Ok. . . . this is just something I decided to have fun with from work. Adrian, one of the carpenters, spent an entire day and a half sending very large planks of wood through our planer. . . . he created a massive amount of woodchips. We stood back and looked at the bags, and some interesting ideas came to our minds. . . for instance. . . .

In my on and off ongoing attempt to color my hair in the likeness of fire. . . I've made a new discovery. Up till now, I've been using very deep reds. On a whim I picked up an auburn kind of color, and came up with some wonderful results. It's not run lola run. . . . or even firey yet. . . . but I believe it's in the right direction. I call it the santa fe sunset. . . .

So, yeah. . . . been a little while. I set up to blog a bit a couple of weeks ago but at the time the internet was down,-imagine. . . I had to just sit and partake of the ambiance and food of the sfbc, which is fine, but not quite as productive or satisfying as an internet link up. and well, the past week has been filled with. . . 'maybe tomorrow, or tomorrow, or tomorrow.' So here we are. . . a week and half later. . . .

Lets see. . . . what did I have to talk about a week and a half to two weeks ago? Oh. . . well jared and I moved to a different apt in the apt complex we've been living in this past year. . . in one weekend we got all our stuff from one place to another, but it took another week to completely clean the old place, what with our schedules and such. There were a few advantages to getting a place not already furnished. . . . for instance, we felt compelled to decorate our bathroom in a very cheery manner. . . . note our happy fish shower curtain.



Now, between the two of us, we have plenty of furnishings for an apartment, all kept safely in storage compartments in ohio, and California. . . .so, we've made due. . . our $50 dollar couch from goodwill. . .

And our coffeetable/faux stone bench from props storage at the opera. . . .

Overall though, not too bad. I even bought a plant which is perched in our diningroom area. . . hopefully it will survive our not so intentional neglect. Good news though is that we get fox much better than ever before, and my phone reception is nearly wonderful. . . . however there is still an interpretive modern pas de deux with the antenna in order to get nbc clearly.

Oh, and just for a little chintzy fun. . . . what apt could be without a neon palm tree?


Our magnet poetry has also made a successful move. . . . this was jared's. . . I suspect a foul pizza order. . .
Here's mine. . . .

well. . . . it ended, around 5 am this morning. i guess i can get on with life now that i completed the harry potter series as it stands. . . . though, i may be part of the rush once the new book is released. i got through about 600 pages of it untill yesterday afternoon. i doubted that i would make it through the rest of it when i started off for bed around 2am. . . . but i was wrong. . . . there was no way i could let go of the story till it finished out.

i sat there, crying over a dead character,(muahahahhahah. . . you'll never it get it outta me!, go read the damn series yourself and experience it as i did!) wondering how harry would cope with the loss. . . . damn fiction characters!

guess i should move on to something else in my book stack. maybe i'll clean my room. .. i've been a little lacking in the cleaning department for about the past 3 weeks. which work according to books 3, 4, and 5.

other than that, nothing else really going on. turned 28, and so one of my coworkers said, i've entered a really good phase of life, i guess women's lives work in 7 year cycles or something. . . and this should be a good cycle? i'll let you know how that goes.

work, gym, rented movies on weekends, some cooking, a new book to be determined, chiropractor appointments, a good discussion with the dude at the movie rental place about expanding my anime experience, and some chocolate cake. . .. yeah. . . not exactly the stuff plays, movies, or book are made of. . . . but, not bad as far as i'm concerned.

maybe i'll be more inspired later. . and return tomorrow. . .. but i hope to be cleaning. . . or reading. . . . or deep into another anime.

i've gone cold turkey. . . not because i tried to necessarily . . . but out of a situation that arose. the heart palpatations have subsided. . . but i'm still listless, and i've found myself going to sleep about an hour earlier than normal without my fix . . . . my fix being harry potter. it started out innocently enough. i borrowed the first two book from my brother over thanksgiving, and returned them to him at christmas. i then took the next two back with me. i was amazed at the size of them. the third is somewhere around 500 pages, the fourth in the 700's. i figured the two would tied me over, no problem. i first read al franken's lies and the lying liars who tell them . . . great book, which reminds me, i'll have to report on it sometime soon. i decided, before getting into culture of fear, or some other more cerebral book that i have, i would reward my 'smart' reading with a fun read of the third harry potter.

it went by so quickly! and i found that although the plot was full and interesting, the actually part about the prisoner (as mentioned in the title) didn't really transpire till that last hundred pages or so. . . which was all about talky exposition. . . while the rest of the book was really packed with action, mystery, out and out fun. . . . but then this slight let down of wordy explaination. it's still a good story though, and i'm now anticipating the movie even more. . . . but i was anticipating the next bit of story a little too much, and instead of waiting to have another 'smart' read and rewarding myself with the fourth harry potter i dived straight into the harry potter.

i should embarrassingly explain my slight (oh who am i kidding) my huge crush on one of the characters in the third book. (there something about wearing underwear with a picture of a cartoon cat with a feather coming out of it's mouth and the caption 'bad kitty' that makes me feel fine about revealing embarrassing details) damn! don't you hate those crushes. . . . damn fiction crushes! there was richard meyhew for a bit, from neverwhere and r2d2 (hey! back off! he's short -an advantage in my case- quiet, and he fixes everything. anytime the rest of the star wars crew is in dire need, r2 whips out some gadget and is able to resolve whatever it is. . . it also makes you think of the other fun gadets he may have in his arsenal. . . . hmmmmm) anyway, the fiction crushes are almost as bad, but not quite as bad as cartoon crushes, of which i know i've had many, but i can only think of vampire hunter d (from the same titled anime) and haku from spirited away and i seem to remember that the beast after turning human in disney's beauty and the beast was a looker. and now i'm wondering if dream from sandman counts as a cartoon, or fiction crush anyway. . . .

yeah, i think professor lupin is hot! i'm hoping that although i don't recognize the actor's name who plays him in the movie. . . that he depicts the right strength and serenity that i expect from that character. we shall see!

moving on. . . . yeah, i dived into book four, and couldn't stop myself. i even started experiencing the media hyped harry potter headaches that kids were getting from trying to read too much too quickly. but it all came to an abrupt halt sunday evening. around midnight. . . . which puts me at 4 days 18 hours and 37 mintues without harry potter. one of my friends here says she has the fifth book, and she'll bring it into work for me. . . . but she's having trouble finding it. so, without potter to read, i've been finding tv very bland. i've spent more time at the gym, and i've gone to bed an hour earlier each night, which has lead to some rather weird dreams.

today being day four, and me having to spend about an hour at the dmv, i broke down and started reading another book from my list. it's ok. my friend promises that i will find it very interesting. . . but i can't help but wonder if my time would be better spent helping my friend clean her apartment so we can uncover the fifth book's hiding place. maybe i'll call her. . . . no. . . no. . . restraint! must. . . . not. . . let. . . potter. . . take . . . . over!

but if you only knew how they left the fourth book. . . i kept thinking to myself, there seems to be a lot of story left, but few pages. . . . will it end abuptly, like the last and tie everythin up with words and a bow? or will this be a cliff hanger? damn them. . . they left it as a cliff hanger, and the heart palpatations began. . .

it does make me wonder. . . the book is about a boy, who finds out he comes from a wizarding family, and he himself is a wizard. could these books be as dangerous as the christian coalition would have you believe? could they be bewitched? why else would i be having so much anxiety over getting the next copy in my hand so i can devour it mentally? ok. . . maybe, it's just a fun story, a new kind of fairytale for a newer generation. . . . with a winning protagonist, and the fact that i can read 700 pages in a couple of days makes me feel smart and accomplished. enough said.

man oh man. . . do i have some catching up to do. . i may have to span this out and come back tomorrow. . .. but last weekend, the baking company was packed, and i was sitting next to a non working outlet. . . so my battery died before i had the chance to do any blogging.


me and santa fe

i've had the rather cheesy feeling of copying a sitcom lately. as i drive back and forth to work, or to a store, or a movie, i have that carrie bradshaw feeling of being in love with a city. (carrie bradshaw being the narrating character on sex in the city, where she goes on 'dates' with the love of her life. . . nyc) it was really finalized for me last weekend. i took my car into a mechanic for a decent check up. after getting it back, the mechanic (a really nice and trustworthy- or so i feel- gentleman) talked me into bringing my car in for oil changes since he doens't trust 'drippy lube' as he calls it. and his prices are no worse. . . so why not. i get to establish my car with someone who can regularly see it and monitor it. so i now have a mechanic. we share jokes about 'drippy lubes.'

the next was my second appointment with my (notice that 'my' again) chiropractor. where i was adjusted again, and made a third appointment. though i'm sure my mom would love to see 'my gynecologist' come next in the grouping. . . sorry, but no. . .

i already have a gym. . . where i get to meet with a trainer a few times as part of my membership.

then there was last sunday. jared and i usually try to hit a movie, and we had planned to, but he got called into work after so many of his coworkers called in sick. so i was left movieless. . . or so i thought. as i ran around doing some sunday type errands i contimplated seeing a movie by myself. i'd never done it before. . . and i certainly didn't want to be a lone movie watcher around a really mainstream movie with a high percentage of dates around me. . . but this was early sunday afternoon. and it was big fish- which i got the impression not many people around me were interested in seeing. so i did it. the 4:10 big fish, at a smaller theatre. it was really promising at first, only about 5 people in the theatre. . . but by the time the movie actually started, it was about 1/3 full. but it was fine. the movie was slightly disappointing. . . i guess a good story, touching, something mom would like. but not quite what i expected from tim burton. i wanted something a little darker, edgier, with surreal production designs. . . like edward scissorhands. . . but it wasn't terrible. and although i enjoyed seeing it alone. . . . i wouldn't make a habit of it. i like the company of people at movies. . . so we can enjoy it, or find it horrid together!

and today marked another important move on my half. . . i got a new mexico drivers liscense. i still have to get my plates switched. . . the dmv has to contact my loan agent to get a copy of the title or something like that. . . then i'll switch my insurance. . . . but i have a new photo id in hand. . . or back pocket. however, while stopping at the bank to have money in hand for the dmv. . . an older woman stopped behind me, got out of her car and came up to my window to ask if i was from portage county ohio. not from. . . . but kent state was there, and so was my life for about three years. she explained that her great-great-grandmother had grown up, married, and moved from there. i've seen plenty of ohio plates here. . . and other portage county ones as well. . . but i figured that it would be too weird to actually know anyone, since my ohio contacts are all kent based. but here was this woman, who wanted to make a connection. is this the universe telling me that i shouldn't bear such a grudge to that sunless state?

anyway. . the dmv here was a bit different. where it was really simple and nearly effortless with no line, and no personality in ohio. i had to show that i had the right paperwork before getting a serving number. i was 145, at window number1, where geraldine helped me. she was wearing a silver dinosaur pin that reminded me of the artwork from danny and the dinosaur and while she worked on my paperwork, another person came behind her station and dropped off some red candy which she seemed thrilled about. and a little later another worker stopped by to show her a small toy they found for her. it was a small shiny lavander alien with a toothy grimace, which supposedly represented her, geraldine, on a bad day. she showed it to me and i was allowed to hold it under the glass. my paperwork went through and she talked about my apartment building and how much my rent was, and how she recommended the place she lived in, but the top floor, where you could suck away at the heat from the tennants below as well as from the sides, and save on your heating bill. but i asked about the heat in the summmer, and she said that her air conditioner fixed that. i don't know where i thought i had heard that air conditioners weren't in wide use in santa fe. . .. but apparently geraldine lived by hers.

my inner east coastness was appalled by the visits she got from other coworkers over toys and candy. . . but my new south westness was wu-wei about it. i got to hear about an interesting apartment prospect (should i need one in the future) and had a nice conversation with the 'lady behind the glass at the dmv.' not something one would get on the east coast. . . or ohio.

i realize that these next few are slightly less revealing then the first two posts of the same nature. . . . but oh well. . . deal!

here is my life through music, part 3, the strength album

32 flavors (ani difranco) now, this may seem like a soft song, maybe too soft sounding to be strong. . . . but that isn't so. if you can listen to her words, they are very strong. it seems to me that for every emotion i have, ani has a way of expressing it perfectly and poetically. "squint your eyes and look closer, i'm not between you and your ambition, i am a poster girl with no poster. i am 32 flavors and then some, i am beyond your peripheral vision, so you might want to turn your head." the musicality of it is soft, and her voice is soft. . . . there doesn't seem to be anger or bitterness there. it seems like more of a self realization. . . that you are worth a lot, and if someone doesn't notice it now, they will later.

don't tell me to stop (madonna) ok, so when i first heard this song, i thought there was something wrong with the radio station. . . or something had happened to their copy. it sounds like it's skipping a little at first, then i realized it was intentional and i thought it was really clever. the sound is actually getting cut short while she's singing about being told to 'stop' i don't have any really revealing story to tell about this one. it's just another strong (and female) but fun sounding song. "don't tell me to stop, tell the rain not to drop tell the wind not to blow, cause you said so."

fly away (lenny kravitz) so, this song got a lot of play in my car before i left virginia. it got a lot of play, really loudly too. "i want to get away, i want to fly away." which is, frankly, how i felt. i knew my time there was done, and although i missed my friends there, and still do, i felt really trapped, like i could barely breathe. i used to drive (fast) wherever i was going simply because it made me feel more like i was getting somewhere. . . and this song was great in the car. it still is. . . . but i don't need to drive fast anymore.

drive (incubus) ok, this song doesn't sound terribly strong either, in fact, i guess it is technically called a ballad. . . and honestly, one of the first times i heard it (while driving in virginia) i cried i thought it was so beautiful. "whatever tomorrow brings i'll be there, with open arms and open eyes" it's a nice image. at first i thought it was a sentiment for someone else mearning no matter what i'll be there for you- but it's not. . . . but don't worry it's just as good. the song is for the self. . . meaning i'll be ready to greet anything that comes tomorrow. and you have to make yourse;f responsible for you own life. "sometimes i feel the fear of uncertaintly stinging near, and i can't help but ask myself how much i let the fear take the wheel and steer. it's driven me before and it seem to have a vague haunting mass appeal, lately i beginning to find that i should be the one behind the wheel. " or don't let your fear of the unknown take control of your life. . . yeah, it's another softly strong song. . . but i think it speaks with a lot of volume.

joyful girl (ani difranco------yes! again!) i've always thought so many of her songs would translate well into modern dance. one of my friends in virginia did one dance piece to one of her more poetic numbers. . . and this song was used for one of the student dance concerts at kent. i think it was 4 or 5 girls in pajamas, and towards the end, they undid their shirts slowly to reveal more sking and their bras underneath----i thought it fit really well. "i wonder if everything i do, i do instead of something i want to do more. . . . and when everything else seems unclear, i guess at least i know, i do it for the joy it brings, cause i'm a joyful girl, cause the world owes me nothing, we owe each other the world, i do it cause it's the least i can do, i do it cause i learned it from you, do it just because i want to." again, it sounds maybe too soft and too sad, but it's another internal realization song. (there seems to be a lot of those here. . . maybe i'm pushing inner strength. . . yeah, that sounds good!)

knock on wood (the mighty mighty bosstones) this one is a little more upbeat. in fact, it kinda makes me want to jump around, dance, and laugh. something that i find kind of fun. . . is thinking of music like this in really tense situations. . . like when someone around me is really angry in general. . . or even better, when they are angry at me--which i admit, i don't think happens very often. . . . thinking of this music gives me an internal smaile that seems to shine a bit in my eyes, and the person usually becomes more frustrated with me and the fact that i seem to be happy when they aren't. plus it keeps me from getting really angry and acting stupid. "have you ever been close to tragedy or close to folks who have. have you ever felt a pain so powerful, so heavy you collapse. . . . i never had to knock on wood, but i knew someone who has." yes, again it's an internal kind of thing, but this song is so jump! it's also a great song to listen to if you have to stay up really late. it will give you that extra energy and strength to stay awake.

one step closer (linkin park) so. . . sometimes you've given yourself all the internal strength you can take, and it's just not enough- you need to break, smash, punch, throw, perhaps blow up something. . . anything. for instance, i tested the strength of my nalgene water bottle (which caled itself nearly indestructable) against a brick wall, over and over and over and over again. they were right. that thing could really take a beating! and yeah, this is a song that i played a lot my last year at kent. "i cannot take this anymore, saying everything i said before." i remember one particularlu cathartic student meeting, people were shocked, people were angry, people were crying, and i was handing out the lyrics to this song. . . .an angry sounding theme song! one of my favorite parts is. . . "shut up when i'm talking to you! shut up! shut up!" and " everything you say to me sends me one step closer to the edge, and i'm about to break. i need a little room to play." around this time, me, and some of my friends became fascinated and developed a new love for any movie that involved lots of explosions. . . . Jack Ass, XXX, and there was that terrible one with the skiers going against the terrorists. . . but that cutie rufus sewell . . . Extreme ops. . . and several others. anyway. . . i think you get my point. lots of anger, lots of frustration. . . those who were there remember, and this song is a great compliment.
pvc iv (blue man group) so, besides the fat that i'm notoriously in love with the blue man group and all that they do, this song doesn't hold any great significance. i do usually have it on the music mixes i use when i work out. . . because even without words, this music pushes me. rhythmic and driving. . . and i end up speeding up on the treadmill, or whatever. i guess it's also a reminder, whenever i'm feel like i'm working on a crappy project. . .that there are really cools things to do somewhere. . . even if i'm not doignthem, i can listen or watch and be inspired. -yes kind of cheesy, but completely true.

come on eileen ( i have no idea) so this is the ska remake of a fun 80's song. i think i just put it in there as another fun, jump on you bed and shake your head wildly kind of song. it can be a good way of ridding youself of frustrations. so, the next time someone gets up in your fave about anything, think of this song and envision yourself dancing crazily to it. . . you'll start to giggle a little which will frustrate the other person more. . . and i think that mean you win! cause you kep your cool. . . while they freaked out. stupid fuckers! HA!

the sun (they might be giants) yep, andother jump around the room fun one. . . . and this one is educational too. it teaches you all about the sun. it is also good for 'sleep impaired' working.

this is hell (elvis costello) this was a favorite among my emerson friends. that opening line is soooo wonderful. "this is hell, this is hell i am sorry to tell you it never gets better, or worse. but you get used to it, after a spell." -not if i can help it! yeah, three or four years into any educational system seems like hell, or at least that has been my experience. . .and it has been shared, so i know i'm not the alone in the whole thing. . . and i've been really glad for that. not much else. it's just kind of fun being able to sing along with a song saying "this is hell"

fire escape (blue man group) "all i see is not for me, what i want you have not got. try to go the way you told me, but each time i got lost." -this song has a little more of an edge to it. . . even though it's got that plucky blue man group sound to it. "but i'd rather look at the sky then wonder why i let you take my time." -see, it's a moving on song. getting past the thing that made you weak, or angry, or whatever. . . and it has that tremendous blue man sound that works really well at the gym too!

walkin on the sun (smash mouth) -used this song a lot as my sound check at emerson- yeah for some reason i did a lot of sound. this was a great song to use because it seems to insight fun. even the production manager teacher came out on stage and asked me to crank it up. - so i guess it falls under another fun, jump around kind of song. whoop-dee-do!

anyway, i guess that's all for now. . . take care.

so christmas. . . where did i leave off?

let's start with home. . . dan and i weren't there long, but i got a shot that i want to share. . . . this is something that we've had in the family for a really long time. . . and we don't see it as unusual. however, when any guests come in, they usually stare a bit, then, if they are really inquisitive.. .. they might ask us what is it about, otherwise i suppose they form their own opinions. . .

this is 'santa fred'

my uncle charlie made him while he was in college as a joke. although it looks like a stone man from easter island or something. . . he's just chicken coop wire and paper mache and some sort of stone finish. at the base, which you can't see in this picture is a small dip where someone can place candles and burn them in honor of the 'fredutian temple'. . . . for the holidays my mom 'dresses' him up as santa, as you can see. other than serving as an interesting conversation piece. . . he makes a great cat perch for my cat dante.

one of the other major parts of christmas at home was learning to make my grandmother's lasagna. mom mentioned making it, and dan and i said we wanted to learn. since then i made it this past week, and brought it into work to share with the shop crew. . . it went over very well.

while at home we also spent time with the champney's. . . i hadn't seen matt in possibly ten year, or megan. . . they both have very cute kids. . . . and we caught up with my aunt kathy for a bit as well.

then off ot long island to visit sara and russell. other than doing some great shopping, which i will elaborate on shortly. the weather was beautiful and sara wanted to take us to this amazing park that was funded by a single family in memory of their son, who was a great lover of outdoorsy things.

here are a couple shots from that. . .




and here are mom and sara posing as bookends


the park was really well thought out. . . it seemed like things had existed there for eons. . . but it had all been made to look as such.

ok. . . now for the shopping. . . .

here are a few things that i acquired as gifts and really loved. . . .

first off, a bag to satisfy my inner bag junkie. . .. yet another mock of a currier bag, only smaller, yet a slightly better shape than my beloved bailey works bag.

then. . . some shoeshere are my old sneakers next to my newer, really comfy, chiropractor admired hiking sneakers, which i think will be becoming my 'wear every day shoes'

then. . . my styling sneakers. . . . (dubbed ugly by some. . . but i will call then my swon sneakers. .. since the tow shape is like many of her shoes) i feel like i stretched out slightly beyond my own style. . . ok, no stretching as far as color is concerned. . . but they aren't vans or doc martins. . therefore, i consider it a stretch.

so, other than a number of books, pasta pots, and a number of other great and useful gifts. . . i think that sorta concludes the christmas stuff. . .

stay warm if you are being pummeled by noreasters. . . and i'll be in touch!

well, after going to this deep massage adjustment thing at my gym. . .. the pain in my ass subsided. . . . but there a 'clunk' (i call it a clunk because it is too deep in resonance and deep under my skin to be a 'click') in my hip. . . so this morning i returned to a chiropractor. . .. who had some other interesting things up his sleeve.

i explained the whoel deal, and he had me do a few stretches for him so he could see that i no longer felt pain. . . just this clunk. he was impressed with my flexibility. . . but after adusting me a little he wondered if i was so flexibily because, perhaps my ligaments were slightly weak. at this point he explained that he would test me for vitamin deficienies and such. ----oh and to help straighten the hip, i have a few excercises, and arch supports for my sneakers. . . .

so the vitamin deficiency thing. . . . it started with a small explaination of how the body is controlled with electrical current. . . this i understand. . . and i was handed a copper rod with a wire coming out of it. it was hooked up to this hoop-a-jube which i can't even begin to explain. . . . apparently its a miracle worker, with some dials, copper rods, and compartments. . . . . he walked me through some strength tests. depending on how he pushed on my arm and how i pushed back, he could tell that 'wood' was weak. 'wood' being some sort of chinese medicinal term. . . basical my ligaments, maybe liver, and thyroid could be a culprit. then he explained that if i was put in contact with things my body was in need of, i would be stronger, and when they were taken away, i would be weaker. so, wiht copper contact in one hand he had me hold different vitamin substances in the other hand. a few i seemed fine without, but oddly enough, when some were put in my hand i could resist his push better than when they were taken away. these are part of my vitamin suppliment now.

now. . .maybe a third of me is willing to chaulk this up to complete and utter hooey. . . . but the guy was really nice, he came well recommended. . . .and i got a good vibe from the whole experience. . . so, i'm gonna give it a try. and down the line, if i want to work on forgeting the reason i became allergic to cats. . .. the weird hoop-a-jube can help with that as well. . . .since our memory is made of electricity as well. . . . we'll see if i get this far. . .. for now, some arch supporting insoles. . . and vitamins to strengthen my ligaments. . . . ooh-de-laddy!


and yes. . . still more christmas stuff to come. . . looks like a trip to the santa fe baking company for me tomorrow!

OHOHOHOHOHOHOHOH

one thing that i must relate before i leave. . . .

before i took off for the east coast i made a couple batches of my mom's famous, strong, rum balls . . . . i got some new friends to say the least. however, one day while i was out shopping during lunch, the scene shop crew had a little fun. we have been watching south park duing our lunch breaks for some time now, and the crew was getting excited about the mr. hanky christmas episodes. . . .. they created a mr hanky out of rumballs. . . and dressed him, attached a note that read, "hidee ho miss erika, you sure do smell an awful lot like flowers" then of course, one of the crew took it a step further by proclaiming that it was even more realistic because the rum balls were made with nuts inside!

anyway. . . here's a shot

well. . . i did intend to write a lot today. . . but i'm sitting at the santa fe baking company. . . and i've been editing my pictures for the better part of 2 hours. . . . so now i'm sick of sitting here, listening to a group of trendy highschool guys pontificating about music and art in the background. . . . and my fingers want a break from the keypad. . . so i won't be getting nearly as far as i had hoped. . . . but here it goes anyway. . . .

the holidays. . . .


i flew to boston, by way of providence, and my brother who picked my up. i realized how much. . . . or which things in particular i miss about the east coast. . . mostly, the smell of water, now that i'm in a land-locked state. i was really surprised about the midlness of the weather for the time that i was there. . . and i was also pleased to see a few really nice sunsets out there. . . .
i don't get to see views much like this anymore

and here's a shot of a sunset from inside the prudential building where dan and i were doing some last minute shopping. . .

shortly after this my brother and i travelled to visit my our parents in northern ny, and our aunt and uncle on long island. . . but i'll save that for a little bit . . .. and continue with boston.

i did get to meet up with neill (who i hadn't seen in 6 years) and dan (not in 2 years). we rendez-voued (sp?) outside the fao schwartz. . . . . which i was very saddened to see was actually closing. but the immense bronze bear is still a good landmark to go from. we walked around town. . . ate a little. . chatted.. . and later on neill, dan (brother) and i saw the last samurai. . . . but i really enjoyed seeing the area again. . . .

my old stomping ground has changed a bit, and i had hoped to see more of it, but most of the emerson buildings were closed. . . . so i'll have to see them later. . . new performance arts spaces. . and the completely done majestic. . which i only saw from the outside, but even that was beautiful.



then just the backbay area. . . . the lights up and down the trees on comm ave. . ..



on new years. . . dan went to a party with many of his friends from college. . .. he got to sit around and talk about the good ole days. . . . but well, you can imagine that i wanted to sit around and talk to my friends. . . . not my brothers. . ..even though they all seemed very nice. i wanted to be around a small group of people i knew. . . or around lots of people i didn't know at all. . . so i hopped a bus, and a train. . . . (which reminds me. . . along with the smell of water in the air, i really miss public transportation. . . and it was even cooler because it was all free on new years! but a good half hour ride into work used to allow me time to read a book. . . . . that is something i really miss) and headed out to the waterfront. . . which was festivally decorated

and i got to watch, amidst a ton of total strangers. . . the new year's eve fireworks. . . . whoo-hoo!

i also got to spend some time at the museum of science. . . one of my favorite places in boston. . . . dan, some of his college friends and i caught an omnimax movie. . . . and then we scrutinized the polarized light art exhibit. . .

and nearly ever chance possible. . .. i had dan drive over that new bridge. . . and of course i can' remember the name of it. . but here's a shot of us riding through it. . . . (the night pictures just didn't turn out. .. . but i got a postcard to make up for it)

so. . . . it's not in chronological order or anything. . . but that kinda sums up the boston legs of the holiday tours. . . i'll be back with more later. . . just not now. . . . :)

so. . . .here's a warning, or not really a warning, but a sharing of info for the future. i'm leaving my position as the shop assistant and i'll be training the next guy in. . . . i'll be moving onto the scene shop floor, helping the carpenters and such with building, till this summer, when i resume my position as assistant master electrician. the reason i'm spouting all this out. . . for those of you who actually read this. . .. i won't have nearly as much input into this blog, since i won't be at a computer much at all. i'm hoping to work into my schedule some time spent at santa fe baking company over my weekends when i'll be able to catch up on emails, and blogging.

anyway. . . hope to post something larger about my holiday shortly. hope everyone is well.

can't tell you how upset i am about this blog. . . i started it a couple of days ago. . . got about three written pages of it (handwritten on paper.. so i don't know how that equates to typed blogger paging) and somehow wasn't able to save it. .. in fact i may run into the same problem now! ahhhhhhhh. . . . please don't lose this.. . . high and mighty master and mistress of bloggdom. . .. please safely store my rambings!

ok here we go. . .

the second installment of my life through music part two, the fun album. . .

#1 all i care about is love (billy flynn from the musical chicago) this song made the list due to a competition a couple of my firends and i held between each other. swon, emily, and i fought over one of our fellow grad students. . . eric van baars, a very talented, funny, intelligent, handsome (-and taken!) gay boy! we would tally up special conversations, time spent over coffee and tea or meals, hugs, kisses on the cheek, and movie outtings against one another for points. all three of us enjoyed him in all his roles while at kent state, but his part as billy flynn in chicago was the best! we want billy, give us billy! forget that! i think we'd all take eric just as he is! -remember that one time in yuko's history class when eric had very little sleep and yuko made some quote about how a large percentage of theatre audiences were made up of mostly upper class white people. . . and eric blurted out, "go whites!". . . or something like that . . . i almost peed! and then the surprise birthday party you all threw for me, in the iron chef theme, where i learned to make sushi!. . . eric posed as chairman kaga, with wig, weird shirt, and poor japanese accent. . . -such a sweet man deserves o have silly, girly things written about him on the bathroom stall door(wonder who will write such things!), even if we have no chance with him. ;)

#2 comes love (billie holiday) i got a 'best of' billie holiday album sometime during my senior year of highschool. . . anyway. . . my second summer as a theatre technician at music theatre north i spent as a scenic artist apprentice. . . of course that year the company almost closed due to money trouble after the opening of the second show. about 80% of the company decided to stay on an work for no pay for two weeks and the community agreed to feed us for that time. every morning someone would show up in the green room with breakfast and stock the fridge. . . and the same would happen around lunch and dinner time, it was really fantastic. we ended up finishing out the season because of that two week period. a group of the apprentices held a meeting with the local newspapers to let the community know how much we appreciated having the summer theatre program, and how it was started as an educational program, and the people who had screwed up the finances didn't have the right to lose it for us- (i was a part of that group, yup, started early in the causing trouble business)- anyway, i ended up as the sole painter for the season after a few people left. . . with very little experience, but i did it!. . . and pretty well, i think! anyway, i remember spending some pretty late hours painting, and i made myself many mix tapes to help pass the time. one of the mix tapes was an all girls singers tape. one of the costumers-who i thought was a incredibly cool person (laura shrewsbury)-came in to check on me and was amazed by a billie holiday song i had playing in the background. . . she complimented my taste in music several times. another time i was listening to it that summer was while painting a backdrop. for big backdrops, i would take the cloth over to another, smaller theatre in order to fully open it. i had a 40' drop laid out, stapled (by myself) and i started painting a large map of italy, with different italian city names (from a song in kiss me kate) in large letters across it. some time in the afternoon my highschool art teacher was passing through the building and did a double take when he saw me, in the middle of a 40x20 foot cartoonish painting of italy with my walkman on splattered with paint. we chatted for a while, and ever since then he brings up that afternoon in conversation with me. . . how surreal the image on me was over a large map .

#3 count on me (trout fishing in america) i was introduced to their music back in my virginia days. during the highland festival in the late summer, the barter theatre scheduled in different events and entertainment along with their usual repertory. as the master electrician i would tweek the lights a little before each show, then tweek them back for the normal theatre performance. we had magician acts, egyptian dancers, storytellers, and 'trout fishing in america' i never heard of them, but was told by a friend, andria, that they were really good and a lot of fun. as normal, i was nervous about doing well for them, but they were entirely laid back and easy to please. the band is just two guys. . . one shorter guy with darkish hair who plays a bass and reminds me a bit of my father, and his close friend, a tall kinda lanky blond who plays a rather small guitar. i didn't realize their music is usually classified as children's so it took me a while to find any of their stuff. they do some songs which are really silly and fun . . . but some are really sweet. . . well you can count on your fingers and you can count on you toes, count the freckles on your freckly face, or the hairs in your daddy's nose, but you can count on me because i'll always be your friend. . . count to 10 if you're angry, count on me if you're sad.

#4 de doo doo doo, de dah dah dah (the police) ok, this song goes back again to music theatre north. . . only this time it was my first year, and i was an electrics apprentice, for some reason there were a number of people from arizona in the technical theatre staff, and in particular there was one incredible cute carpenter boy named quayyum. . . if i spelled it right. (pronounced ky-yoom) a sweet blond with really beautiful blue eyes. . . who was, of course, fating one of the more talented and beautiful actresses. i was pretty new to technical theatre and i was working with these really incredible people who were teaching me sooooo muc, kris, annemarie, jodi, kevin and so many more. many times, while carpentry and electrics were sharing the stage this police album was playing in the background. so i was my normal quiet self among people i didn't know well, and this incredibly cute carpenter walked by singing, 'de doo doo doo, de dah dah dah, is all erika will say to me.' i didn't even think he knew my name!. yeah.. . it made my day, and most of my summer.

#5 djobi, djoba (gypsy kings) back into my emerson days. .. . i don't remember it it was my first or second year. . . probably the second. . . when i was really immersed in the tech theatre program. we had a set of theatre spaces in one building on brimmer street, aptly nicknamed 'brimmer', (sadly, the school no longer owns it. . . they built brand new spaces for the students, and i feel that they are short changed without having to work with the crappy equipment we learned and flourished on. . . and without that fun fire escape that you could climb between theatre spaces to crawl into windows. . . but we went allowed to do that! muhahahahaha) brimmer was a few short blocks from charles street which was convenient, but not always cheap for food. there was also a coffee house which was rather populated with emerson students during almost any part of the day called bella vita. it was a great place to hang out after tech or a show. . . very large and good warm beverages, some good food, and great desserts. . . and with the high number of emerson students there, it was easy to run into someone to talk to, or have some food with, or as nana and i did- bitch about our classes or relate the latest traumas fromtechnical rehearsals. one afternoon, my friend nana and i were chatting and i guess this album had a lot of play in bella vita recently. this song came on and nana, joined with about 6 other emersonians each. . without disrupting the flow of their conversations clapped along, djobi, (clap clap) djoba (clap clap) . . . and everone continued to do this while the song played. . . it was rather surreal,yet everyone seemed natural breaking in an dout of conversation to clap along. it was still a rather long time before the bella vita employees retired this album from it's nearly continuous play.

#6 what you don't know about women (city of angels) i figured thus was a pretty good pick for all those boy troubles most straight girls, and gay or bi boys i know have. especially those touchy communication issues. i know i usually say that i'm not a fan of musicals, but there are some good ones out there, and this show has a bunch of good songs. . . really tough vocal arrangments too! and yes. . this was the final show of my first season at music theatre north. in fact it ran so late that i wasn't able to run it. . . i had to leave for college. what you don't know about women, could fill a shelf of books. . . . how long ago did good sense desert me?. . . . you've not in synch with your feelings. sound familiar?

#7 in your eyes i don't have anything major to go along with this one. . . other than it is just one of those great songs that was on a lot of my mix tapes for a long time. i do remember it was in that john cusack movie, 'say anything'. john cusack was trying to get the attention of some girl (and who wouldn't want to be on the receiving end of that?) and he had this song playing on a boombax outside her house. . . like a 1980's serenade, in the rain. . . standing on top of his car? maybe?i don't remember completely. love. . i get so lost sometimes. . . in your eyes, the resolution, in your eyes, of all the fruitless searches.

#8 jumo, jive, and wail (brian setzer orchestra) sometime duing my college years swing had a large.. . but kinda short resurgence. a few of my friends took some swing dance classes. . . and one summer i got to work a brian setzer orchestra concert! my good friend, brian (and there were a lot of brians during my time at emerson) but this brian really had a thing for swing. he had a band for a while and i got to hear a handful of his amusing band stories. . .and well. . . he was way psyched about the concert, which was in-cred-i-ble. brian setzer leads the band with his guitar. for this concert he wore a lime green leopard print suit- hot! the whole orchestra wore brightly patterned jackets. . . and each section had their own choreography- the trumpets were by far, the most animated. the stage was a lot of fun too. . . tiki's all over the pace, brian setzer all over the place, and the lighting director for setzer was really on top of his game. he made our usually tame stage crazy with light sequences we didn't think were capable. he also called a tight spot light show. i was on spotlight- it was really fast paced and fun- from brian to a sax player ina head shot over to a trumpet player full body and back again quickly to brian. lots of fun. . . and a concert i would highly recommend attending. this song just makes you wanna get up and jump around.

#9 what a little moonlight can do (billie holiday) i had to put another of hers in. . . this song is so plucky musically. it really moves, but it is not overpowering. you'll get bold, you can't resist him, and all you'll saywhen you hace kissed is ooooooh. .. what a little moonlight can do -or for that fact, what a little whisky, vodka, scotch, or a little more beer can do! :)

#10 minnie the moocher (cab calloway) so, in virginia we had one touring show that came through called 'the blackbirds of broadway' it was a song and dance review from the black renaissance and this was one of the songs. . . all the performers were delightful to have around. they were new blood for us. and the show was a lot of fun. . . good voices for good songs and good dancers. there was a narrator that filled the gaps with poetry from langston hughes (which became our password into all our really fun techie parties) the performer that sung this song in our show had been in cats. . . i don't remember his name, but he was a total baby bear. he was a larger guy with an amazing voice. i think he had been put on a specail diet for his health. . . and the stage manager and other performers would keep an eye on him. . . but because he did most of the narrating, he would be offstage while others performed. he'd sneak into the greenroom to eat food he wasn't supposed to. i remember the stage manager would instrct the run crew and performers to make sure he wouldn't miss his entrances because he's be backstage eating. -he was also the first person that introduced me to kimchee. he had some leftovers that included kimchee. . . thought now i'm wondering where he got it from in that small town? huh. . . . anyway i remember he opened the container to reheat it, and this potent sour smell filled the greenroom in no time. he apologized for the smell but explained how good the kimchee was. i didn't try it then, but i have grown to love since.

#11 ny state of mind (sung by sgt. floyd pepper from the muppets) come on down to reality. . . . . i don't have any reason, left them all behind. .. . i'm in a ny state of mind. yet again, i had to put in some muppets. . . that's all. :)

#12 pinch me (bare naked ladies) so yeah. . . i got to work one of thie shows in boston. . . my last summer there. the lighting company that did our larger shows couldn't bring their usual lighting guy, so i ended up running lightboard for the concert (it happened a couple of times that summer, but the guys from that company trusted me enough, i guess. . . and hey! i got to do a bare naked ladies show!) they do have a really good concert. . .. i could leave but i'll just stary. . . all my stuffs here anyway. the concert was kind of insane. it was for the opening of their album stunt (which this song isn't from) and the cd would go on sale that night at midnght, but you could buy a voucher for the cd for $20 that would guarentee you a cd from a local shop at midnight. . and you got their autographs, which they signed for 3 hours after the concert. the event stadd only expected about 30,000 people and closer to 80,000 people showed up. . . there were people on the rooftops of nearby buildings, people across the street. . . and the plaza at gov't center was completely packed. on and evening such as this, it's hard to tell if i exist, pack a car and leave this town, and notice that i'm not around.

#13 roxanne ok, so there's a drinking game that can be played with this song. . .. everytime you hear them sing 'roxanne', you drink. . . pretty easy, or so you think. i've never tried to count how many times 'roxanne' is said, but i'm gonna try now. every time it is said i'll write down an 'x'. let's start. better have your drinks ready! x.x.i learned this from a few people at.x.santa fe.x.hold on.x.chorus.x.oh no!.x.x.x.damn. . . i can't write anything during the chorus. so yeah. . . never was good at drinking games sinci really don't.x.drink much.x.. . . and .x. i can't stand beer.x. damn.x. chorus.x.again .x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x. ok those last few are tough because they keep getting more and more quiet. so. . . how many drinks total? i count 26. . . . but that last one is questionable i think. anyway. . . have plenty around to drink!

#14 woke up one morning (sopranos theme music) i got my friend, swon, completely hooked on this show. she started off saying that she knows people talk about it a lot, but she didn't understand why. . . from that to staying up late watching all the episodes and the special features from the dvd's. this song was also used in a fashion show i did at kent. . . fun eh?

lets build a snowman!

here's an online game to do so. . . . but for some reason it crashes a lot on me. . .
snoman game that crashes but is still fun

and here's the lyrics froma song that you can hum while playing. . . it's from cannibal the musical. . . :?

Snowman
Swan: [slow] Sometimes... the world is black, and tears run from your eyes
And maybe we'll all get... really sick. And maybe we'll all die...
Soooooooooooooooooooo...

[fast] Let's build a snowman. We can make him our best friend.
We can name him Tom, we can name him George.
We can make him tall, or we can make him not so tall.
Snowman!

He'll have a happy face, a happy smile, a happy point of view!
If you build me a snowman, then I'll build one for you!

So, let's build a snowman. We can make him our best friend.
We can name him Bob, or we can name him Beowulf.
We can make him tall, or we can make him not so tall.
Snowman!

Hey!

He'll have a happy face, a happy smile, a happy point of view!
If you build me a snowman, then I'll build one for you!
Snowmaaan!
Snowmaaan!
Snowmaaan!

here's something completely silly and fun. . .

farting doughboy

have a good one!

for those of you wondering. . . i have plans to fly to providence, ri. . . where my brother will pick me up on the 21st. we'll travel up home to good old colton sometime for christmas, then back to boston for new years. . . in other words, i'll be in the north east from the 21st till the 3rd. . . so i hope to see all the people i can. . . .

ok. . . now, the other part of my weekend. one of my coworkers, tracy, asked if i was interested in going out to dinner with a few people and then heading out to espanola for their christmas parade. . . . i did make that face that made her say something to the effect that it wasn't going to be as cheesy as i thought. . . that it was really a good time, and the whole town sets out to outdo one another, sometimes just covering their low-riders in christmas lights and parading them around. . . and since i had nothing else better to do, i agreed. i ended up having a really good time. . . and well, here's a shot of what i think was the most impressive float. . . it's part of of some cement company. . . and the articulated arm on the vehicle was made out to be a set of flying reindeer which worked so well. . .


with the action of the arm it seemed like there was a set of reindeer diving and climbing through the sky with st. nick close behind. there were a bunch of really cute ones, like a toy train set all lit up. . . made from a riding lawn mower. . . and several others, but many of my pictures were blurred. there was one other, rather fantasic set up with a float in back that had a snowmaking machine spitting out snow along the way, and a small working ferris wheel and merry-go-round. . . this is a shot of the merry-go-round.


the whole time sitting on the road median, wrapped in blankets, i passed around some of my freshly made (mom's recipe) rum balls. . ..which, believe it or not, kept us a little warmer!

there was the potential of going to a tamale making party the next morning. . . but jared and i both had a few other things to accomplish before setting out for sunday night's festivities. . .

i don't know what it's called (and it does have a name, i just can't think of it) but sunday there was a 'reinactment' of mary and joseph traveling to find a safe place to have the baby jesus. . . .apparently it's done every year. people gather in the plaza, and two people dressed as mary and joseph lead a group of singers and a couple of guitar players around the plaza knocking on doors seeking shelter. (i also don't know what they were singing, and it being in spanish, and me being an american who has only partially learned some french in highschool. . . i was only able to hum along) anyway. . . as mary and joseph approach different doorways and knock a devil pops out from the rooftop above and yells back at them inspanish that they are unable to stay here. . . . or something like that---again. . . me no speaketh spanish.

it's a little hokey. . . especially the devil, which has people shining flashlights on him, all dressed in red with some sort of face painting going on. but a fun kind of hokey. when he shows up and yells at the couple. . . . all the audience people, candles in hand boo and hiss at him. . .. then mary and joseph proceed to the next house. . . . they do this until they come to the palace of the governor's where they are finally admitted. . .. everyone cheers, and we are all invited in as well to sing christmas carols and drink hot cider.

here's a shot of the hokey devil. . . it was really dark . . . my flash wasn't reaching him, so i photoshopped it a bit, just to make it visible. . .

anyway. . . . that was my weekend. hope you all had fun!

so. . . the end of last week was all about the christmas parties. first there was a staff party/dinner held at this shwanky restaurant called vanessie. . . we all got out of work a couple of hours earlier in order to clean up before the party. . . you know how dirty us production people are!

there was drinks, dinner, raffle awards, and christine brewer singing christmas carols (i guess she's a big name opera singer)

overall, very lovely.

i spent the next couple of days preparing for the poshy christmas party held in the scene shop for the donors of the opera. . . now why they like having it in the scene shop, as opposed to the brand new rehearsal space, stieren hall, i don't know. beautiful hardwood floors. . . heating. . . . clean and readily available bathrooms. . . i guess these donor people like to pretend to rough it, by having us open the bathrooms that are closed for the season. . . clean the entire shop (including moving our tool cage into the basement, and all the work tables into the props shop, or the basement) and decorate it with different pieces of scenery from this past summer, and jerry rigged lighting. (oh. . .and close off the hallways to the bathrooms so we can set up heaters there too!)

there was one 'fun' moment when one of the shop guys was moving a 55 gallon drum of flex glue from the scene shop into the propr shop. . . he hit a rack in the floor and the whole 55 gallons of glue went spilling onto the floor. everyone arrived shortly after his cries for help and grabbed dustpans, shovels, and a squeegie to gather up what we could. . . we ended up getting about 50 of the 55 gallons back. . . not bad. . . and an interesting way to spend the first 45 minutes of the morning. . . after wading in the glue i had to walk around with paper glued to my sneakers so i wouldn't leave a glue track around the shop, until i got to clean the bottom of my sneakers.

then i got to know the inside of the mao walls much better than this past summer. these walls are about 25 feet high and 25 feet wide, maybe. . . with a space about 8 feet wide in the middle for us to crawl around in. (there are wood supports throughout that create this twisted not so fun inside jungle gym) for this past summer we had to wire the inside for these really 'cool' cold cathode tube lights that were inset in the set piece. . . well, i got to climb around the inside to rewire it a bit for the christmas party. . . then again today to unwire it because we found out we can now scrap the walls. . . . after all the wiring was out. . . the carpenters took great pleasure in pushing the walls over and letting them float/fall onto their bellies (there is quite a bit of air resistance to them) so they could cut them all up and toss them out!

anyway. . .i'll have a bit more. . . in a bit.

GEORGE CARLIN POST 9-11 (His wife recently died...)
i realize this one has been back and forth over the internet. . . but i thought it was worth another read. . . .


Isn't it amazing that George Carlin - mouthy comedian of the 70's and 80's - could write something so very eloquent .and so very appropriate post 9-11. A wonderful Message by George Carlin:



The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider freeways, but narrower viewpoints.

We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less.

We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time.

We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness.

We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom.

We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values.

We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.

We've learned how to make a living, but not a life.

We've added years to life not life to years.

We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor.

We conquered outer space but not inner space.

We've done larger things, but not better things.

We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul.

We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice.

We write more, but learn less.

We plan more, but accomplish less.

We've learned to rush, but not to wait.

We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and
less.

These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships.

These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes.

These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill.

It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom. A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete.


Remember, spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever.

Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side.

Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost a cent.

Remember, to say, "I love you" to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you.

Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again. Give time to love, give time to speak, and give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind.

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.



HOW TO STAY YOUNG


1. Throw out nonessential numbers. This includes age, weight and height. Let the doctor worry about them. That is why you pay him/her.


2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down.


3. Keep learning. Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever. Never let the brain idle. " An idle mind is the devil's workshop." And the devil's name is Alzheimer's.


4. Enjoy the simple things.


5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.


6. The tears happen. Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person who is with us our entire life, is ourselves. Be ALIVE while you are alive.


7. Surround yourself with what you love, whether it's family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever.Your home is your refuge.


8. Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.


9. Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, to the next county, to a foreign country, but NOT to where the guilt is.


10. Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.

AND ALWAYS REMEMBER:


Life is not measured by the number of breaths we
take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

If you don't send this to at least 8 people.... who cares?

-George Carlin

The idea for this next entry came from me trying to come up with an inventive way of writing to a friend of mine. I like to make letters kinda fun and special, and i thought I would use music to help me out. I picked a bunch of songs, and categorized them into different moods. . . then I did quite a bit of editing of the songs. I cut them down to only a choice few. . . . then, after creating the discs. . . I listened to them and started writing in a stream of consciousness style. After starting I realized that I wanted to share this with more than one person. . . so, why not blog it. . .. maybe someone else will read it and enjoy it?

I will preface this by saying some of it contains embarrassment, it contains sappiness, it contains pain, and it contains delight. I mentions some friends, and a few I refuse to name, or talk about much anymore. I'm not protecting the innocent. . . just myself (pride, ego, etc.)

Sadly. . . . you all won't have all the music I reference. . . . I guess, if someone wants it. . . I can copy it, and maybe send it out for Christmas. . . . . keep in mind, there will be more to come!

So here goes. . . . I'll title it, my life through music, part one. . . the kindasad album.

#1 break your heart (bare naked ladies) I think I like the first line of this the most, the bravest thing I've ever done was to run away and hide.-then, the weakest thing I've ever done was to stay right by your side. I've known so many people who stayed with their boyfriend, or girlfriend when the best thing would be for them to leave---or people who stayed in any kind of bad situation out of fear or some feeling of obligation. My family sometimes has a bad habit of staying in bad job situations for too long---but we're trying to break that chain. My aunt made a brave move and left a job where the people didn't respect her enough and where they wouldn't promote her, and where she didn't have enough time to spend with her kids. . . . so she left. . . and now she has a job where she has plenty of time for her family and where her co-workers treat her well. My mom did it as well. .. she wasn't feeling right at my highschool and was fighting a lot of wrongful opposition. . . so she left. It's such a big risk, and it's so scary. . but I'm sure my mom is happier at SLU (college) now. . . and I guess that's why I ended up at KSU. I wanted to leave my job in Virginia. . . . I was feeling so burnt out and not seeing any sort of happy ending to it, so I went back to school. My stupid pride makes me feel like I have to follow through, even half-assedly.

#2 china (tori amos) I really love the way she twists the meanings of words throughout this song. She speaks of distance between people both metaphorically and physically, and how distance-bring intangible somehow weighs so heavily on us. I can feel the distance getting close. Doesn't seem like it makes sense logically. . . but my heart understands it. Then she changes from china the country, to china, the dinnerware setting. . and draws a parallel between the unnoticeable cracks in the plates to the fractured lives of the people in the song. I also always thought I made a pretty good job of building the great wall to protect me. Sometimes I think you want me to touch you, how can I when you build the great wall around you?

#3 don't give up (peter Gabriel w/ kate bush) for a long time throughout college, this song was on a lot of my mix tapes. It could be a strength song as well. Don't give up cause you have friends, don't give up you're not beaten yet, don't give up I know you can make it. It really could've been a strength song, but something about kate's voice feels a little sad (but maybe that's because of another song of hers that appears on this mix) don't give up you're not the only one, don't give up, we're proud of who you are. We're proud of you who are. . . similar if not word for word something that my dad wrote on my birthday card when I turned 25. my mom usually writes the cards, so I was surprised to see his handwriting on the inside. Usually they only say things like that when I'm having a rough time, and feeling doubtful of myself. . but this was unsolicited. I felt a little weird turning 25, having recently left my job to start grad school. . . . not having many friends (I stayed a little distant my first year)-- but overall ok. . . just weird at the number 25. seeing what my dad wrote though brought me to instant tears of happiness.

#4 the end of the world (bill frisell and some chick singing. . . bill frisell is the guitarist) oddly enough --not!---this came into my possession during a dance concert. My senior year at emerson I had a majestic (the theatre, not the assignment) sound design. I was soooo nervous. . . but determined to do a good job. The concert was a first time collaboration between the theatre and dance department in that a theatre director chose a book to base the story of the dance on. She chose a story about the failed explorations to the north pole by annie dillard (sp?) as the plot, then the choreographers broke the story down into different dance pieces. For the 'ariel piece' done on ropes, I digitally composed a piece of music using some of the frisell soundtrack. . . processed it forwards and backwards, added reverb and loops. . . and came up with a piece of music that was very well received. I don't remember what part of the dance this piece was from for sure. . . but I think it was when the explorers realized they wouldn't find their destination. My sound board operator for the show had a problem during one of the performances. It was at the very beginning of a cute 'penguin' dance. One soloist came out to start the piece, and she was to be followed by more penguins when the next phrase of the music kicked in. . .. . but the music stopped right then. The cd skipped. She soloist gracefully exited, then came back on just as gracefully to start again when the music started from the top. Only people who knew the show had any idea. . . and I thought the dancer made a brilliant recovery- she somehow knew when to leave and return at the exact break in the music. . . even though it wasnt planned! I was first terrified for my board op and her. . . then completely amazed! But I digress. . . the actual song, which I think has been covered by quite a few people. . . is very sad. Why do the birds go on singing, don't they know, it's the end of the world, it ended when I lost your love. . . . why does my heart go on beating, why do these eyes of mine cry? Don't they know it's the end of the world, it ended when you said goodbye. (the show, however, I count as one of my greatest triumphs at my undergrad)

#5 I will remember you. (Sarah McLaughlin) OK, so here is my sappy dawson's creek moment. I swear I think I only ever watched maybe 6 episodes. I'm so tired I can't sleep, standing on the edge of something much too deep, its funny how we feel so much we can't say a word, we are screaming inside but can't be heard. ---really who hasn't felt like this? Honestly, this isn't one of my all time, 'must have around me songs', it's just the title that fits with some recent partings between me and my friends. It seems to fit well in that sad category.

#6 I won't say I'm in love (sun by Megera in the Disney movie, Hercules.) -ok, here's a lighter song to make up for some of the heavier ones. And I'd be lying if I didn't say that this song in one of my theme songs. . . if only I could sing like her! I wish I could belt this one out with the back up singers 'sha-la-la-ing' behind me! as soon as I find a guy that fancy, I stay as far away from him as I can, outta sight outta mind. . . and never, never would I say the word love about any such person. Part of that is because it's so easy to say something and not mean it, I'm far more keen on actions, and the other part is how devastating it would be to say it and have someone hear it . . . then it's somehow made more real and you can't take it back so. . . I won't say I'm in love, . . . no chance, no way, I won't say it. . . get off my case, . . I won't say I'm in love. . . at least out loud, I won't say I'm in love.

#7 I miss you (incubus) ok, another song that I mostly picked for the title. But would I be out of line, if I said I missed you? --the one thing I did ever say to a boy I really faincied ---or thought I fancied, I went home for a quick break one summer. He drove me to the bus depot so I wouldn't have to leave so early and take the train. He gave me a long hug and I turned away and hastily got on the bus. I was a little pissed, he almost made me late. While I was at home he left a couple of messages on my voicemail. . . I returned the favor, and at the end , through tears, I told him I missed him. He wasn't mine to love, but I could miss him. . . I allowed myself that much indiscretion.

#8 reflection (sung by mulan in the Disney movie of the same name) first off, I want to say, cheesy as the song may be. . . lea salonga (or whatever her name is) has an incredible voice. . . one of the few things I genuinely envy in the world. Somehow I cannot hide, who I am, though I've tried. . . when will my reflection show, who I am inside? To start, who isn't scared that who they truly are isn't 'good enough'. . .. for the job, for the family, for the boy, for the girl?. . . secondly, anyone who as ever been made fun of, shunned, ostracized. . . whatever, for not having the 'right' looks. . . wonders when will people see me for who I am, and not for the size of clothes I wear, the style of my hair, the music I listen to, the bars I do or don't hang out in. . . why is my reflection someone I don't know?
I'm also reminded of one of my first classes at kent where one of my good friends, swon, confessed to running into difficult bits after moving to kent, which is a very white bread area that wasn't used to people of different cultures and how- being Korean- swon was mistaken for mulan by a young girl in a grocery store, because that was the only asian reference she had.

#9 I'm going to go back there someday (sung by gonzo in one of the muppet movies) there's something about the quality of his voice that makes it so touching. I've never been there, but I know the way. I'm going to go back there someday. Come and go with me, it's more fun to share. . . there's not a word yet for old friends that just met. Not to be deep, but I think it's about home, for me. . . wherever that is. I want all the people I love to be there. . . wherever there is.

#10 rainbow connection (sung by Kermit in the first muppet movie) so much of my childhood involved the muppets (for a long time, the time immediately following the muppet show was known as bedtime), I had to include this song. Even thought it might not be really sad, there is something kind of somber to it. My closest friend from highschool, dan, knows everything about the muppets, and he's the reason I got excited about them again in college. I would tape the shows while I was away at class, then watch them later. I didn't realize watching them as a kid, how intelligent they were. I remember how upset dan was when jim Henson died suddenly. He recorded hours and hours of news clips all day about it.
And something another friend, Sarah, pointed out to me, (something I kinda already knew) so many girls I know, including myself, are kind of like miss piggy. Always in pursuit of Kermit, who is constantly running away from us. --but they do end up getting married, so perhaps there's hope for all the miss piggy's out there, who feel llike they are hopelessly chasing Kermit. Who said that every wish would be heard and answered When wished on the morning star? Somebody thought of that, and someone believed it, And look what it's done so far.

#11 roads (portishead) this song kind of feels like an irish or Scottish dirge (to me at least). . .but without the bagpipes. . . at least in the beginning. The sound is so full and heavy, and her voice seems so frail against it. We've got a war to fight here, never found our way. I first heard this song in the movie tank girl- which became one of those theme movies I liked to watch whenever I felt like I was fighting something larger than me. Both tank girl, and jet (the main characters) are really kick ass girls. The fashion in it is quirky and trendy. . and forever in flux. For a while, when I would go into technical rehearsal, I would see them kind of like battles. . . which required me to wear the proper gear. I would cut the toes out of a pair of striped knee socks, and wear them on my elbows, like tank girl. . . and feel stronger, but I also found that it kept my elbows warm when I only wore a t-shirt in a dark theatre.

#12 I will not take these things for granted (toad the wet sprocket) one part of me just wants to tell you everything, . . . one part just needs the quiet. And if I'm lonely here, I'm lonely here. .. . and on the telephone, you offer reassurance. Well, I think that's how I always feel when I'm emotional over anything. I don't like discussing my emotions-- I like to gain some time and distance from them so I can deal with them more logically, with more objectiveness. So when someone asks me what's wrong?. . . I am caught between saying everything in my head, and just staying quiet. I remember listening to this when I was having trouble with a boy "who will not be named". .. he always talked about his feelings - it was kind of annoying, and at the same time, I was really jealous, that he felt confident and strong enough to reveal his feelings. I never felt strong like that. How can I hold the part of me, that only you can carry, I need some strength I haven't found. You know how when you fancy someone, and you become close to them, suddenly, if you don't hear from them for a whole day, you feel all depressed? Like you can't have a good day without their presence? I hated feeling that dependant on him! But I guess I finally got the strength I needed.
This song also has a nice meaning though. . .. I've just attached all these bad memories to it. Flowers in the garden, laughter in the hall, children in he car, dive into the ocean, standing in the bedroom, roaring canyons. . . I will not take these things for granted. --I'd like to live my life like that. Where I make special moments of all those small things that you only miss when you don't have them.
On a completely other note, this is also from the album that was playing the morning my house caught fire in highschool. I remember the power going out for short periods of time all morning due to the blizzard that hit us early that morning. I kept waking up to push play on my stereo, and start the music again. I could go into a very sad story about how my kitten, Artemis, woke me up in time for me to realize there was a fire so I could get out of my room. . . and she died. ---but I won't right now. . . .still feel guilty for not grabbing her when I ran out.

#13 this woman's work (kate bush) well, if the last song didn't make me cry enough remembering my most love pet, this song will put me over the edge. This is the saddest song I know. I should be crying but I just can’t let it show. I first heard this song in a movie, I think it was called, she's having my baby, with Kevin bacon. His wife has complications with the birth and this song is in the background while doctors are trying to save her, and he's outside. .. .waiting. I know you have a little life in you yet, I know you have a lot of strength left. As a drop of blood falls on the operating room, a tear falls in the waiting room. Give me these moments back, give them back to me. I forgot about the song till college, and I was watching party of five with my roommate, jen. One of the characters (bailey) got in a car wreck while driving under the influence, and put his girlfriend in the hospital. He's crying and staring at her in the hospital bed. . . of course this is when he decided to get help for his alcoholism. . . but that song! It really sticks to me.
It speaks so strongly to my sense of regret. . . all those things I should've said that I never said, all those things I should've done but I never did. . . it's such a lamentful song, and so soft at the same time. Pray god you can cope. . . . make it go away.

And yes it was another song I played a lot after I left a boy I fancied I know you have a little life in you yet, I know you have a lot of strength left. . . I was trying to convince myself, that I didn't need him. . . and I didn't----need him that is. Just make it go away. But it doesn't stop me from breaking out into tears while listening to this song. All the regrets she sings about in the end reverberate until she says make them go away now.

#14 until that time (skott freedman) this was the guy that my mom heard and praised after his visit to slu college. . . then I went to his very small concert at kent. (slightly more uplifting from the last song) he had to play on an electric keyboard. . . the sound was bad, and the lights were terrible! But he's a good piano player and a ocuple of his songs are really strong. One of my former students was the head of the gay and lesbian association that sponsored his concert. He was rather loud and mouthy in class, the student that is. . . he annoyed a lot of the other students, and me sometimes, but he kept me on my toes. . . and he had a genuine enthusiasm. He was really glad to see me there. Well I know that you're hurting, and I know that you're crying, and I know that you're lonely, and I know you know you're not the only one. But soon, again, my friend, you'll find you're way back to the sun. and until that time I'll be the hand for you to hold. And until that time feel free to cry on my shoulder, you'll be all right. We'll both be all right.