corner of the shelf of the closet closest to my windows. i kept telling myself, 'don't forget the pictures, don't forget the pictures.' and i took out a few more trips then i left with promises to the housing director to bring the trash out to the corner the next morning.
i honestly have no memory of what happened to the pictures. i've searched all my things since then, and even been back in the house to do a quick sweep of the place- my roommate from last summer had my room this summer. before that i had called the woman who was in charge of watching over the house for the owner- who never lives there. i asked about the pictures, even since it have been about 8 months. but she never got back to me. and in my search i didn't find anything.
now, in my everyday life, it doesn't matter that much. but there are times when i wish i could go back and revisit the moments in the shots. by the way, this was a BDC. . . before digital camera.
i'm pretty sure that it all chonicles my time at grad school. granted, there is a good portion of that part of my life that i wouldn't mind losing, but it wouldn't include most of what i had taken pictures of.
what i remember. . .
matt and matt:
i had only been at kent for maybe a month or so. it was our my first show there. i'm sure it was during technical rehearsals or dress rehearsals. these two guys, matt gorris-a scenic grad student, and matt filmeck- a lighting undergrad student were sitting across from each other at a side table discussing something or other. i grabbed my camera, which i'm sure i had there to take shots of my design, and turned to the two and of them and told them to smile.
what i remember about them most, other than i think the shirt filmeck was wearing made his eyes absolutely gleam blue, was that i barely knew them at the time. i felt sort of shy about taking their picture since i didn't really know them. sort of like i had the need to take pictures of people around me in order to show my parents that i was doing fine and had friends in kent. now, they are both really good friends of mine. i last saw filmeck, who now lives and works in vegas, while i was at a lighting convention in vegas. we hung out together for an evening with another friend of mine. gorris, i called him on my day off to see how his teaching job was going in virginia. i had just sent out an 'i'm bored' email, that had a bunch of fun links attached to it. gorris picked up his phone, and before i had a chance to say hi, he got out, 'what is it erika? have a day off and bored so you're calling around?' yep. . . that's exactly how it was. we chatted about the possibility of me going to a summer job conference that he'd be at too.
what is wonderful about the picture is how i know these two people now, and how i barely knew them in that one moment. and seeing them again, for an instant, from that point of view again, is just wonderful.
swon, soo-chong, and me:
the picture was taken a rockney's- an after school deflation food and drink type place. i had just gotten over being sick but my voice was hoarse for about 2 weeks afterward. swon, my good friend and a group of us were going out to rockneys for dinner, and her sister, soo-chong, was visiting from seattle. many people had commented about how cute my voice was in it's current state. we all tried to to let soo-chong know that i had a normal voice, and that i had just been sick. but she joked that she thought we were all lying because my hoarseness was so consistent. that this was, in fact, my real and only voice. somewhere around then someone else snapped off a shot of the three of us with out arms around each other's shoulders.
what makes the story better, and the memory of the picture better is that several months later swon became my roommate. soo-chong called to check up on her sister. and as coincidence would have it, i had just gotten over another cold that had left me hoarse again! so i answered the phone, and swon had told her that she was living with me. after i said hi, soo chong broke into laughter and joked that she had known it all along! that WAS my real voice and that the being sick story was all a lie! so, maybe the picture isn't where it's all at, but it helped remind me of that moment.
next is my friend's vegas chapel wedding:
my second chance to go to the lighting conference (LDI) was in vegas a couple of years ago. (the conference switches between orlando and vegas) the year before i went to orlando and got to run into a handful of friends that i hadn't seen since undergrad. it was like the world was reopening for me after being hidden away in virginia. so when i contacted a couple of my friends to let them know i'd be in vegas and couldn't wait to see them again, my one friend was ecstatic, since that meant i could attend her wedding. -i had met her boyfriend the year before in orlando. i was totally psyched. we ran into a handful of people from school and all were invited. it was a small ceremony, his parents, a couple of their co-workers, and a handful of emersonians. we weren't allowed to take pictures of our own in the chapel, since that is how the chapel makes most of it's money, by employing their own photographer.
their two co-workers held up cell phones, one with her grandmother and mother online, and the other with her younger brother online. his parents took us all out for dinner afterward and we all hung out at the freemont street experience afterward. she and i had been in the same class and had been through a lot together, but she had a way of keeping most people at a distance. i felt we were good friends, but not really tight, but i think i underestimated it. she thanked me quietly apart from everyone for being there. our other school friends were a couple of years older, and she felt i was one of the closest people to her, so she was glad to have had me there for the ceremony. although i have no idea how true it is, i feel that maybe i was as close as a person could get to her, and maybe that's what really mattered.
anyway, we weren't supposed to take pictures on or around the premises. . . but do you really think that kept us from doing it? hell no. while the chapel was busy with the next few weddings, we took some nice and some joke shots outside of the chapel, including one of my friend brian running away from the chapel with a look of terror on his face as he read the sign. then, there was mercedes and gordon. mer in a light pink mandarin collar embroidered dress with her glowing orange hair, and gordon, all in black with a styling buckle that mer had just bought for him.
i guess i could go into the night of the bachelor/bachelorette party at a strip club, but i'll save that for another time :)
the iron chef surprise birthday party:
my second year at grad school. a group of my friends had conspiried to find out my birthdate. i don't normally give it out. (we had actually done it for a friend recently. the 'conspiring' consisted of me rummaging through his school bag while he was in a rehearsal, then finding his wallet and checking his liscense.) so, one of my friends had done about the same thing when i had gotten my new ohio liscense, several months earlier.
i had been really into iron chef for some time and had pushed it onto my friends, as i do with anything i like a lot :) muhahahah . . . anyway, i was in tech for my thesis show. they went all out trying to figure out if i would be able to come home or if i would be busy with cuing notes. lots of scheduling and planning. it was supposed to be a surprise. however, another friend, scared that i was missing my own surprise birthday party blurted it out to me one night while we were hanging out at his place. on another occasion, closer to the actual event, i was searching for them at one point to discuss the prospects of lunch or dinner, and found them all up in the costume shop. it just turned out that i walked in as my roommate was explaining to the group how i was completely oblivious.
-normally, i would agree, i have a tendancy to be oblivious, however, i have a great knack of uncanny timing. i guess it balances out. it was no longer a surprise birthday party, but i had no idea the extent of it.
so, on my birthday, i was in the theatre doing cuing notes. i recognized that one of the girls was set up as a look out in the computer lab. however, when i was ready to go home, i didn't see her, so i thought she had left already. and i went home, sort of prepared.
i walked into my house through a door that i don't normally use, it leads into the livingroom. my friends had transformed the livingroom into a version of kitchen stadium. i walked in to the theme music for iron chef. one of my friends threw a chef's hat on my head and an apron with my nickname on it around me. when i was asked to answer questions a sharp harsh light was thrown on my face to imitate the show. then another friend, dressed as chairman kaga recited a bit of my childhood and announced me as the challenger, my battle was against swon, my friend, who was the iron chef. the layout was made so that we would be making sushi. swon taught me how to along the way, and we were able to eat all our creations. part of my gift was also some sushi making and serving utensils, plates, soy sauce dipping thingies, and such.
however, half way through the opening ceremony i realized that someone was missing. the look out. my friend sarah. sarah, i'm sorry if you're reading this now and finding out the truth for the first time. i hope you actually see how much we care for you through our actions. we realized that sarah was missing and quickly threw together a plan. i drove away and someone made a call to sarah on her phone to let her know that i had called home to see if my roommate needed anything from the store since i would stop by on my way home. in the meantime, i drove to the local grocery parking lot, and sat there for about fifteen minutes. when i was pretty sure that sarah had arrived, i drove back home and we replayed the whole thing. i tried my best to act as surprised as the first time, as did everyone. the theme music played, a couple of my friends acted as the commentary guy that does a lot of the talking, chairman kaga read my short history again, and swon came in as the iron chef.
using all the ingredients we made and ate a lot of sushi. i have to say, even though i'm not the biggest on celebrating my birthday, the whole set up, all the time they put into it, and how much fun we had the entire night. . . it was one of the most amazing things anyone or a group of people have done for me. i remember i'm red faced in most of the pictures, and the smiles were all open mouthed and excited.
so yeah. most of the time i don't need these pictures around. but i wonder, if each of these held this many memories, imagine all the ones i have forgotten about? not the memories exactly, but what did i take pictures of? what memories would they jog? i plan to call the woman who looks after the house again, on the off chance that somehow these weren't thrown away, that maybe they were just locked up in some lesser used closet- there is a closet or a room that was always locked in that place, maybe they are still there, almost two years later?
keep your fingers crossed for me :)
1.29.2005
me, the computer tutor. . .
so the production director came up to me earlier in the week and asked, 'erika, you run on a mac don't you?'
me, hesitantly. . . 'yeah'
PD-'i'm going to borrow you for a little while.'
so we walked down to the ranch where the admisistrative offices are, and he explained the deal. there's this woman, -i guess she's a deisgn consultant or something- and she's been put in charge of collecting pictures for the 50th anniversary book for the santa fe opera. she recently bought a top model powerbook and is having some trouble.
immediately i think i'm in over my head, she's probably deep, deep in photoshop, and i won't really be able to help her. when i meet her, i remember her a little from last year. while were were emptying the crosby house (the founder of the opera who had died) she was taking pictures and measuring pieces of furniture to be used in the ny office. i wasn't very fond of her. she came off as rather snooty, and well, when we had to make a special trip back to the opera building in order to furnish her coke with ice. . . that clinched it for me. so, i didn't like her, but i didn't have to deal with her much.
i sat down with her for a little while to see if i can figure out the problems she is having with her mac, thinking for sure that i would shortly be on the phone with my friends who know much more then me, and who i call when i have questions about my own machine. in front of her at her desk was a 17" brand new powerbook. . . excuse my while i grab a bowl to catch my drool. . . and the problem she was having? she had never used a computer before. . . . never. . . . . and i mean. . . . NEVER! i think she's probably in her early sixties. . . but i'm really bad at guessing age.
her partner apparently does all the computer work for whatever firm she works for. . or owns. . . or whatever, i'm not sure. and she's never picked one up. so, she's using photoshop to look at pictures on discs to see if she wants any of them. now, photoshop, a really great mac. . . these would be great tools in the hands of a designer who knew what they were doing, . . . this was not that designer. after a couple of hours, i realized that although preview is the easiest, maybe fastest way to look through pictures. . . this woman really just wants large pictures to scroll past her view, then she wants to be able to save or delete them. . or consider having them touched up.
i do quite a bit of work with editing pictures, mostly for my own purposes, and i have my own ways of working through a stack of files. . . . every time she asks me a question, i'm aware of about 4 to 8 ways of answering it. it depends on your preference, or how you want to use them later, or. . . .
but she's not sure of how they will be used. . . and having no prior experiece with computers, she has no preferences. so i try to come at it form her perspective. something easy where she can see large pictures. . . . and in a graceful manner- clicking through files is unappealing to her. so, she now glances at slideshows in iphoto. . .
i could go into minute details of how the concept of opening windows and programs, as well as the simple manipulation of a mouse is beyond her comprehension.. . . but there is too much.
anyway, since we are short on time, i figure she'll pick up this stuff suzuki method. i've made small instructions windows that detail how to perform certain functions. and last night i backed up everything she has so far. . . so i think she'll make deletions and such from here on. i'm still really nervous that she'll try to open and use photoshop. it's so easy to get lost, and lose a lot of time there.
however, after several hours this week, i still see why she drives other people nuts, but she's been nothing but sweet to me. aside from the fact that she thinks i'm an absolute genius on the computer- totally not true, we've had some interesting chats. for a woman that seems all worldy and an intellectual superior, after swearing in front of me several times (both in english and in french) -usually when she double clicks incorrectly. . . she then checked to see if i was a born again christian or something, afraid that maybe her language would bother me. i assured her that it didn't. then, after sharing some brie, she complained about how gassy she was feeling. she excused herself for a cigarette and when she returned said she was glad to have passed gas while out there since it had been so loud.
i have to say, this isn't a side of her i expected to become aquainted with. honestly, i am enjoying it. i know she is good friends with our general director, so she sometimes chats about him. . and it's just interesting to hear about people from this entirely different perspective. and i'm getting to see all these pictures from productions that i haven't seen before. . . and to hear her talk about them from an artistic eye is educational to me. i only wish she had a little more practical knowledge in working computers, since it would make it slightly less frustrationg.
other than that, it's beena fairly normal week.
so the production director came up to me earlier in the week and asked, 'erika, you run on a mac don't you?'
me, hesitantly. . . 'yeah'
PD-'i'm going to borrow you for a little while.'
so we walked down to the ranch where the admisistrative offices are, and he explained the deal. there's this woman, -i guess she's a deisgn consultant or something- and she's been put in charge of collecting pictures for the 50th anniversary book for the santa fe opera. she recently bought a top model powerbook and is having some trouble.
immediately i think i'm in over my head, she's probably deep, deep in photoshop, and i won't really be able to help her. when i meet her, i remember her a little from last year. while were were emptying the crosby house (the founder of the opera who had died) she was taking pictures and measuring pieces of furniture to be used in the ny office. i wasn't very fond of her. she came off as rather snooty, and well, when we had to make a special trip back to the opera building in order to furnish her coke with ice. . . that clinched it for me. so, i didn't like her, but i didn't have to deal with her much.
i sat down with her for a little while to see if i can figure out the problems she is having with her mac, thinking for sure that i would shortly be on the phone with my friends who know much more then me, and who i call when i have questions about my own machine. in front of her at her desk was a 17" brand new powerbook. . . excuse my while i grab a bowl to catch my drool. . . and the problem she was having? she had never used a computer before. . . . never. . . . . and i mean. . . . NEVER! i think she's probably in her early sixties. . . but i'm really bad at guessing age.
her partner apparently does all the computer work for whatever firm she works for. . or owns. . . or whatever, i'm not sure. and she's never picked one up. so, she's using photoshop to look at pictures on discs to see if she wants any of them. now, photoshop, a really great mac. . . these would be great tools in the hands of a designer who knew what they were doing, . . . this was not that designer. after a couple of hours, i realized that although preview is the easiest, maybe fastest way to look through pictures. . . this woman really just wants large pictures to scroll past her view, then she wants to be able to save or delete them. . or consider having them touched up.
i do quite a bit of work with editing pictures, mostly for my own purposes, and i have my own ways of working through a stack of files. . . . every time she asks me a question, i'm aware of about 4 to 8 ways of answering it. it depends on your preference, or how you want to use them later, or. . . .
but she's not sure of how they will be used. . . and having no prior experiece with computers, she has no preferences. so i try to come at it form her perspective. something easy where she can see large pictures. . . . and in a graceful manner- clicking through files is unappealing to her. so, she now glances at slideshows in iphoto. . .
i could go into minute details of how the concept of opening windows and programs, as well as the simple manipulation of a mouse is beyond her comprehension.. . . but there is too much.
anyway, since we are short on time, i figure she'll pick up this stuff suzuki method. i've made small instructions windows that detail how to perform certain functions. and last night i backed up everything she has so far. . . so i think she'll make deletions and such from here on. i'm still really nervous that she'll try to open and use photoshop. it's so easy to get lost, and lose a lot of time there.
however, after several hours this week, i still see why she drives other people nuts, but she's been nothing but sweet to me. aside from the fact that she thinks i'm an absolute genius on the computer- totally not true, we've had some interesting chats. for a woman that seems all worldy and an intellectual superior, after swearing in front of me several times (both in english and in french) -usually when she double clicks incorrectly. . . she then checked to see if i was a born again christian or something, afraid that maybe her language would bother me. i assured her that it didn't. then, after sharing some brie, she complained about how gassy she was feeling. she excused herself for a cigarette and when she returned said she was glad to have passed gas while out there since it had been so loud.
i have to say, this isn't a side of her i expected to become aquainted with. honestly, i am enjoying it. i know she is good friends with our general director, so she sometimes chats about him. . and it's just interesting to hear about people from this entirely different perspective. and i'm getting to see all these pictures from productions that i haven't seen before. . . and to hear her talk about them from an artistic eye is educational to me. i only wish she had a little more practical knowledge in working computers, since it would make it slightly less frustrationg.
other than that, it's beena fairly normal week.
1.28.2005
1.20.2005
1.13.2005
pretty damn funny. . . .
i received this onslaught of emails from people i went to kent with. . . it all started with matt. . . . who had good intentions. . .
matt. . .
25 signs that you've all grown up
1. Your houseplants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them.
2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question.
3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
4. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed.
5. You hear your favorite song on an elevator.
6. You watch the Weather Channel.
7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of hook up and break up.
8. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.
9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as "dressed up."
10. You're the one calling the police because those %&@# kids next door won't turn down the stereo.
11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.
12. You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.
13. Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.
14. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonald's leftovers.
15. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.
16. You take naps from noon to 6 PM!
17. Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one.
18. Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 AM would severely upset, rather than settle your stomach.
19. If you're a gal, you go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacid, not condoms and pregnancy tests.
20. A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer "pretty good stuff."
21. You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.
22. "I just can't drink the way I used to," replaces, "I'm never going to drink that much again."
23. 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.
24. You drink at home to save money before going to a bar.
25. You read this entire list looking desperately for one sign that doesn't apply to you and can't find one to save your sorry old butt.
reply #1, from kyle. . .
Gorris, what is wrong with you? That's the most depressing thing I'vereceived all day. And I'm not even as old as you - so you must feelREALLY ancient. ;)
reply #2 from ?. . .
And besides, you still get the 130 days vacation... ---matt teaches at a college----
reply #3 from jason. . .
Yeah Gorris, you're probably used to it by now.
What is that.... Like 14 yrs. Gorris..... Ohh wait....Thats just counting college
reply #4 from leba (who recently had her first child). . .
POOR MATT!Everyone needs to leave Gorris alone. He was just trying to brighten your day with a funny email, and this is the thanks he gets!!!!You all need to learn to RESPECT YOUR ELDERS.
reply #5 from kyle. . .
Sorry Mom.
reply #6 from leba. . .
you could give him a heart attack
i received this onslaught of emails from people i went to kent with. . . it all started with matt. . . . who had good intentions. . .
matt. . .
25 signs that you've all grown up
1. Your houseplants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them.
2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question.
3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
4. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed.
5. You hear your favorite song on an elevator.
6. You watch the Weather Channel.
7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of hook up and break up.
8. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.
9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as "dressed up."
10. You're the one calling the police because those %&@# kids next door won't turn down the stereo.
11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.
12. You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.
13. Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.
14. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonald's leftovers.
15. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.
16. You take naps from noon to 6 PM!
17. Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one.
18. Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 AM would severely upset, rather than settle your stomach.
19. If you're a gal, you go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacid, not condoms and pregnancy tests.
20. A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer "pretty good stuff."
21. You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.
22. "I just can't drink the way I used to," replaces, "I'm never going to drink that much again."
23. 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.
24. You drink at home to save money before going to a bar.
25. You read this entire list looking desperately for one sign that doesn't apply to you and can't find one to save your sorry old butt.
reply #1, from kyle. . .
Gorris, what is wrong with you? That's the most depressing thing I'vereceived all day. And I'm not even as old as you - so you must feelREALLY ancient. ;)
reply #2 from ?. . .
And besides, you still get the 130 days vacation... ---matt teaches at a college----
reply #3 from jason. . .
Yeah Gorris, you're probably used to it by now.
What is that.... Like 14 yrs. Gorris..... Ohh wait....Thats just counting college
reply #4 from leba (who recently had her first child). . .
POOR MATT!Everyone needs to leave Gorris alone. He was just trying to brighten your day with a funny email, and this is the thanks he gets!!!!You all need to learn to RESPECT YOUR ELDERS.
reply #5 from kyle. . .
Sorry Mom.
reply #6 from leba. . .
you could give him a heart attack
1.04.2005
ok. . . so if you aren't aware of any of this. . . you MUST check out parkour, or free running. athleticism, grace, obstacles, inventive moves. . . it doesn't get much hotter than this in my book.
there's a program on tv, on the learning channel called jump london. . . . if not, check out,
parkour
urban free flow
sorry. . . now i gotta get back to drumline. . . then i gotta SLEEP!
there's a program on tv, on the learning channel called jump london. . . . if not, check out,
sorry. . . now i gotta get back to drumline. . . then i gotta SLEEP!
well, it's a new year. time to turn over a new leaf and be reborn, or at least, time to return to santa fe and give up my status as a sloth. though i've enjoyed it tremendously. i suppose the indentation in my parents' couch, which just happens to mirror the silohuette of my ass. . . will fade, slowly. but it's time to get back to life i suppose.
you know, sometimes i think this blogging thing would be much more entertaining if you could see the passage of time between some of my writing. . . . especially now that i'm trying to catch drumline. . . while writing this. i should also be doing some laundry. but not just yet. . . we're getting into a tense moment. two of my cousins are really into this cause they are part of a huge school band that does competitions similar to this. though i was technically part of a drumline in highschool. . . in a band of 50, i don't think it quite compares. i played the bells for marching band, and was privileged enough to march with the percussion. the perks included getting to wear shorts while everyone else had to wear nasty white hot pants. oh and we also got to wear sunglasses as a group. on the downside, our instruments were heavy and the harnesses used to carry the instruments were rather uncomfortable. i do have a vivid memory of one of our drummers, eric. . . his harness was set in such a way that every once in a while, he'd rub up agains the steel and slice his finger. by the end of any parade, his drumset and white shorts both had an even fine spray of blood across them. he never did anything to adjust it so it wouldn't happen, , , i guess i admired him for taking the pain of it. . . like taking one for the team.
ok, so wear was i going before i got on that tangent? right. .. laundry is on. . . and we've now learned that our young hero can't read music. .. . too bad. . . so sad.
so yeah. . . back to santa fe tomorrow. . back to work. . . and hopefully. .. ooh. . . wait. . . . halftime! it's like, you got served. . . only with a plot, and some cool competition, and some honestly crafted dialog.
right. .. so back to it. whatever it is. . . .
you know, sometimes i think this blogging thing would be much more entertaining if you could see the passage of time between some of my writing. . . . especially now that i'm trying to catch drumline. . . while writing this. i should also be doing some laundry. but not just yet. . . we're getting into a tense moment. two of my cousins are really into this cause they are part of a huge school band that does competitions similar to this. though i was technically part of a drumline in highschool. . . in a band of 50, i don't think it quite compares. i played the bells for marching band, and was privileged enough to march with the percussion. the perks included getting to wear shorts while everyone else had to wear nasty white hot pants. oh and we also got to wear sunglasses as a group. on the downside, our instruments were heavy and the harnesses used to carry the instruments were rather uncomfortable. i do have a vivid memory of one of our drummers, eric. . . his harness was set in such a way that every once in a while, he'd rub up agains the steel and slice his finger. by the end of any parade, his drumset and white shorts both had an even fine spray of blood across them. he never did anything to adjust it so it wouldn't happen, , , i guess i admired him for taking the pain of it. . . like taking one for the team.
ok, so wear was i going before i got on that tangent? right. .. laundry is on. . . and we've now learned that our young hero can't read music. .. . too bad. . . so sad.
so yeah. . . back to santa fe tomorrow. . back to work. . . and hopefully. .. ooh. . . wait. . . . halftime! it's like, you got served. . . only with a plot, and some cool competition, and some honestly crafted dialog.
right. .. so back to it. whatever it is. . . .
well, i've taken to reading margret cho's blog from time to time. i've missed it for awhile, but logged back on just in time for her speaking about her period. . .
cho blog
hmmmm. . . i have something brewing in the back of my head. . . maybe there needs to be a blog with stories of our first period. since it's usually something that is only shared among close friends and family. don't hold your breath. . . but if you are female and if i have your email, you may hear from me. . . muhahahahaha
hmmmm. . . i have something brewing in the back of my head. . . maybe there needs to be a blog with stories of our first period. since it's usually something that is only shared among close friends and family. don't hold your breath. . . but if you are female and if i have your email, you may hear from me. . . muhahahahaha
12.30.2004
being at home for the past few days has afforded me the ability to sleep in. . . . till 11 or so almost every day. one thing that i've really noticed about sleeping in is that my dreams get more and more quirky the more i sleep in. if you take to believing that sleep involves some sort of recouperative brain actions. . . like the sorting of memories from short to longterm memory storage and such. . . then perhaps, after doing all the normal daily duties, my synapses hold a short meeting and decide, 'hey, it's time for some fun. . . exactly how bizzare can we make these dreams for her?'. . .
this morning's dream took place in a target store after hours. kate baker had decided ther were a few things she wanted to shoplift, and i was gonna help her. however, there were a lot of employees working after hours, restocking and cleaning and such. . . .and for some reason a lot fo the employees were small children. so whenever i tried to duck and hide, it was always in their view. . . i was scared that they would give away my hiding place, but for some reason they couldn't speak an understandable english, and all the older employees paid them little attention. one child employee did manage to take away the one bad of bits that i had grabbed, which included a shirt kate wanted for her sister. it had some brand across the chest, which would disappear and reveal the word 'BREASTS' in huge letters when warmed, like hyper color. anyway, after hiding for a while, kate found me, and we managed to run around and grab the rest of what she was looking for, and took off through and unguarded passageway. outside, it was daylight, and there were tons of people around. honestly, most of them looked like they were from the movie Grease. . . . and they gave us a knowing look after seeing our bags.
but. . . i think two mornings ago was even more bizarre. i guess i was getting dressed or something. i looked down and noticed that my left boob had moved significatly toward the center of my chest, and my right boob had started to move slightly closer to my right side. and to my pure disgust, there was a small boob forming symmetrically to my right one. oh and a huge puss nodule near my left shoulder, which of course i popped and let ooze for a good half hour. immediately i wondered how a plastic surgeon would be able to handle replacing my boobs. . . ( not at all considering how having three boobs could make me really popular on the freak circuit. . . or 'girls gone wild'. . . . .HA) sometime after all that i went to work and had to do a shopping run. the home depot and office depot had merged, and they were one big store. there was two girls who worked there. they had started dating one another a while ago, and i'd gotten really used to seeing them and hearing about the latest bit of their relationship. . . (run like a mom and pop store in a way. . . or should i say, a mom and mom store) anyway, they let me know that they were doing to their perspective homes for holiday, but then they were going to move away together. i wished them luck, and realized it would suck to have to get used to new people owning that store.
and there you have it. exactly what portion of my brain was in charge of conjuring up any of those ideas and images? maybe i shouldn't sleep in so late. . .
this morning's dream took place in a target store after hours. kate baker had decided ther were a few things she wanted to shoplift, and i was gonna help her. however, there were a lot of employees working after hours, restocking and cleaning and such. . . .and for some reason a lot fo the employees were small children. so whenever i tried to duck and hide, it was always in their view. . . i was scared that they would give away my hiding place, but for some reason they couldn't speak an understandable english, and all the older employees paid them little attention. one child employee did manage to take away the one bad of bits that i had grabbed, which included a shirt kate wanted for her sister. it had some brand across the chest, which would disappear and reveal the word 'BREASTS' in huge letters when warmed, like hyper color. anyway, after hiding for a while, kate found me, and we managed to run around and grab the rest of what she was looking for, and took off through and unguarded passageway. outside, it was daylight, and there were tons of people around. honestly, most of them looked like they were from the movie Grease. . . . and they gave us a knowing look after seeing our bags.
but. . . i think two mornings ago was even more bizarre. i guess i was getting dressed or something. i looked down and noticed that my left boob had moved significatly toward the center of my chest, and my right boob had started to move slightly closer to my right side. and to my pure disgust, there was a small boob forming symmetrically to my right one. oh and a huge puss nodule near my left shoulder, which of course i popped and let ooze for a good half hour. immediately i wondered how a plastic surgeon would be able to handle replacing my boobs. . . ( not at all considering how having three boobs could make me really popular on the freak circuit. . . or 'girls gone wild'. . . . .HA) sometime after all that i went to work and had to do a shopping run. the home depot and office depot had merged, and they were one big store. there was two girls who worked there. they had started dating one another a while ago, and i'd gotten really used to seeing them and hearing about the latest bit of their relationship. . . (run like a mom and pop store in a way. . . or should i say, a mom and mom store) anyway, they let me know that they were doing to their perspective homes for holiday, but then they were going to move away together. i wished them luck, and realized it would suck to have to get used to new people owning that store.
and there you have it. exactly what portion of my brain was in charge of conjuring up any of those ideas and images? maybe i shouldn't sleep in so late. . .
12.24.2004
it's christmas eve. . . though it feel little like it. i'm nearly finished cleaning my room. i think i started about a month ago. all i ahve left to do is some laundry and packing. i'll leave for home tomorrow around noon. i think my room will be in pretty good order by then. the floor is so mess free i'll be able to run a vacuum recklessly around without losing small treasures. i have some music stuff to do. . . to prepare my ipod for travel. i have a 4 hour layover in chicago. . . maybe i'll bring a dvd as well!
i've been thinking about how amazing my immune system is. . . like maybe all the vitamins i take are really working, or the acupuncture is (though i haven't been for a treatment in 3 weeks). . . jared has been sick for a week, and i've been in wonder that i haven't caught it yet. . . but oh the hubris. after working extra long hours in a very cold theatre basement. . . and just in time for me to take some time off. . . i've come down with a killer head cold. so not only will i be flying sick, but i'll get to battle both it and cat allergies at home- mom and dad. . . hope you've stocked up well on soft kleenex! apparently if i constantly blow my nose. . . my eyes don't water. yipee
jared's working at borders, i've been cleaning. . . and i did shop a little. but i'd hoped that if i mostly rested today, that this bug would move out of me. i don't wanna be sick when there's important work to do. . . which has been quite often lately. but there was plenty of time about a month ago for me to take a sick day and what not! but nooooooooo. . . it's gotta come on when i finally get to have some 'me' time. . . .dammit!
anyway. . . till later, probably while i'm in sub zero temperatures in northern ny. . . .happy holidays!
i've been thinking about how amazing my immune system is. . . like maybe all the vitamins i take are really working, or the acupuncture is (though i haven't been for a treatment in 3 weeks). . . jared has been sick for a week, and i've been in wonder that i haven't caught it yet. . . but oh the hubris. after working extra long hours in a very cold theatre basement. . . and just in time for me to take some time off. . . i've come down with a killer head cold. so not only will i be flying sick, but i'll get to battle both it and cat allergies at home- mom and dad. . . hope you've stocked up well on soft kleenex! apparently if i constantly blow my nose. . . my eyes don't water. yipee
jared's working at borders, i've been cleaning. . . and i did shop a little. but i'd hoped that if i mostly rested today, that this bug would move out of me. i don't wanna be sick when there's important work to do. . . which has been quite often lately. but there was plenty of time about a month ago for me to take a sick day and what not! but nooooooooo. . . it's gotta come on when i finally get to have some 'me' time. . . .dammit!
anyway. . . till later, probably while i'm in sub zero temperatures in northern ny. . . .happy holidays!
12.18.2004
well. . . i've hit an all new low. before last night i had made peace with the fact that i've fallen asleep while watching south park, and while watching my much beloved daily show with jon stewart. however last night was rather unforgivable, i fell asleep while watching a new eddie izzard video. what has BECOME OF ME?!
12.13.2004
what i want to do. . .
i want to. . .
work out, eat, sleep, write, call, talk, play, sleep, read, watch lots of tv, cook, sleep, add pictures to this blog, finish christmas crap, relax, clean, sleep. . . . but i can't seem to get off my ass at the moment. i'm kind of impressed that i'm able to write almost coherent sentences at all. . . .
i want to call in sick. . but i know i won't. . . too many things to do to get ready for next week. maybe, i will take a day if i feel like i'm ready for the upcoming meeting. . . . i need a day of nothing. . . and there aren't any openings coming up. arg.hmm. . . maybe wednesday.
******************************************************************************
what i did. . . .
thursday. . . cleaned out scene shop with the carpenters so we can start decorating for the christmas party. passed around amny a favored rum ball. attended the annual staff christmas dinner. good food, and a really good midori sour.
friday. . . went into work (kinda headachy- from one cocktail?!) for longer than a full day to help set up the donor christmas party. . . (we usually don't work fridays because we work 10 hour days monday thru thursday) and i honestly can't remember if i did anything interesting that evening. . . i think i was too tired.
saturday. . . went into work for a couple of hours to make sure the party was really set to go. went home, showered, made homemade egg nog- with pumpkin flavoring and lots of rum. called a friend to see if she wanted to go to the espanola light parade with me. . . she was too tired. i stopped by another friend's place to stop off some books, a video game, and egg nog- she's recently out of the hospital and kinda bed ridden. drove to espanola for the light parade. . lots of fun. . . . but not as much fun as with a couple other people. came home and fell asleep watching south park. . . . disgusting. . . . 12:30 am. . . unbelievable.
sunday. . . slept in till 12:15 pm. . . . again, disgusting. . . but damn i was tired. cleaned kitchen a little, went to breakfast (at 2pm) with jared, ran into cassie, planned evening at plaza. did some christmas shopping, searched for perfect small desk to help organize my newly cleaned room, but was sadly disappointed by my choices, which means there will be a large clump of stuff waiting for a desk for a little while longer. . cluttering my otherwise clean room. stopped home for an hour, then off to the plaza for some holiday festivities. . . had late dinner at oasis, and home too late to do laundry (which is drying as i write) barely made it into the shower. . . just too lethargic.
monday. . . take down all holiday crap in the shop and restore all tools so we can continue to work on scenery for this upcoming season. sat on ass most of the evening. . . not even watching tv, doing laundry, and writing very uninspiredly.
i want to. . .
work out, eat, sleep, write, call, talk, play, sleep, read, watch lots of tv, cook, sleep, add pictures to this blog, finish christmas crap, relax, clean, sleep. . . . but i can't seem to get off my ass at the moment. i'm kind of impressed that i'm able to write almost coherent sentences at all. . . .
i want to call in sick. . but i know i won't. . . too many things to do to get ready for next week. maybe, i will take a day if i feel like i'm ready for the upcoming meeting. . . . i need a day of nothing. . . and there aren't any openings coming up. arg.hmm. . . maybe wednesday.
******************************************************************************
what i did. . . .
thursday. . . cleaned out scene shop with the carpenters so we can start decorating for the christmas party. passed around amny a favored rum ball. attended the annual staff christmas dinner. good food, and a really good midori sour.
friday. . . went into work (kinda headachy- from one cocktail?!) for longer than a full day to help set up the donor christmas party. . . (we usually don't work fridays because we work 10 hour days monday thru thursday) and i honestly can't remember if i did anything interesting that evening. . . i think i was too tired.
saturday. . . went into work for a couple of hours to make sure the party was really set to go. went home, showered, made homemade egg nog- with pumpkin flavoring and lots of rum. called a friend to see if she wanted to go to the espanola light parade with me. . . she was too tired. i stopped by another friend's place to stop off some books, a video game, and egg nog- she's recently out of the hospital and kinda bed ridden. drove to espanola for the light parade. . lots of fun. . . . but not as much fun as with a couple other people. came home and fell asleep watching south park. . . . disgusting. . . . 12:30 am. . . unbelievable.
sunday. . . slept in till 12:15 pm. . . . again, disgusting. . . but damn i was tired. cleaned kitchen a little, went to breakfast (at 2pm) with jared, ran into cassie, planned evening at plaza. did some christmas shopping, searched for perfect small desk to help organize my newly cleaned room, but was sadly disappointed by my choices, which means there will be a large clump of stuff waiting for a desk for a little while longer. . cluttering my otherwise clean room. stopped home for an hour, then off to the plaza for some holiday festivities. . . had late dinner at oasis, and home too late to do laundry (which is drying as i write) barely made it into the shower. . . just too lethargic.
monday. . . take down all holiday crap in the shop and restore all tools so we can continue to work on scenery for this upcoming season. sat on ass most of the evening. . . not even watching tv, doing laundry, and writing very uninspiredly.
12.12.2004
12.05.2004
ok. . . so i have 'what not to wear' on in the background. they just gave this woman a $50 grand shopping spree in paris. kind of amazing. . . . and the show is kinda fun to watch. . . but i'm thinking. . . $50 grand. . . paris. me, with that money and plane ticket. . . i could set up a nice little apartment and live fairly richly for a year. . . possibly longer. and this woman will spend it. . . on clothes, in less than 3 days time. sadly incredible. . . . incredibly sad?
12.03.2004
hallmark needs to expand. . . . .
i went into a hallmark yesterday afternoon. . . i usually like the card selection in target, but i thought hallmark would have something nice and i didn't plan to trek all the way to target out here. the hallmark was kinda small, and had a high worker to low customer ratio. the 'get well' area was the farthest from the door. . . so it took me a small bit to actually find it. and by the time i started looking through it, i was already offered help from two different people.
there were the religious cards, and the sappy inspirational cards, i was just looking for a well wishes and slightly funny/ get well and cute type thing. . . i was sadly disappointed. and twice more, i was offered help. . . i graciously declined, but what i really wanted to say was, 'why yes, could you point me out a proper card for a co-worker/friend having a partial hysterectomy, another coworker/friend having surgery to remove a cyst from her ovary, and a third card for my aunt who recently decided to split from my uncle?'
there was a serious operation card or two. . . but they were a little too sappy. so, in the end i chose two slightly cute and cheesy 'get well' cards, and a 'happy new home' card (trying to find the positive in a separation.) where are the sweet funny distraction cards with half naked men, promises of many alcoholic libations, and silly girls' nights out. these people are dealing with serious issues. . . do we have to stroke the pain, fear, and depression? it doesn't have to be a, 'congratulations on losing 'x' amount of pounds! who knew that a uterus/ cyst/ spouse weighed so much?!' kinda card. . . just something to slightly distact and amuse. . . oh well. . . .
i went into a hallmark yesterday afternoon. . . i usually like the card selection in target, but i thought hallmark would have something nice and i didn't plan to trek all the way to target out here. the hallmark was kinda small, and had a high worker to low customer ratio. the 'get well' area was the farthest from the door. . . so it took me a small bit to actually find it. and by the time i started looking through it, i was already offered help from two different people.
there were the religious cards, and the sappy inspirational cards, i was just looking for a well wishes and slightly funny/ get well and cute type thing. . . i was sadly disappointed. and twice more, i was offered help. . . i graciously declined, but what i really wanted to say was, 'why yes, could you point me out a proper card for a co-worker/friend having a partial hysterectomy, another coworker/friend having surgery to remove a cyst from her ovary, and a third card for my aunt who recently decided to split from my uncle?'
there was a serious operation card or two. . . but they were a little too sappy. so, in the end i chose two slightly cute and cheesy 'get well' cards, and a 'happy new home' card (trying to find the positive in a separation.) where are the sweet funny distraction cards with half naked men, promises of many alcoholic libations, and silly girls' nights out. these people are dealing with serious issues. . . do we have to stroke the pain, fear, and depression? it doesn't have to be a, 'congratulations on losing 'x' amount of pounds! who knew that a uterus/ cyst/ spouse weighed so much?!' kinda card. . . just something to slightly distact and amuse. . . oh well. . . .
11.30.2004
just recently found this again and thought i'd share. . . it's just so damn funny!
Notes From An Inexperienced Chili Taster Named FRANK, who was visiting Texas from the East Coast:
"Recently I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment, and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking directions to the beer wagon when the call came. I was assured by the other two judges (Native Texans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy, and besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted. Here are the scorecards from the event:
*** Chili # 1: Mike's Maniac Mobster Monster Chili
JUDGE ONE: A little too heavy on tomato. Amusing kick.
JUDGE TWO: Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.
FRANK: Holy shit, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that's the worst one. These Texans are crazy.
*** Chili # 2: Arthur's Afterburner Chili
JUDGE ONE: Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight Jalapeno tang.
JUDGE TWO: Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously.
FRANK: Keep this out of reach of children! I'm not sure what I am supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face.
*** Chili # 3: Fred's Famous Burn Down the Barn Chili
JUDGE ONE: Excellent firehouse chili! Great kick. Needs more beans.
JUDGE TWO: A beanless chili, a bit salty, good use of red peppers.
FRANK: Call the EPA, I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now, get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back; now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting shit-faced from all the beer.
*** Chili # 4: Bubba's Black Magic
JUDGE ONE: Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.
JUDGE TWO: Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a chili.
FRANK: I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it, is it possible to burn-out taste buds? Sally,the bar maid, was standing behind me with fresh refills; that 300 lb. bitch is starting to look HOT, just like this nuclear-waste I'm eating. Is chili an aphrodisiac?
*** Chili # 5: Linda's Legal Lip Remover
JUDGE ONE: Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive.
JUDGE TWO: Chili using shredded beef; could use more tomato. Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.
FRANK: My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from a pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my lips off? It really pisses me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. Screw those rednecks!
*** Chili # 6: Vera's Very Vegetarian Variety
JUDGE ONE: Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spice and peppers.
JUDGE TWO: The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic. Superb.
FRANK: My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulfuric flames. I shit myself when I farted and I'm worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that slut Sally, she must be kinkier than I thought. Can't feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my ass with a snow cone!
*** Chili # 7: Susan's Screaming Sensation Chili
JUDGE ONE: A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.
JUDGE TWO: Ho Hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment. I should note that I am worried about Judge Number 3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably.
FRANK: You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn't feel a damn thing. I've lost the sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava-like shit to match my damn shirt. At least during the autopsy they'll know what killed me. I've decided to stop breathing, it's too painful. Screw it, I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the 4 inch hole in my stomach.
*** Chili # 8: Helen's Mount Saint Chili
JUDGE ONE: A perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili, safe for all, not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.
JUDGE TWO: This final entry is a good, balanced chili, neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge Number 3 passed out, fell over and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself. Not sure if he's going to make it. Poor Yank, wonder how he'd have reacted to a really hot chili?
FRANK: -------------- (editor's note: Judge #3 was unable to report)
Notes From An Inexperienced Chili Taster Named FRANK, who was visiting Texas from the East Coast:
"Recently I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment, and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking directions to the beer wagon when the call came. I was assured by the other two judges (Native Texans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy, and besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted. Here are the scorecards from the event:
*** Chili # 1: Mike's Maniac Mobster Monster Chili
JUDGE ONE: A little too heavy on tomato. Amusing kick.
JUDGE TWO: Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.
FRANK: Holy shit, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that's the worst one. These Texans are crazy.
*** Chili # 2: Arthur's Afterburner Chili
JUDGE ONE: Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight Jalapeno tang.
JUDGE TWO: Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously.
FRANK: Keep this out of reach of children! I'm not sure what I am supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face.
*** Chili # 3: Fred's Famous Burn Down the Barn Chili
JUDGE ONE: Excellent firehouse chili! Great kick. Needs more beans.
JUDGE TWO: A beanless chili, a bit salty, good use of red peppers.
FRANK: Call the EPA, I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now, get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back; now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting shit-faced from all the beer.
*** Chili # 4: Bubba's Black Magic
JUDGE ONE: Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.
JUDGE TWO: Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a chili.
FRANK: I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it, is it possible to burn-out taste buds? Sally,the bar maid, was standing behind me with fresh refills; that 300 lb. bitch is starting to look HOT, just like this nuclear-waste I'm eating. Is chili an aphrodisiac?
*** Chili # 5: Linda's Legal Lip Remover
JUDGE ONE: Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive.
JUDGE TWO: Chili using shredded beef; could use more tomato. Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.
FRANK: My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from a pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my lips off? It really pisses me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. Screw those rednecks!
*** Chili # 6: Vera's Very Vegetarian Variety
JUDGE ONE: Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spice and peppers.
JUDGE TWO: The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic. Superb.
FRANK: My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulfuric flames. I shit myself when I farted and I'm worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that slut Sally, she must be kinkier than I thought. Can't feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my ass with a snow cone!
*** Chili # 7: Susan's Screaming Sensation Chili
JUDGE ONE: A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.
JUDGE TWO: Ho Hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment. I should note that I am worried about Judge Number 3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably.
FRANK: You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn't feel a damn thing. I've lost the sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava-like shit to match my damn shirt. At least during the autopsy they'll know what killed me. I've decided to stop breathing, it's too painful. Screw it, I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the 4 inch hole in my stomach.
*** Chili # 8: Helen's Mount Saint Chili
JUDGE ONE: A perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili, safe for all, not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.
JUDGE TWO: This final entry is a good, balanced chili, neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge Number 3 passed out, fell over and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself. Not sure if he's going to make it. Poor Yank, wonder how he'd have reacted to a really hot chili?
FRANK: -------------- (editor's note: Judge #3 was unable to report)
11.29.2004
This is a true story about a recent wedding that took place at Clemson University. It was in the local newspaper and even Jay Leno mentioned it.
It was a huge wedding with about 300 guests. After the wedding at the reception, the groom got up on stage with a microphone to talk to the crowd. He said he wanted to thank everyone for coming, many from long distances, to support them at their wedding. He especially wanted to thank the bride's and his family and to thank his new father-in-law for providing such a lavish reception.
As a token of his deep appreciation he said he wanted to give everyone a special gift just from him. So taped to the bottom of everyone's chair, including the wedding party, was a manila envelope.
He said this was his gift to everyone, and asked them to open their envelope. Inside each manila envelope was an 8x10 glossy of his bride having sex with the best man.
The groom had gotten suspicious of them weeks earlier and had hired a private detective to tail them.
After just standing there, just watching the guests' reactions for a couple of minutes, he turned to the best man and said, "F--- you!".
Then he turned to his bride and said, "F--- you!".
Then he turned to the dumbfounded crowd and said, "I'm outta here."
He had the marriage annulled first thing in the morning. While most people would have canceled the wedding immediately after finding out about the affair, this guy goes through with the charade, as if nothing were wrong. His revenge for making the bride's parents pay over $32,000 for a 300 guest wedding and reception, and best of all, trashing the bride's and best man's reputations in front of 300 friends and family members.
This guy has balls the size of church bells.
Do you think we might get a MasterCard "priceless" commercial out of this?
Elegant wedding reception for 300 family members and friends........$32,000
Wedding photographs commemorating the occasion..........................$3,000
Deluxe two week honeymoon accommodations in Maui......................$8,500
The look on everyone's face when they see the 8x10 glossy of the bride humping the best man ..............................................Priceless
There are some things money can't buy, for everything else there's MasterCard
It was a huge wedding with about 300 guests. After the wedding at the reception, the groom got up on stage with a microphone to talk to the crowd. He said he wanted to thank everyone for coming, many from long distances, to support them at their wedding. He especially wanted to thank the bride's and his family and to thank his new father-in-law for providing such a lavish reception.
As a token of his deep appreciation he said he wanted to give everyone a special gift just from him. So taped to the bottom of everyone's chair, including the wedding party, was a manila envelope.
He said this was his gift to everyone, and asked them to open their envelope. Inside each manila envelope was an 8x10 glossy of his bride having sex with the best man.
The groom had gotten suspicious of them weeks earlier and had hired a private detective to tail them.
After just standing there, just watching the guests' reactions for a couple of minutes, he turned to the best man and said, "F--- you!".
Then he turned to his bride and said, "F--- you!".
Then he turned to the dumbfounded crowd and said, "I'm outta here."
He had the marriage annulled first thing in the morning. While most people would have canceled the wedding immediately after finding out about the affair, this guy goes through with the charade, as if nothing were wrong. His revenge for making the bride's parents pay over $32,000 for a 300 guest wedding and reception, and best of all, trashing the bride's and best man's reputations in front of 300 friends and family members.
This guy has balls the size of church bells.
Do you think we might get a MasterCard "priceless" commercial out of this?
Elegant wedding reception for 300 family members and friends........$32,000
Wedding photographs commemorating the occasion..........................$3,000
Deluxe two week honeymoon accommodations in Maui......................$8,500
The look on everyone's face when they see the 8x10 glossy of the bride humping the best man ..............................................Priceless
There are some things money can't buy, for everything else there's MasterCard
How to tell if you live in a red, or blue state.
-from betty bowers
Blue States: Home of good schools
Red States: Homeskooled good
Blue States: Want a big tent for their Party.
Red States: Wears a big tent to her party.
Blue States: Favor electric cars
Red States: Favor electric chairs
Blue States: Concerned about ballooning deficits' effect on capital markets turning gains into thin air
Red States: Concerned about whether it's demons that make balloons float in thin air
Blue States: Dream of making enough money to kite and swim with Czechs in Biarritz
Red States: Dream of kiting enough checks to swim in Schlitz
Blue States: Favor institutionalized health care for the poor
Red States: Favor institutionalizing the poor
Blue States: After the 9/11 attacks, put coffins in the ground
Red States: After the 9/11 attacks, put magnetic flags on the car
Blue States: Forget that God did not give Adam a Steve
Red States: Forget that not only did God give Abraham three wives, He gave Solomon 300 concubines
Blue States: Enormous cities that serve as the engines of human progress
Red States: Enormous Hummers that serve as the engines for Arab oil
Blue States: Provide the "tax" part of "tax and spend"
Red States: Provide the "spend on a new 8-lane highway to link a Wal-Mart to the Olive Garden" part of "tax and spend"
Blue States: Believe we're all brothers and sisters under the skin.
Red States: Don't mind if we're brothers and sisters under the sheets.
Blue States: Fighting to clean up skid row
Red States: Fighting to clean up skid marks
Blue States: 9/11 survivors mourned at night as the television coverage showed those killed
Red States: Mourned television coverage of 9/11 that killed that night's "Survivor" show
Blue States: Concerned about global warming
Red States: Don't like to travel and are too fat to fit in an airline seat anyway, so glad to hear that the tropics are coming to Texas. Yee-haw!
Blue States: Follow Jesus, but doesn't believe in Him
Red States: Believe in Jesus, but doesn't follow Him
Blue States: Want to repeal the Patriot Act
Red States: Want to repeal the Emancipation Proclamation
Blue States: Looking for a method to weaken China every day
Red States: Sold everyday china for a weekend of meth
Blue States: Favor drafting annoying laws on assault rifles
Red States: Assault annoying in-laws with rifles after being drafted
Blue States: Want the right for everyone to worship as they choose
Red States: Want the right to choose everyone's worship
Blue States: Champion women wrestling with the right to choose
Red States: Choose women's wrestling championships
Blue States: Want a rational energy policy
Red States: Want policy of energetic irrationalism
Blue States: Used benefits to assist victims on account of attacks
Red States: Used attacks to benefit Toby Keith's bank account
Blue States: Watched friends in New York die in foxy attacks on America
Red States: Attack New York on Fox for not being friends of America
Blue States: Believe God loves us and gave everyone free will to be different
Red States: Believe God willed us to freely hate everyone different
Blue States: Believe absence makes the heart grow fonder
Red States: Believe abstinence saves the tart from plunder
Blue States: Believe in Mr. Darwin's theory of "Evolution"
Red States: Believe in Mr. Jesus' "Talking Snake" theory
Blue States: Slave to pay inheritance taxes
Red States: Inherited slaves
Blue States: Buy art
Red States: Collect Beanie Babies
-from betty bowers
Blue States: Home of good schools
Red States: Homeskooled good
Blue States: Want a big tent for their Party.
Red States: Wears a big tent to her party.
Blue States: Favor electric cars
Red States: Favor electric chairs
Blue States: Concerned about ballooning deficits' effect on capital markets turning gains into thin air
Red States: Concerned about whether it's demons that make balloons float in thin air
Blue States: Dream of making enough money to kite and swim with Czechs in Biarritz
Red States: Dream of kiting enough checks to swim in Schlitz
Blue States: Favor institutionalized health care for the poor
Red States: Favor institutionalizing the poor
Blue States: After the 9/11 attacks, put coffins in the ground
Red States: After the 9/11 attacks, put magnetic flags on the car
Blue States: Forget that God did not give Adam a Steve
Red States: Forget that not only did God give Abraham three wives, He gave Solomon 300 concubines
Blue States: Enormous cities that serve as the engines of human progress
Red States: Enormous Hummers that serve as the engines for Arab oil
Blue States: Provide the "tax" part of "tax and spend"
Red States: Provide the "spend on a new 8-lane highway to link a Wal-Mart to the Olive Garden" part of "tax and spend"
Blue States: Believe we're all brothers and sisters under the skin.
Red States: Don't mind if we're brothers and sisters under the sheets.
Blue States: Fighting to clean up skid row
Red States: Fighting to clean up skid marks
Blue States: 9/11 survivors mourned at night as the television coverage showed those killed
Red States: Mourned television coverage of 9/11 that killed that night's "Survivor" show
Blue States: Concerned about global warming
Red States: Don't like to travel and are too fat to fit in an airline seat anyway, so glad to hear that the tropics are coming to Texas. Yee-haw!
Blue States: Follow Jesus, but doesn't believe in Him
Red States: Believe in Jesus, but doesn't follow Him
Blue States: Want to repeal the Patriot Act
Red States: Want to repeal the Emancipation Proclamation
Blue States: Looking for a method to weaken China every day
Red States: Sold everyday china for a weekend of meth
Blue States: Favor drafting annoying laws on assault rifles
Red States: Assault annoying in-laws with rifles after being drafted
Blue States: Want the right for everyone to worship as they choose
Red States: Want the right to choose everyone's worship
Blue States: Champion women wrestling with the right to choose
Red States: Choose women's wrestling championships
Blue States: Want a rational energy policy
Red States: Want policy of energetic irrationalism
Blue States: Used benefits to assist victims on account of attacks
Red States: Used attacks to benefit Toby Keith's bank account
Blue States: Watched friends in New York die in foxy attacks on America
Red States: Attack New York on Fox for not being friends of America
Blue States: Believe God loves us and gave everyone free will to be different
Red States: Believe God willed us to freely hate everyone different
Blue States: Believe absence makes the heart grow fonder
Red States: Believe abstinence saves the tart from plunder
Blue States: Believe in Mr. Darwin's theory of "Evolution"
Red States: Believe in Mr. Jesus' "Talking Snake" theory
Blue States: Slave to pay inheritance taxes
Red States: Inherited slaves
Blue States: Buy art
Red States: Collect Beanie Babies
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