putputchill
Originally uploaded by ekissam.
man, i don't remember put put being this boring.
6.11.2006
gocartlineup
gocartlineup
Originally uploaded by ekissam.
common, we've been bored off our asses on the put put course. let us go!
soul meets body
I want to live where soul meets body
And let the sun wrap its arms around me
And bathe my skin in water cool and cleansing
And feel, feel what its like to be new
Cause in my head there’s a greyhound station
Where I send my thoughts to far off destinations
So they may have a chance of finding a place
where they’re far more suited than here
I cannot guess what we'll discover
We turn the dirt with our palms cupped like shovels
But I know our filthy hands can wash one another’s
And not one speck will remain
I do believe it’s true
That there are roads left in both of our shoes
If the silence takes you
Then I hope it takes me too
So brown eyes I hold you near
Cause you’re the only song I want to hear
A melody softly soaring through my atmosphere
Where soul meets body
Where soul meets body
Where soul meets body
I do believe it’s true
That there are roads left in both of our shoes
If the silence takes you
Then I hope it takes me too
So brown eyes I hold you near
Cause you’re the only song I want to hear
A melody softly soaring through my atmosphere
A melody softly soaring through my atmosphere
A melody softly soaring through my atmosphere
A melody softly soaring through my atmosphere
-Death Cab for Cutie
I will follow you into the dark
Love of mine some day you will die
But I'll be close behind
I'll follow you into the dark
No blinding light or tunnels to gates of white
Just our hands clasped so tight
Waiting for the hint of a spark
If heaven and hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the NOs on their vacancy signs
If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark
In Catholic school as vicious as Roman rule
I got my knuckles brusied by a lady in black
And I held my tongue as she told me
"Son fear is the heart of love"
So I never went back
If heaven and hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the NOs on their vacancy signs
If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark
You and me have seen everything to see
From Bangkok to Calgary
And the soles of your shoes are all worn down
The time for sleep is now
It's nothing to cry about
Cause we'll hold each other soon
The blackest of rooms
If heaven and hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the NOs on their vacancy signs
If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark
Then I'll follow you into the dark
-Death Cab for Cutie
what sarah said
And it came to me then that every plan is a tiny prayer to father time
As I stared at my shoes in the ICU that reeked of piss and 409
And I rationed my breathes as I said to myself that I'd already taken too much today
As each descending peak of the LCD took you a little farther away from me
Amongst the vending machines and year-old magazines in a place where we only say goodbye
It stung like a violent wind that out memories depend on a faulty camera in our minds
But I knew that you were a truth I would rather lose than to have never lain beside at all
And I looked around at all the eyes on the ground as the TV entertained itself
'Cause there's no comfort in the waiting room
Just nervous pacers bracing for bad news
And then the nurse comes round and everyone will lift their heads
But I'm thinking of what Sarah said that "Love is watching someone die"
So who's going to watch you die?..
-Death Cab for Cutie
-Death Cab for Cutie
5.27.2006
i don't feel. . .
hear i am, with a day off- (it’s still pretty early in the season) and i can’t seem to be inspired by anything to do.
of all the books on my shelf that are unread, i don’t feel like reading any of them.
i saw davinci code last weekend, and x-men last night, and nothing else seems to be striking my fancy.
i should have plenty to catch up on from work- blogwise, but i don’t feel like it.
i should run around a get some errands out of the way, but i don’t feel like it.
i should go to the gym, but i don’t feel like it.
i should wax my legs, but i don’t feel like it.
i should shower before going out, but i don’t feel like it.
(guess i could rationalize that i want to conserve water. . . )
there’s some cleaning around the house that’s begging to be taken care of. . . but i don’t feel like it.
i kinda just want to sit around and read a comic book, but i don’t have the one i want, which should spawn into a shopping trip, but i don’t feel like feeding the retail therapy beast today. daily show looked like a set of repeats this week, so i started downloading more episodes of QI. . . what is it about an intelligent and comedic british guy, that their ability to talk with a slight air of knowledgeable authority will immediately turn them into drool material? add a bit of daring 80’s androgynous make up and i’m a puddle of mush on the floor.
man, i wish i could carry more information in my brain. . . and have it easily accessible. the bizarre facts that stephen frye spouts out during the show are so fantastic, and yet, by the end of an episode i’m not even able to relate what was discussed in a general sense, let alone a true factoid. i have a few friends that are better with archival, historic, and obscure trivia type knowledge- i kind of categorize them together in my head, but none of them have ever met one another. i love being around them and getting them started on a subject. john, sarah, and neill. . . they’re all incredibly well spoken too. . . one finally started a blog, which i love reading, and i’ve prodded the other two several times, to little avail. if they were to write a book together, or have a talk show of some kind. . . that is exactly what i would be in the mood for right now. . . which is possibly why i’ve filled the void with QI. . . and the lack of initiative for the day. . . because what i want doesn’t exist readily available to me. ouch. . . self realization. . . i want something i can’t have. good theme for the day.
and tell me, why is it that on a day like today- where i decide to shun the outside world and human interaction-even possibly only leave my room for proper edible provisions and bathroom breaks, that i can’t for the life of me figure out a way of having large quantities of chocolate delivered directly to my door?! or perhaps some coldstone creamery ice cream. . . the apple pie flavor sans the apples and made with cake batter ice cream instead of their sweet cream ice cream. dammit. . . .i’ll have to shower and dress if i’m going to procure any of that. i guess now would be a good time to have a compliant boyfriend. . . or just a friend that feels like doting on my pathetic ass. . . or to become incredibly wealthy and partake of my ‘man servant’s’ duties.
do wealthy women have ‘man servants?’.. . . or ‘woman servants?’ as if i will someday need to know the difference. . . BAH!
as john would say, with a wave of his hand, ‘bring me my grapes!’
i have this itch to do something, but i am completely uninspired. . . and i’ve had a couple of waking hours to work on this. . . so it’s not like i haven’t tried to think of something.
i don’t feel like:
(continued from above)
going to a museum
shopping for groceries
shopping for fun
updating my myspace page/ friendster/ bebo/ facebook/ orkut etc
cleaning
sunning
hiking
cooking
reading
writing- let’s face it, i’m barely doing a mediocre job of updating this blog!
organizing
calling and chatting
listening to radio talk shows
making care packages for people
origami
checking out whatever lame show cable has to offer
figuring out the rubics cube (lasted a full 3 minutes before getting bored)
texting my friends
creating a postcard for postsecret
playing katamari damacy
playing piano (though i wouldn’t mind, it would involve showering and leaving the house which seems like two ‘anti’ steps to get to one that i’m not even sure would be worth it)
sweeping up the dead bug off my bathroom floor
watching out for my roommate’s dog
moping around to melancholy music
see. . . i’ve been mulling it over.
a ‘do over’ on today sounds nice. maybe try waking up slightly earlier and just forcing a day to happen. . . or perhaps i’ll just see if taking on a vampire’s schedule will do the trick. i’ll pass out for the rest of the daylight hours and wake up to see if i feel productive once the sun has gone down. . .. or just fill the rest of the day with however many episodes of QI i can . . . . or my computer can download.
is this the precursor that other people have before they move to spend their entire day drinking or smoking? what makes me more predisposed to just sleeping? ok. . . QI calls. later.
4.23.2006
EVERYTHING. EVERYONE. EVERYWHERE. ENDS. - warning, contains some spoilers.
i recently got my roommate hooked on six feet under. she’s only seen the fourth season on up though. never the less. . . hooked. the 5th season recently came out and i added it to my netflix. we got through the first disc midweek, and then had two more for the weekend. since neither of us had much to do saturday night we were psyched to rip through the two discs. i knew there had to be an end, and i really wanted to see how it was done. it was kind leaked to me that everyone died. . . but i needed to see for myself. i was so happy to see a resurgence of the quirky inner monologue flashes that had waned in more recent seasons, like claire breaking out into a cabaret type song about how much her panty hose were bothering her at work, or david breaking into a memory of playing a part in a grade school production of ‘anything goes’. . . anyway. . . the end of the third and last disc i had in my hands, left us needing more.
there was nate, set to die again. . . they’d brought him back before, but i figured it would be different this time. . . and we needed to see for ourselves.
so, pajama clad, both katy and i decided to add hoodies to our attire to hide our bra-lessness, she donned glasses and i topped my freakishly looking red mop of a head in a hat. . . apparently watching tv for several hours can turn my hair into something akin to carrot top or side show bob . we headed out to hollywood video around 8pm, in order to acquire the last two dvds in the series. we then plopped down for another 4 hours. . . 4 hours of absolute gut wrenching anguish. seriously, i was dehydrated from crying and blowing my nose so much. it wasn’t bad. . . it was amazing. . . well written, like all the other episodes. . . but watching the pain of the characters was so tormenting. by the last episode, i was relieved the leave the story.
i’m wondering, does anyone know if the brief appearance of george’s short lived fiance, ‘joy’ was a nod to that other cable show about death, dead like me?- katy and i also netflixed those shows. it, too, was well written, honest, quirky, but respectful. . . and the mom from that show, joy, had one scene as george’s fiance. . . and i was wondering if that was intentional? seems a waste if it wasn’t. . . .
anyway, closing in on the last half hour of the last episode i’m wondering, how are they gonna pull off the death of everyone. i began cringing anytime a large group of them were in a room together. . . would billy finally lose it and spray them all with bullets from a automatic weapon? would there be a large terrible food poisoning accident at a family dinner? would their funeral cavalcade get squashed by an 18 wheeler that had lost control? would there be some terrible bombing of the funeral home? alas, none of it. . . thank goodness! how it was handled was unexpected- to me. . . true to the show, sad, but easing. . . i guess. . . you’ll have to judge for yourself, should you choose to.
bloodshot
bloodshot
Originally uploaded by ekissam.
you know how i said i was crying a lot, and blowing my nose. . . a lot. . . . guess i put a little strain on the old eyes. or just one eye. totally bloodshot. i've never even had a bloodshot eye. . . . this is a lot! this is even more gross than the aeon flux eye thing, i think.
4.19.2006
dribbles and bits, and bits. . .
. . . and bits. . .
i hate getting out of bed in the middle of the night, even to pee. for the past couple of nights my bladder’s been screaming at me. one night i ignored it. . kept sleeping through, but it forced me to have a dream of peeing. before you get too excited about me possibly peeing the bed. . . that didn’t happen. however, when you pee in a dream, and not in real life. . . you get no release. so there i am, peeing in my dream. . . yet there is no relief. . . should’ve just gotten my ass outta bed to pee.
. . . and bits. . . .
i have a genuine santa fe car now. not because i got new mexico plates- i’ve had those for a while. in fact nothing was added to make my car genuine. . . in fact, something was lost. a hub cap to be exact. lame. and yet, my car seems to fit in better. maybe i should punch out a window and cover it in clear plastic. . . that, or go out and buy an SUV and add some spinners.
. . . and bits. . .
there was a story on npr this morning about a musician in st. louis. i can remember the name. . . but there’s no recordings of his piano playing, except possibly some player piano music reels. someone i knew or know had a player piano. it was either my aunt or my piano teacher. i think it might have been my piano teacher because i seem to remember being allowed to choose a music reel as a reward. i remember choosing, ‘you are so beautiful’. . . i think.
. . . and bits. . .
i used to be a much better task manager. my daily planner at school weighed at least 5 pounds. it was immediately obvious if i didn’t place it in my bag in the morning. my time used to be far more in demand, and i was able to get more done. . . somehow. i blame the lack of urgency in my life, especially during the winter. i need to make a better list, and i need to pay more attention to it, and attack it with a little more veracity. oh well, summer will be here soon enough, free time will be only a figment of my distant memory.
. . . and bits. . .
i used to be incredibly afraid of doctors. after a small childhood trauma i couldn’t go near them. mom and dad bought me a fisher-price doctor kit so i could try to ease into doctor’s visits. i made quite the scene in kindergarten when it was time for our tetanus shots. once i saw the line up of needles in the nurse’s office i just flipped. several, at least three, maybe five? teachers and other adults were called in to hold me down- little 5 year old me, what a hellion. i’ve gotten much better with doctors and needles since. . . but if you think i’m over it i’ve got news for you. during a recent doctor visit i had my blood pressure taken. . . twice. . . since the first number was totally scary, even the doc thought maybe i was suffering from some white coat anziety. the ‘before’ blood pressure was 18. . . that’s EIGHTEEN! points higher than the ‘after’ number.
. . . anyway. . . look at me, blogging mid-week. . . what WILL the neighbors say?
i hate getting out of bed in the middle of the night, even to pee. for the past couple of nights my bladder’s been screaming at me. one night i ignored it. . kept sleeping through, but it forced me to have a dream of peeing. before you get too excited about me possibly peeing the bed. . . that didn’t happen. however, when you pee in a dream, and not in real life. . . you get no release. so there i am, peeing in my dream. . . yet there is no relief. . . should’ve just gotten my ass outta bed to pee.
. . . and bits. . . .
i have a genuine santa fe car now. not because i got new mexico plates- i’ve had those for a while. in fact nothing was added to make my car genuine. . . in fact, something was lost. a hub cap to be exact. lame. and yet, my car seems to fit in better. maybe i should punch out a window and cover it in clear plastic. . . that, or go out and buy an SUV and add some spinners.
. . . and bits. . .
there was a story on npr this morning about a musician in st. louis. i can remember the name. . . but there’s no recordings of his piano playing, except possibly some player piano music reels. someone i knew or know had a player piano. it was either my aunt or my piano teacher. i think it might have been my piano teacher because i seem to remember being allowed to choose a music reel as a reward. i remember choosing, ‘you are so beautiful’. . . i think.
. . . and bits. . .
i used to be a much better task manager. my daily planner at school weighed at least 5 pounds. it was immediately obvious if i didn’t place it in my bag in the morning. my time used to be far more in demand, and i was able to get more done. . . somehow. i blame the lack of urgency in my life, especially during the winter. i need to make a better list, and i need to pay more attention to it, and attack it with a little more veracity. oh well, summer will be here soon enough, free time will be only a figment of my distant memory.
. . . and bits. . .
i used to be incredibly afraid of doctors. after a small childhood trauma i couldn’t go near them. mom and dad bought me a fisher-price doctor kit so i could try to ease into doctor’s visits. i made quite the scene in kindergarten when it was time for our tetanus shots. once i saw the line up of needles in the nurse’s office i just flipped. several, at least three, maybe five? teachers and other adults were called in to hold me down- little 5 year old me, what a hellion. i’ve gotten much better with doctors and needles since. . . but if you think i’m over it i’ve got news for you. during a recent doctor visit i had my blood pressure taken. . . twice. . . since the first number was totally scary, even the doc thought maybe i was suffering from some white coat anziety. the ‘before’ blood pressure was 18. . . that’s EIGHTEEN! points higher than the ‘after’ number.
. . . anyway. . . look at me, blogging mid-week. . . what WILL the neighbors say?
4.10.2006
superorange
superorange
Originally uploaded by ekissam.
did i get your attention?
yeah, so this bowl of mandarin oranges sat with it's lid on about three weeks too long- totally my fault. it was DIS-GUS-TING to open. gooey, fuzzy, NASTY.
however, recently i've been pondering my own outcast standing. sometimes it's good and sometimes it's bad to be the outsider.-this i understand. but here is nature in action. . . in this particular bowl of oranges, being an outsider means being SUPER MANDARIN!, able to outlive the vile decomposition happening all around it. yeah, not an exact corrolation to my life. . . but LOOK at it. horrible, but you can't stop staring.
liz&amanda
liz&amanda
Originally uploaded by ekissam.
liz stopped by with her friend amanda, on their way out to la jolla. for a fun morning jaunt, i took them to fridgehenge.
origamiaerial
origamiaerial
Originally uploaded by ekissam.
i had a little hobby time on my hands a number of weekends ago. . . so i made some cranes . . .ok, quite a few cranes.
4.08.2006
i got nuthin'
i need a haircut so bad i’ve been dreaming about visiting a salon. but still, i want to hold out a bit, so it lasts a little longer into the summer. it’s getting really annoying though.
i got the katamari damacy game soundtrack from my friend, dan (thank you!). i LOVE it. i haven’t stopped listening to it. does that make me an official addict?
i’m netflixing some more sopranos. peter bogdanovich is the director of this one. he gave a speech at my college graduation.
hey, i warned you. . . i got nuthin’.
i got the katamari damacy game soundtrack from my friend, dan (thank you!). i LOVE it. i haven’t stopped listening to it. does that make me an official addict?
i’m netflixing some more sopranos. peter bogdanovich is the director of this one. he gave a speech at my college graduation.
hey, i warned you. . . i got nuthin’.
4.06.2006
the home depot chronicles, part 34
i’ve been thinking about writing, or at least detailing my more interesting stories from being a professional shopper. granted, i’m not solely a shopper, nor am i a personal assistant type shopper. i do a lot of the shopping for the santa fe opera scene shop during the winter, and about the same for the electric shop during the summer. yet, i’ve have so many fantastic, and fantastically maddening tales. . . . i mentioned it to my roommate as well. she is also a shopper- she works in the prop shop for the opera, come to think of it, i have another friend, who’s worked as a prop shopper for a couple of theatres. . . man, we could put together a BOOK! too bad, i didn’t write it all down as it happened. . . now i’ll have to make use of my poor memory. . . . but not today!
i’d spent the better half of the day driving from place to place in albuquerque, dropping off broken equipment and picking up a few other items. i only had one place left to go before heading back to the opera to finish out my day. . . home depot. most of my best stories happen here. all i can think is, ‘when will a lowe’s or something move into santa fe? home depot needs some serious competition.’ trust me, whenever feasible i take my business to smaller, more helpful hardware stores. . . . but i still get to home depot anywhere from 2 to 5 times a week on average. . . . sometimes as much as three times a day. . .. those are really bad days.
so, there i was, on a very long line with 3 items.* a couple packages of zip ties, and a broom, that’s it. finally it was my turn, the cashier scanned the two bags of zip ties and then grabbed the broom. the upc had been ripped off the cardboard packaging. i hadn’t noticed. . . and since i abhor having to wait for a price check, i’m usually very careful to make sure everything has it’s pricing. i’m especially careful when i need to have something cut, like a piece of molding or some electrical wire. i ask for the sku# as well as a sticker from the worker that made the cut, so there is no question. . . . but there i am, with no bar code. the cashier looks as me and says, ‘there’s no bar code.’ i say, ‘damn, i didn’t even notice.’ she stares at me a while, and i can see the wheels turning. i know exactly what she’s thinking, she wants me to go get a different one. but no way am i rolling over and acting like it’s my fault that the upc was ripped off her company’s merchandise. so i stand there and stare back. she picks up her walkie and says, ‘well i can call someone, or you can go get another.’ at this point i have a very rapid argument in my head. the first side went something like this, ‘well, doesn’t this company employ and pay people on the floor, in part for this purpose? and why should i be doing my job as well as your co-worker’s job?’. . . . but then i quickly thought of all the wonderful (sniff sniff. . . that would be sarcasm) help i’ve received on the floor of this fine establishment. i smiled real big and said, ‘well, i bet i’ll be faster.’ and turned on my heels. i really wish i had added a, ‘won’t i?’ to the end of it, just for added rhetorical snarkiness. after all, the store has just had some major remodeling. . . and it takes me a couple extra minutes to find whatever i’m looking for, now that it’s all moved around. . . . and if it takes me a couple extra minutes, then it will take their employees at least double what it takes me. i arrive back, with my upc emblazened broom, pay, and leave. . . . seething.
of course the rest of my day went to suit. my computer died, well actually exploded yesterday- no shrapnel. . . just a big POP and fizzle. i got a new tower the same day, but the program i use to budget wasn’t working. that got fixed shortly after i got back to the opera. i started going over some of the receipts, and went to print. . . but that function wasn’t working. . .right at a few minutes to five. . . so IT is gone, and i don’t get to finish anything. arg.
it’s possible that dealing with home depot is just slightly less annoying than dealing with sprint customer service. it’s a good thing there are no infants in my day to day life. . . days like this make me want to punch babies.
*note, there is always a long line. there are only about 2 or 3 cashiers at one time. an extra cashier will try to persuade you to move to the self check out which will promptly break down, or won’t scan your large package or read it on it’s weight sensor correctly, then prompting you to ‘please place package in bag area“ for 3 minutes before the manager resets it, or it will need a paper receipt roll change as you go to pay. in my case, i still need to have the cashier come around to check my tax exempt card, then hunt down the proper tax exempt forms which are (usually) readily available at a non self check out station. . . all in all, more trouble than standing in line for a while.
i’d spent the better half of the day driving from place to place in albuquerque, dropping off broken equipment and picking up a few other items. i only had one place left to go before heading back to the opera to finish out my day. . . home depot. most of my best stories happen here. all i can think is, ‘when will a lowe’s or something move into santa fe? home depot needs some serious competition.’ trust me, whenever feasible i take my business to smaller, more helpful hardware stores. . . . but i still get to home depot anywhere from 2 to 5 times a week on average. . . . sometimes as much as three times a day. . .. those are really bad days.
so, there i was, on a very long line with 3 items.* a couple packages of zip ties, and a broom, that’s it. finally it was my turn, the cashier scanned the two bags of zip ties and then grabbed the broom. the upc had been ripped off the cardboard packaging. i hadn’t noticed. . . and since i abhor having to wait for a price check, i’m usually very careful to make sure everything has it’s pricing. i’m especially careful when i need to have something cut, like a piece of molding or some electrical wire. i ask for the sku# as well as a sticker from the worker that made the cut, so there is no question. . . . but there i am, with no bar code. the cashier looks as me and says, ‘there’s no bar code.’ i say, ‘damn, i didn’t even notice.’ she stares at me a while, and i can see the wheels turning. i know exactly what she’s thinking, she wants me to go get a different one. but no way am i rolling over and acting like it’s my fault that the upc was ripped off her company’s merchandise. so i stand there and stare back. she picks up her walkie and says, ‘well i can call someone, or you can go get another.’ at this point i have a very rapid argument in my head. the first side went something like this, ‘well, doesn’t this company employ and pay people on the floor, in part for this purpose? and why should i be doing my job as well as your co-worker’s job?’. . . . but then i quickly thought of all the wonderful (sniff sniff. . . that would be sarcasm) help i’ve received on the floor of this fine establishment. i smiled real big and said, ‘well, i bet i’ll be faster.’ and turned on my heels. i really wish i had added a, ‘won’t i?’ to the end of it, just for added rhetorical snarkiness. after all, the store has just had some major remodeling. . . and it takes me a couple extra minutes to find whatever i’m looking for, now that it’s all moved around. . . . and if it takes me a couple extra minutes, then it will take their employees at least double what it takes me. i arrive back, with my upc emblazened broom, pay, and leave. . . . seething.
of course the rest of my day went to suit. my computer died, well actually exploded yesterday- no shrapnel. . . just a big POP and fizzle. i got a new tower the same day, but the program i use to budget wasn’t working. that got fixed shortly after i got back to the opera. i started going over some of the receipts, and went to print. . . but that function wasn’t working. . .right at a few minutes to five. . . so IT is gone, and i don’t get to finish anything. arg.
it’s possible that dealing with home depot is just slightly less annoying than dealing with sprint customer service. it’s a good thing there are no infants in my day to day life. . . days like this make me want to punch babies.
*note, there is always a long line. there are only about 2 or 3 cashiers at one time. an extra cashier will try to persuade you to move to the self check out which will promptly break down, or won’t scan your large package or read it on it’s weight sensor correctly, then prompting you to ‘please place package in bag area“ for 3 minutes before the manager resets it, or it will need a paper receipt roll change as you go to pay. in my case, i still need to have the cashier come around to check my tax exempt card, then hunt down the proper tax exempt forms which are (usually) readily available at a non self check out station. . . all in all, more trouble than standing in line for a while.
4.01.2006
oh, what!
i realize i’ve done very little with this blog lately. . . . guess i’ve been uninspired. work has been work, life has been life. . . not too much to note. my roomie got a dog, and i suppose i should post a pic or something. . . but i just don’t feel like it. and i’ve been kicking around with a couple more philosophical ideas. . . but they are gonna be long winded, and i’m just not ready to tackle it.
i did have a friend travel through this week. liz chany, a friend from kent, was moving from the dc area to la jolla. she and a friend were making the drive together and they stopped by monday evening. liz had been telling her friend, amanda, about all these great places to eat and such here in santa fe. . . . we did do cowgirl for dinner, and maria’s for margaritas. . . and of course. . . baking company for breakfast in the morning. . . -best orange juice in town. they were gonna do some walking around in the plaza and all before they left, but i got to take them to a few places before i had to get to work.
first off. . . who could miss ‘fridgehenge’. . . . well, once you know it exists! so we took a quick drive out there and then out to the opera for a whirlwind tour. then i headed back to work and they went on their way. it was really fun to sit and chat and try to catch up on news about each other as well as anyone else we had been in touch with. then they told me that their next stop was the grand canyon! and NEITHER of them had ever been there before! WELL. . . i had to give them any advice i possibly could. . . the whole ‘sunrise/ sunset’ thing. . . . the IMAX thing. . . and how i could tell them how amazed they were going to be, but how it wouldn’t do the actual feeling and experience any justice. i can’t wait to hear their thoughts!
ummmmm. . . . i started playing video games. yes, as my 30th birthday present from my brother, i got a playstation 2. i’ve never been much of a gamer. . . just missed that ride somehow. i got a little interested in ‘american mcgee’s alice’. . . . but i still have never finished it- i got all the way to the end at school once. i had the game saved on a special computer lab computer. and after getting to the last boss and needing to save it in order to finish my homework. . . .the lab crashed a couple of days later. . . i lost all my saves. . . and since i’m really bad at the game. . . i need those saves in order to survive. well, i never quite got back to it after that.
i was recently introduced to katamari damacy. . . and i have to admit, i’m a sucker for the cartoony games- i always picked sonic over anything else my friends had. well, i mentioned to my brother that i would like to try it out. . . and he offered to set me up. i’m thinking. . . how often am i really gonna play? so i declined. then a couple of weeks later, i was in a more whimsical mood.. . . and i said, ‘yeah, set me up.’ he sent me out the playstation 2 and a couple of games, including katamari. dude. . . i love this game. i’m not so good at it. . . . but i do get better and advance through the levels. . . and the music is crazy fun. . . . and since my weekend evenings are a little quiet, i can sit around and play without bothering anyone. doubt i’ll get to play much during the summer. . . but maybe i’ll bring the station in and set it up to play in downtime during shows. we’ll see.
well. . . .i gotta roll. . . my katamari that is!
i did have a friend travel through this week. liz chany, a friend from kent, was moving from the dc area to la jolla. she and a friend were making the drive together and they stopped by monday evening. liz had been telling her friend, amanda, about all these great places to eat and such here in santa fe. . . . we did do cowgirl for dinner, and maria’s for margaritas. . . and of course. . . baking company for breakfast in the morning. . . -best orange juice in town. they were gonna do some walking around in the plaza and all before they left, but i got to take them to a few places before i had to get to work.
first off. . . who could miss ‘fridgehenge’. . . . well, once you know it exists! so we took a quick drive out there and then out to the opera for a whirlwind tour. then i headed back to work and they went on their way. it was really fun to sit and chat and try to catch up on news about each other as well as anyone else we had been in touch with. then they told me that their next stop was the grand canyon! and NEITHER of them had ever been there before! WELL. . . i had to give them any advice i possibly could. . . the whole ‘sunrise/ sunset’ thing. . . . the IMAX thing. . . and how i could tell them how amazed they were going to be, but how it wouldn’t do the actual feeling and experience any justice. i can’t wait to hear their thoughts!
ummmmm. . . . i started playing video games. yes, as my 30th birthday present from my brother, i got a playstation 2. i’ve never been much of a gamer. . . just missed that ride somehow. i got a little interested in ‘american mcgee’s alice’. . . . but i still have never finished it- i got all the way to the end at school once. i had the game saved on a special computer lab computer. and after getting to the last boss and needing to save it in order to finish my homework. . . .the lab crashed a couple of days later. . . i lost all my saves. . . and since i’m really bad at the game. . . i need those saves in order to survive. well, i never quite got back to it after that.
i was recently introduced to katamari damacy. . . and i have to admit, i’m a sucker for the cartoony games- i always picked sonic over anything else my friends had. well, i mentioned to my brother that i would like to try it out. . . and he offered to set me up. i’m thinking. . . how often am i really gonna play? so i declined. then a couple of weeks later, i was in a more whimsical mood.. . . and i said, ‘yeah, set me up.’ he sent me out the playstation 2 and a couple of games, including katamari. dude. . . i love this game. i’m not so good at it. . . . but i do get better and advance through the levels. . . and the music is crazy fun. . . . and since my weekend evenings are a little quiet, i can sit around and play without bothering anyone. doubt i’ll get to play much during the summer. . . but maybe i’ll bring the station in and set it up to play in downtime during shows. we’ll see.
well. . . .i gotta roll. . . my katamari that is!
3.09.2006
my life, the soundtrack
. . . for today at least. . .
opening credits: such great heights, postal service
waking up: take it all away, cake
average day: buildings and bridges, ani difranco
first date: my favorite things, brian setzer orchestra
falling in love: anyday, ani difranco
love scene: 3 libras, a perfect circle
fight scene: crawling, linkin park/ without me, eminem
break up scene: don’t stay, link park
back together: let go, frou frou
secret love: baker baker, tori amos
life’s okay: train to skaville, the ethiopians
mental breakdown: roads, portishead
driving: seed 2.0, the roots
learning a lesson: cannonball, damien rice
deep thought: everybody, raul midon
flashback: big pimpin’ (papercut), jay-z and linkin park
partying: take me out, franz ferdinand
happy dance: feel good inc., gorillaz
regretting: what if, coldplay
a long night alone: recoil, ani difranco
death scene: don’t panic, coldplay
closing credits: it can’t come quickly enough, scissor sisters
ooooh, and now a playlist on my ipod!
opening credits: such great heights, postal service
waking up: take it all away, cake
average day: buildings and bridges, ani difranco
first date: my favorite things, brian setzer orchestra
falling in love: anyday, ani difranco
love scene: 3 libras, a perfect circle
fight scene: crawling, linkin park/ without me, eminem
break up scene: don’t stay, link park
back together: let go, frou frou
secret love: baker baker, tori amos
life’s okay: train to skaville, the ethiopians
mental breakdown: roads, portishead
driving: seed 2.0, the roots
learning a lesson: cannonball, damien rice
deep thought: everybody, raul midon
flashback: big pimpin’ (papercut), jay-z and linkin park
partying: take me out, franz ferdinand
happy dance: feel good inc., gorillaz
regretting: what if, coldplay
a long night alone: recoil, ani difranco
death scene: don’t panic, coldplay
closing credits: it can’t come quickly enough, scissor sisters
ooooh, and now a playlist on my ipod!
2.16.2006
a new obsession
a new obsession of mine lately is penn and teller. I’ve seen one of their vegas shows live.- really fantastic. . . funny, thought provoking, sometimes dark and twisted. . . and simply amazing. i’ve rented a handful of their showtime programs, ‘bullshit,’ i’ve scoured for video of their appearances on other shows. . . and i bought a book of their fun tricks to play on friends, which i doubt i will ever have the chance/ talent to pull over on anyone. i have a fond distance memory of wanting to see them while they were in boston, but i probably couldn’t afford it at the time. i was standing on the corner of tremont and boylston waiting to cross when i finally looked up from the ground, and there, standing next to me was a giant of a man (especially compared to my ‘just over 5 foot’ stature). . . penn, also waiting to cross the street. it wasn’t till years later that i got a chance to see them live.
they share some pretty strong beliefs. . . though i doubt they are any stronger than anyone elses. . perhaps i’m just not used to hearing such a different side of the story told so fiercely, boldly, and, well. . eloquently. i’ve found that i’m very open to their argument, perhaps not taking it as a whole, but taking it in nonetheless. i just started listening to a newer radio show that penn has on free fm. . . i’m amazed by the intelligent grasp he uses while tossing ideas and stories about without ever sounding above human error. well. . . just thought i’d share. . .
this is penn’s essay for npr’s, ‘this i believe.’ the whole thing is is great. . . but i bolded in one section that really strikes me.
I believe that there is no God. I'm beyond atheism. Atheism is not believing in God. Not believing in God is easy -- you can't prove a negative, so there's no work to do. You can't prove that there isn't an elephant inside the trunk of my car. You sure? How about now? Maybe he was just hiding before. Check again. Did I mention that my personal heartfelt definition of the word "elephant" includes mystery, order, goodness, love and a spare tire?
So, anyone with a love for truth outside of herself has to start with no belief in God and then look for evidence of God. She needs to search for some objective evidence of a supernatural power. All the people I write e-mails to often are still stuck at this searching stage. The atheism part is easy.
But, this "This I Believe" thing seems to demand something more personal, some leap of faith that helps one see life's big picture, some rules to live by. So, I'm saying, "This I believe: I believe there is no God."
Having taken that step, it informs every moment of my life. I'm not greedy. I have love, blue skies, rainbows and Hallmark cards, and that has to be enough. It has to be enough, but it's everything in the world and everything in the world is plenty for me. It seems just rude to beg the invisible for more. Just the love of my family that raised me and the family I'm raising now is enough that I don't need heaven. I won the huge genetic lottery and I get joy every day.
Believing there's no God means I can't really be forgiven except by kindness and faulty memories. That's good; it makes me want to be more thoughtful. I have to try to treat people right the first time around.
Believing there's no God stops me from being solipsistic. I can read ideas from all different people from all different cultures. Without God, we can agree on reality, and I can keep learning where I'm wrong. We can all keep adjusting, so we can really communicate. I don't travel in circles where people say, "I have faith, I believe this in my heart and nothing you can say or do can shake my faith." That's just a long-winded religious way to say, "shut up," or another two words that the FCC likes less. But all obscenity is less insulting than, "How I was brought up and my imaginary friend means more to me than anything you can ever say or do." So, believing there is no God lets me be proven wrong and that's always fun. It means I'm learning something.
Believing there is no God means the suffering I've seen in my family, and indeed all the suffering in the world, isn't caused by an omniscient, omnipresent, omnipotent force that isn't bothered to help or is just testing us, but rather something we all may be able to help others with in the future. No God means the possibility of less suffering in the future.
Believing there is no God gives me more room for belief in family, people, love, truth, beauty, sex, Jell-O and all the other things I can prove and that make this life the best life I will ever have.
they share some pretty strong beliefs. . . though i doubt they are any stronger than anyone elses. . perhaps i’m just not used to hearing such a different side of the story told so fiercely, boldly, and, well. . eloquently. i’ve found that i’m very open to their argument, perhaps not taking it as a whole, but taking it in nonetheless. i just started listening to a newer radio show that penn has on free fm. . . i’m amazed by the intelligent grasp he uses while tossing ideas and stories about without ever sounding above human error. well. . . just thought i’d share. . .
this is penn’s essay for npr’s, ‘this i believe.’ the whole thing is is great. . . but i bolded in one section that really strikes me.
I believe that there is no God. I'm beyond atheism. Atheism is not believing in God. Not believing in God is easy -- you can't prove a negative, so there's no work to do. You can't prove that there isn't an elephant inside the trunk of my car. You sure? How about now? Maybe he was just hiding before. Check again. Did I mention that my personal heartfelt definition of the word "elephant" includes mystery, order, goodness, love and a spare tire?
So, anyone with a love for truth outside of herself has to start with no belief in God and then look for evidence of God. She needs to search for some objective evidence of a supernatural power. All the people I write e-mails to often are still stuck at this searching stage. The atheism part is easy.
But, this "This I Believe" thing seems to demand something more personal, some leap of faith that helps one see life's big picture, some rules to live by. So, I'm saying, "This I believe: I believe there is no God."
Having taken that step, it informs every moment of my life. I'm not greedy. I have love, blue skies, rainbows and Hallmark cards, and that has to be enough. It has to be enough, but it's everything in the world and everything in the world is plenty for me. It seems just rude to beg the invisible for more. Just the love of my family that raised me and the family I'm raising now is enough that I don't need heaven. I won the huge genetic lottery and I get joy every day.
Believing there's no God means I can't really be forgiven except by kindness and faulty memories. That's good; it makes me want to be more thoughtful. I have to try to treat people right the first time around.
Believing there's no God stops me from being solipsistic. I can read ideas from all different people from all different cultures. Without God, we can agree on reality, and I can keep learning where I'm wrong. We can all keep adjusting, so we can really communicate. I don't travel in circles where people say, "I have faith, I believe this in my heart and nothing you can say or do can shake my faith." That's just a long-winded religious way to say, "shut up," or another two words that the FCC likes less. But all obscenity is less insulting than, "How I was brought up and my imaginary friend means more to me than anything you can ever say or do." So, believing there is no God lets me be proven wrong and that's always fun. It means I'm learning something.
Believing there is no God means the suffering I've seen in my family, and indeed all the suffering in the world, isn't caused by an omniscient, omnipresent, omnipotent force that isn't bothered to help or is just testing us, but rather something we all may be able to help others with in the future. No God means the possibility of less suffering in the future.
Believing there is no God gives me more room for belief in family, people, love, truth, beauty, sex, Jell-O and all the other things I can prove and that make this life the best life I will ever have.
2.06.2006
canyon of thought
i’m thinking that i’ll actually post this once i get home, unless i make a pit stop somewhere with wi-fi. you see, as i’m writing this i have no internet connect. . . my cell phone is digitally roaming, so i turned it off two days ago. i’ll turn it back on sometime tomorrow (monday) while i’m driving.
this is my 5th time to the grand canyon. i have an aunt and uncle who used to live directly in the village. i visited them with my family twice. the second time to see their wedding on the north rim. the first two visits were only about 6 months apart. yeah. . . in fact it was over easter the first time. i remember swapping decorated eggs with a woman in our train car. and the trip for their wedding was in september i think. well, definitely within a year.
my third time through i was traveling with two friends, james and val, on our way to san francisco after college. i fought them a bit to get here. they weren’t feeling great about paying extra in mileage on our moving van, and the canyon was a bit out of the way. we’d already driven way far to get to ‘carhenge’. . . i threw a little ‘erika rational’ and pouty-ness their way-. . . and we ended up spending the day in the area. my uncle met up with us (i can’t remember if my aunt was there too, or if she was working) and bought us some lunch. he shared a story about how he was on his way to san francisco when he ended up at the canyon. he needed to make some money in order to continue his journey, and that was 20 years ago. i think that story might have sparked each of us a bit, to get back on the road. each of us had invested into apartments already. . . besides, the next stop was vegas.
the 4th time was also within 6 months of its previous visit. . . in fact, just about 4 months. san francisco wasn’t really working out for me, and my friend nana flew out to help me drive to my next job in virginia. she also didn’t want to take the time to stop at the canyon. we were on a much more strict schedule. (james, val and i took 9 days to get cross country, seeing a bunch of different sites, nana and i only had three days.) nana’s rational was that she only wanted to go if she had the time to spend a couple of days there. i have an understanding for this rational. . . it is a place that deserves a certain reverence and quality of time. however, if you’ve never seen it, as nana hadn’t, even a couple of hours, hell- even a proper few minutes is worth it. so. . . nana was more stubborn then james and val, so i had to work around her. it was my shift to drive, and nana had fallen asleep. i drove us into the park and got about 10 minutes from a viewing point before i woke her and gave her the ‘option’ of turning back. we probably didn’t stay much more than an hour. i remember taking a picture of her creating an ‘eye’ shadow by placing her hands over her head and her elbows away from her body in the ‘watchtower.’ i can’t totally remember if she was thankful or not, but i don’t remember her giving me a hard time about it, so i guess it didn’t go over too badly.
so here i am, a 5th time. i’ve come alone. i really just wanted the quiet and space. i don’t remember staying in the park before- though we must’ve stayed not too far away when i was here with my family. and now, i’m only a quarter mile walk from the rim. it’s chilly and awesome, in the true meaning of the word- as my earth science teacher/ godmother would say, oh, and eddie izzard.
i guess other people might view this ‘vacation’ as sad, or dramatic. yeah, i’m turning 30. truthfully, i would’ve come any other time. . . quiet, solitude, and a pretty view is how i’d like to spend 1/2 of my time. . . but having a birthday seems to give allowance to take a vacation day off work, and get part of the trip as a gift :) thanks mom and dad!
and i’d be lying if i said i didn’t hope to get anything from it. isn’t this the part in the movie where the girl bumps into the man of her dreams? or is it the part where her true purpose in life is revealed? (of course! i can’t wait to release my inner park ranger!) or maybe it’s the part where she gets chased out of her room by a rabid squirrel while in her skimpy pj’s, and a hilarious sequence of barely believable events ensues. guess it depends on the genre. so what really happened?
i got up late and packed,- just like the commercial. . . i OVER-packed, and then under utilized, i ran some errands, and didn’t leave till about 12:30. (this is how i like to start a vacation. . . no rushing) i got in around 9pm and watched a couple of episodes of alias. i got up to watch the sunrise. i walked about 5 to 6 miles of the rim trail. i got sleepy, so i went back to my room and took a nap. then i went back, wandered around while watching the sunset. . . it was a little clouded over, so not as exciting. i read a little, watched some lame tv, and had a restless night. i had hoped for flying dreams of the canyon. . . but instead had a stressful dream about work (an ongoing email correspondence between my summer boss and i that will determine whether i go back to electrics or not this summer.) this morning i got up late, and didn’t go walking around the canyon until noonish. i got back out to the watchtower, which was no where near i remember it being. i drove out of the park to watch the IMAX movie about the canyon this afternoon, and then came back to watch the sunset again. no clouds, much better. my hotel neighbors were engrossed in the superbowl as i returned. i’ve eaten mostly yogurt, string cheese, popcorn, cashews, bananas, and some cookies- things out of my cooler. and i’ve had my period the entire weekend- whoop-dee-dooo! if i get out early enough tomorrow, i want to drive through the painted desert, and maybe get out to the meteor crater. it had occurred to me that i could call this trip, ‘my big hole tour.’ :)
see. . . nothing exceptional, no epiphanies. . . maybe a little perspective and inner quietness.
nearly everyone i know in theatre goes through this roller coaster every few months. . . as they assess if they are doing something thats ‘worth it.’ the job demands a lot of your time, your physical strength, your stamina, your emotions. . . and sometimes you wonder, is it worth all the -no pun intended- ‘drama?’ what i come back to is that this job that i do isn’t hurting anyone- as far as i’m aware. i can even see where someone might argue that we are being helpful- in that art can be therapeutic, uplifting, and even educational. . . but i won’t argue that just now. there are times when i really, really, really love it. . . now just isn’t one of those times. i guess i lack focus.
it’s interesting. i have a religious friend, also in theatre. she’s moving cross country and taking a job with another theatre shortly. she was concerned about the move and for her, it finally came down to,’ -this is what god wants of me. he must have a plan, therefore, it will work out.’
i don’t have that clarity, or luxury. i like to think i ‘go with the flow’. . . the wu wei philosophy. but in truth, i make the decisions, the moves, and even the anti-moves. . . which have their own results. i can’t blame or thank anyone but me in the end. no footprints, no sand, no trite story. . . HA!, REM’s ‘losing my religion’ just came into play on my running playlist! that’s rich. so, with no solid beliefs or church to turn to. . . i’m here, at grand canyon. there’s a quote that i’m going to mess up severely, something about ‘i am home to thousands of cathedrals’.
how’s that other saying go? hope for the best, expect the worst. (-that’s about the best thing i learned from the SAT’s)
so i came expecting nothing, but hoping for some perspective. don’t know if i found it yet. i’m envious of people who trip across life epiphanies like cracks in the sidewalk. . . hard to miss. i guess my style is a little more like glow in the dark stars. they are charged and glowing, but you don’t notice till the sun goes down. . . ahhh. . . too many metaphors! moving on. . .
what have i had? lots of music. what is it that people alone carry with them while walking around the rim of the grand canyon? their ipod. that’s right. . . and i saw the rather distinguishing earpieces all over the place. my walk on the rim trail was spent creating a ‘grand canyon’ playlist. i’d pick a handful of songs. . . test them out while i walked, then add to them while taking in a view. sure, i could’ve filled it with bach, mozart, john williams, and- isn’t there a grand canyon suite? but no. . . it’s mostly ‘contemporary’ stuff. a little on the cheesy, mellow side. . . but not a bad mix.
and what’s left? i’m hoping for a decent night’s sleep. tomorrow, i’d like to pack a leave without rushing, but not run late. i’d like to sit and view the canyon while sipping some tea. . . and then i hope to stop at the crater and the painted desert before getting home to do laundry and such before work on tuesday.
sorry ‘bout the randomness. blame it on the canyon.
addendum. . .
at home and must get to sleep. but, i did sip tea while sitting at the rim. i did stop at meteor crater. i drove through the painted desert/ petrified forest park. i turned 30.
1.29.2006
getting your goat
this past week i walked into the middle of a conversation among two of my friends. they had been talking about people they work with and the stress of the summer, and how people can lose their tempers. the main topic though, was about how certain people enjoy aggravating other people and in essence. . . they enjoy ‘getting people’s goats.’
they talked about how certain people are particularly good at getting each of their goats. they gave examples and such, they turned to me and one said that they had seen me angry, but they thought it would be pretty tough to get my goat.
however, after having listened to this conversation for a while, i’d had sort of lost the actual meaning of the phrase. i understood it to mean- annoy someone, but i wanted to also understand what they thought it meant. . .and it seemed like, to them, it also included a pretty good temper tantrum.
i’ve worked for people who have lost their temper. as i see it, there is usually an annoyance that builds up, and the actual temper tantrum is over a detail that isn’t the end of the world, but gets blown out of proportion. i remember losing my temper at basketball camp once. my friend/ roommate had done just one too many things to upset me and i blew up at her, then stormed off. . . in the cafeteria. when it comes to childhood/ teenagers and temper tantrums, there’s no better place then the cafeteria- and ‘storming off’ is imperative. i don’t remember what it was all about, i don’t remember what i said, or what i was angry over. . . but i do remember feeling stupid afterwards. i’m pretty sure i haven’t lost my temper, at least in public, since. yes, i get angry, and very very upset, and i’ve even left a room in order to not blow up or say damaging things. . . but i’m pretty sure that i generally keep my cool. guess i’ll hear from anyone if they feel otherwise. . . anyway. . . i do view other people’s tantrums in a rather darkly comedic sense. maybe not at first, and when their anger is directed at me. . . but with some time, it’s just kind of funny.
one of my mentors/ professors lost her temper regularly around me and the other students. when her anger was at another student in the room, it was just a really uncomfortable situation. . . and when her anger was directed at you directly, it was kind of scary. we had finished an evening of tech, and back in the scene shop i was giving notes to my crew when she loudly approached me. she was wild eyed, yelling, and tugging on her hair. she would approach, yell. . . retreat a bit, and then come straight at me again, saying over and over something about a ‘faculty note’ and when one is given i needed to take it. i had no idea what she was talking about. i was stunned and said nothing. when she finally walked off in a huff, i turned to my crew, finished giving my notes to them and excused them for the night. i might have apologized for the situation since i remember them all looking like ‘dad had just slapped mom across the dinner table.’ i then walked into the electrics storage room, kicked a couple of shelves, cried, and called my parents. as it turns out, she was upset about a note that i was never given. in the end, i had written a letter- since i don’t speak well when i’m upset. . . asking her what it was all about and apologizing that she felt i was undermining her authority and the integrity of the show, when in reality i was working my ass off. we sat in her office and discussed it. she apologized and explained that it had been a miscommunication between her and another staff member. i always thought it would’ve been nicer for her to have apologized to me in front of my crew, since she seemed it was necessary to wrongly berate me in front of them. but we don’t always get what we want. . .
(does that mean she got her own goat?)
on another occasion, this time in undergrad. . . i was working with a designer as his painter. we’d both put some long hours into his show. we were arriving at the scene shop to continue painting the set. the entire ride over he was talking about this color he had mixed earlier. it had taken him hours to mix this ‘perfect blue’ for one area of the set. he seemed really proud, and i had built up in my mind that this blue must be just spectacular. he then made a comment about being worried that the paint class kids might think it was there to use and may have tampered with it. we walked in and started to prepare. he pulled out all the cans he had set aside and then had trouble finding his blue. he got more and more angry, and the exploded when he found the can mixed in - not with the show colors- but with the class colors. he had made a full can of the color, and there was only about 2 inches left at the bottom of the can. he really lost it. he started tearing through the canvases that the classes were working on, in search of the people who had used it. he was yelling, cursing up a storm, and then canvases, paint can lids, and paint cans started ricocheting off the cement block walls. i picked up the paint can that only had a little left. i took a close look at a sample of it and then started mixing colors. (i’m actually kinda good at mixing colors, or at least i always thought i was) i figured out the mixture and then made a whole new batch. the designer was still busy searching and raving. about ten minutes in i brought his can and my can over to him for his approval. . . this impossible mixture that had taken him hours, took me minutes, minutes that he wasted making a mess and being noisy. my paint was a perfect match according to his design eye, and we were able to pick up where we left off.
either way, i don’t get the reaction. or at least, i don’t seem to share the need to explode in such a way. i tend to deal in sarcasm, glares, and silence. . . probably not any less childish. . . but less silly looking. . . and less to mock or mimic behind closed doors later.
anyway, back to the goats.
after listening to their stories, i had kind of lost the meaning of, ‘get your goat.’ this became a fun place to be since each time they said it, and they said it A LOT, i envisioned each person having an actual goat, and someone else just taking it.
“ah man, that time he really got my goat.”
“i know how to get your goat, i’m pretty good at it.”
“i wish she didn’t get my goat so often.”
i just started laughing, and then had to explain. . . then i thought, in the spirit of schadenfreude (taking pleasure in some one else’s pain- or in this case, anger. . . thank you dr. john coffee. . . and avenue q) wouldn’t it be fantastic if we each carried a few tiny plastic goats, like charms. and each time someone really upset you, instead of blowing up, you just kind of shook it off, laughed to yourself, and then handed that person one of the goats. the idea kind of grew from that into a contest where whomever had the most goats by then end of the summer would be the winner! of being a dick! and having talent in goat getting.
since i had temporarily lost the meaning and we had discussed it, i then needed to find out the etymology. what is with this ‘goat getting.’
so, of course i googled it. (i also have a book that deals with such things, but the reason in the book is the same reason that is denied on some website. . . so here you go)
: : I know "get your goat" means to annoy someone, but does anyone know the derivation of this phrase?
: There is one theory, espoused by H.L. Mencken among others, that ties the phrase to the world of horse racing. It used to be common practice, goes this theory, to stable goats with race horses, trainers believing that the mere presence of the goats would help keep the excitable thoroughbreds calm. If an unscrupulous gambler were to arrange for the removal of a certain goat from a certain horse's stall the day before a race, the horse might be so flustered by the absence of its hircine pal that it would lose the race. The gambler would thus have "gotten the horse's goat."
: Unfortunately, the first occurrence of the phrase in print, according to the Random House Historical Dictionary of American Slang, was in 1908. Since goats are no longer (if they ever were) housed with race horses, the practice must have arisen near the beginning of the 20th century -- and been abandoned shortly thereafter -- for that theory to be true.
: A more likely origin of the phrase lies in an earlier (1904) citation in the Random House dictionary, for "goat" as prison slang for "anger." I think this may be the key. After all, goats do, with much provocation, get angry. To bring out the "goat" in someone may take some doing, but will eventually have dramatic results.
thanks. . . goat meaning
i think i would take a lot of provocation. and i don’t know where my breaking point is. . . or IF it is. but i’m really into this goat charm idea. . . just sounds like fun. . . and the idea that handing someone a plastic toy goat. . . someone who has been working to ‘get your goat’- but not in such the literal sense. . . may turn the tables on them, and get their goat.
yeah. . . i like that A LOT!
oh but wait! after they receive your goat, and if it does upset them, does that just mean they have to hand the goat back? oh, this could get confusing. . . but still fun!
ok gotta go.
1.03.2006
canton movie sign
canton movie sign
Originally uploaded by ekissam.
well. . . i got home for the holidays. and we even had a white christmas. . . which doesn't exist out here in santa fe! though truly, it wasn't as cold as it should've been in ny either.
while toodling around we passed by a local movie theatre that read as followed on the sign.
you know. . . they really should post the reply as well. . . so as not to keep us all in suspense. mom. . . you'll have to let me know if it's posted.
hope everyone had a fantastic holiday and happy new year!
pipe&book
pipe&book
Originally uploaded by ekissam.
while home mom and i made a day trip out of a drive to lake placid. my real intentions. . . were to get to this book store, where one can receive their change in 2 dollar bills. . . . yep. . . my existance is a little lacking in the excitement department. . . but i got a 2 dollar bill. . . and i bet you don't. HA!
dragonshadow
dragonshadow
Originally uploaded by ekissam.
today i was working with a handful of people in the los alamos library/ gallery. we were setting up a showing of props and pictures to kick off our 50th year celebration. suddenly.. . . i noticed a bizarre shadow on the wall. . . . WHAT COULD IT BE?
r2@home
r2@home
Originally uploaded by ekissam.
in other news today. r2 made it to santa fe safely, and was spending time checking out the pad, ant traps and all. . . for those of you unfamiliar, my parents got me this moving, talking, responding r2 unit for christmas. . . it was an amazing surprise. and well, finally gave me something i though i have always deserved. . . a sidekick.
i think he'll be coming to work for a couple of days. . . separation anxiety and all. . .
dragon&me
dragon&me
Originally uploaded by ekissam.
why. . . it's me, in a turandot headpiece. this particular piece was worn by the emperor. . . as his crown i guess. . . but it's freaking cool looking. you kinda want it to operate like a puppet. and it kinda reminds me of mooshu. . . or however you spell it. . . the dragon from mulan.
12.23.2005
holiday party
yet again, i’m behind in the writing thing. . . i would like to say that a week on vacation back home would bring some progress, but i think i’ve noticed that that is definitely not the case.
anyway. . . it was in the high 50’s today in santa fe. people were walking around in shorts (including me. . .but that should be no surprise) and tank tops. i did a few errands, including a car wash during which i locked my keys in my car. . . luckily, the cell was in my pocket, so as i continued to clean my car. . . i got a locksmith to visit me. that should be the end of stupid things for a week right? HA. . . doubt it.
after such a warm week, ----what, ----what was that? global warming. . . what ARE you talking about? i’m betting that ottawa and northern ny will be quite the shock to my system. . . must remember to pack all those layers!
so yeah. . .where was i? oh right, holiday party. . . last thursday. jared was the main proponent, but katy and i were absolutely willing to add in once we were out of work. jared had actually set up a complete buffet. turkey, ham, peas, corn, stuffing etc. . . including the buffet servers to keep everything warm. i added some carnivore smores and faux grilled pineapple. . . and the normal rumballs. it was a slow start. . . but pretty quickly, we had a rip roaring party on our hands. . . . there were a handful of opera people that came and went the entire evening, which meant i actually had people to talk to. . . yippeee. jared’s coworkers from borders showed up in droves and occupied the living-room, which i mostly avoided. i think the most i interacted was by teaching some guy how to make a midori sour.
along with one of our coworkers, randy, from the opera came a gift, actually a couple of gifts. as jared opened one present randy leaned over to me and warned me that i would hate it. being that i’m not exactly a ‘festive’ holiday person, when i saw a penguin revealed, i quickly asked, ‘does it sing?’ and then a second quick shot, ‘does it move?’ the answer to both was yes. it’s a singing, hopping penguin. granted, i own a cereal bowl that is shaped to look like R2D2 and it makes R2D2 noises. . . but come on. . . it’s R2D2! this is a christmas song singing hop hop hoppity-ing holiday penguin. along with my mom’s festive cactus that sings ‘feliz navidad’. . . it’s one more thing that is ‘magically turned off’ when i walk through the room. randy’s second gift takes the prize however. after seeing both of them, and randy knowing how little i like the holidays, i turned to him a jokingly stated that he has managed to bring the two worst presents ever. randy walked in with a mounted deer head. it was festively costumed with a red bow about it’s neck, and red christmas tree ornaments affixed to each of it’s antlers.
i am not a person without humor. . . in fact, i often find humor where others find it inappropriate- as well as in all the ‘right’ places. the dark humor in a dead animal’s head mounted and decorated festively is not totally wasted on me. . . however, taking that dark joke and then affixing it to a structural entity of our house, kills the joke- for me. sometime in the middle of the party, randy and jared procured tools. holes were drilled. . . they took turns stepping back to make sure it was centered. and the head was placed over our fireplace. shortly after. . . people were taking pictures with it as a backdrop. there was supposed to be a ‘roommate’ picture. jared, katy and i were to gather under a gaily attired stuffed dead deer head for a holiday picture. someone grabbed hold of my arm to push me into the shot. i stood firmly and soberly (which wasn’t too easy) stated that i was morally opposed. i think i might have meant, ‘morbidly opposed.’
I HAVE A FUCKING DECORATED DEAD DEER HEAD HANGING ON MY WALL!
it stares at me as i watch tv, while i enter through the front door, as i water my plants. it’s eyes plead with me. ‘look at me,’ it seems to say, ‘i’ve been killed, stuffed, mounted, and now festively decorated. for the love of god, put me out of my misery!’
i wanted to start that first evening. . maybe stick a cigarette in it’s mouth. . . with a quote bubble saying, ‘cancer kills.’ one problem. . . i don’t smoke and won’t buy cigarettes out of spite. perhaps i would draw maori type tattoos on it’s fur. but no, it’s actually a prop from the opera and can’t be permanently tampered with.
but. . . do you think i’m able to leave ‘well enough’ alone. HELL NO!
you’ll have to scroll down for pictures to see what i did. . . .
ps. happy holidays. .. safe travels.
anyway. . . it was in the high 50’s today in santa fe. people were walking around in shorts (including me. . .but that should be no surprise) and tank tops. i did a few errands, including a car wash during which i locked my keys in my car. . . luckily, the cell was in my pocket, so as i continued to clean my car. . . i got a locksmith to visit me. that should be the end of stupid things for a week right? HA. . . doubt it.
after such a warm week, ----what, ----what was that? global warming. . . what ARE you talking about? i’m betting that ottawa and northern ny will be quite the shock to my system. . . must remember to pack all those layers!
so yeah. . .where was i? oh right, holiday party. . . last thursday. jared was the main proponent, but katy and i were absolutely willing to add in once we were out of work. jared had actually set up a complete buffet. turkey, ham, peas, corn, stuffing etc. . . including the buffet servers to keep everything warm. i added some carnivore smores and faux grilled pineapple. . . and the normal rumballs. it was a slow start. . . but pretty quickly, we had a rip roaring party on our hands. . . . there were a handful of opera people that came and went the entire evening, which meant i actually had people to talk to. . . yippeee. jared’s coworkers from borders showed up in droves and occupied the living-room, which i mostly avoided. i think the most i interacted was by teaching some guy how to make a midori sour.
along with one of our coworkers, randy, from the opera came a gift, actually a couple of gifts. as jared opened one present randy leaned over to me and warned me that i would hate it. being that i’m not exactly a ‘festive’ holiday person, when i saw a penguin revealed, i quickly asked, ‘does it sing?’ and then a second quick shot, ‘does it move?’ the answer to both was yes. it’s a singing, hopping penguin. granted, i own a cereal bowl that is shaped to look like R2D2 and it makes R2D2 noises. . . but come on. . . it’s R2D2! this is a christmas song singing hop hop hoppity-ing holiday penguin. along with my mom’s festive cactus that sings ‘feliz navidad’. . . it’s one more thing that is ‘magically turned off’ when i walk through the room. randy’s second gift takes the prize however. after seeing both of them, and randy knowing how little i like the holidays, i turned to him a jokingly stated that he has managed to bring the two worst presents ever. randy walked in with a mounted deer head. it was festively costumed with a red bow about it’s neck, and red christmas tree ornaments affixed to each of it’s antlers.
i am not a person without humor. . . in fact, i often find humor where others find it inappropriate- as well as in all the ‘right’ places. the dark humor in a dead animal’s head mounted and decorated festively is not totally wasted on me. . . however, taking that dark joke and then affixing it to a structural entity of our house, kills the joke- for me. sometime in the middle of the party, randy and jared procured tools. holes were drilled. . . they took turns stepping back to make sure it was centered. and the head was placed over our fireplace. shortly after. . . people were taking pictures with it as a backdrop. there was supposed to be a ‘roommate’ picture. jared, katy and i were to gather under a gaily attired stuffed dead deer head for a holiday picture. someone grabbed hold of my arm to push me into the shot. i stood firmly and soberly (which wasn’t too easy) stated that i was morally opposed. i think i might have meant, ‘morbidly opposed.’
I HAVE A FUCKING DECORATED DEAD DEER HEAD HANGING ON MY WALL!
it stares at me as i watch tv, while i enter through the front door, as i water my plants. it’s eyes plead with me. ‘look at me,’ it seems to say, ‘i’ve been killed, stuffed, mounted, and now festively decorated. for the love of god, put me out of my misery!’
i wanted to start that first evening. . maybe stick a cigarette in it’s mouth. . . with a quote bubble saying, ‘cancer kills.’ one problem. . . i don’t smoke and won’t buy cigarettes out of spite. perhaps i would draw maori type tattoos on it’s fur. but no, it’s actually a prop from the opera and can’t be permanently tampered with.
but. . . do you think i’m able to leave ‘well enough’ alone. HELL NO!
you’ll have to scroll down for pictures to see what i did. . . .
ps. happy holidays. .. safe travels.
deerapplique
deerapplique
Originally uploaded by ekissam.
i ask you, the gentle reader, how much 'spike' needs to be added to a holiday party in order for it to be pushed to such extremes. . . that someone decides, 'hey, lets take a sad, festively decorated dead deer head and position it on a structural entity of our home.'
certainly, i was not downing enough holiady spirits.
stonerdeer
stonerdeer
Originally uploaded by ekissam.
my revenge. . . while everyone was gone, i tried to relieve the pain of this poor deer's existance, with some 'medicinal' help. HA!
12.13.2005
"the one that got stuck?"
i had intended on starting this blog with, “well, here it is, december 13 and we still have no snow. . . except for the snow i didn’t get to see while i was away on thanksgiving.”
i can’t really start that way today though. . . i woke up and noticed that there was a couple of fluffy inches on the ground.
whoo hoo
so, first off. . . .got home LATE last night, or late for me, since i’m usually asleep by 11 at the latest during the winter season. . . and we got in from a concert around 12:30. . . asleep around 1am. . . ouch.
what concert you ask. . . the Brian Setzer Orchestra Christmas Spectacular! it was soooooooo SPECTACULAR! he is such an amazing musician, and his band ROCKS. . . especially the trumpet section. . . my favorites. i even enjoyed the christmas music, which really rocked as well. one of the final pieces was a swinging rocked out version of the nutcracker suite. . . i thought i’d never like that music again. . . . ahhhh. . . . brian setzer, another hero to add to the list. dad, i think you would love this show.
so, yes, i overslept my alarm a bit, but i had to make it in for a designer presentation at 8am. so i was out the door by 7:30. there was the snow, and the not so well plowed roads. i hit the useless round-about before the main road which set me fishtailing. the fishtailing got worse. i corrected, and calmly i heard my dad’s voice, ‘keep the front of the car in the front.’ i kept correcting, actually over correcting. about three major fishtails, and there i was in a 360. (before i get further, mom, i’m fine) the road was completely clear, lucky for me, lucky for anyone else. after stopping, i took a deep breath and turned back onto the road to head to work.
then, there was opera drive.
the opera drive that i was able to make it up last year when no one else could. i was within 100 yards of the gate. . . the last rough hill and curve. and my tires slipped. so, i was stuck. (again, mom. . . fine) i called my coworkers and they sent out reinforcements. before that though, there were three other people stuck on the same hill. the situation was complicated. . . people were pulling out shovels and trying to sand the road.
anyway. . . . a half hour later i was in the opera. and we were able to start the designer presentation, a half hour late.
later that day i attempted to make up for it by doing a decent amount of the grilling for lunch. carnivore smores and burgers. mmmmmm. while grilling (in the snow) i stepped onto a piece of slick scenery buried in the snow and fell directly on my ass, in the puddle being made by the melting snow from overhead. . . did i mention i had been slicing cheese with a hatchet and was holding the hatchet as i fell?
today kind of felt like i needed a do over.
again, i was fine, but rather wet and cold. we set up for lunch with the crew and designer. this particular designer, paul brown, is really fantastic. his costume renderings are really gorgeous, and the scenery designs are beautiful and innovative. and on top of it all, he seems to be a really nice guy. when he was here last, i remembered wishing i had the chance to listen to his talk backs and ask him questions, but we were too busy. i figured with the day i had been having so far, there was no chance of me partaking in sparkling conversation.
while grilling, paul brown came over to see if i needed any help, and then asked, ‘aren’t you the one that got stuck?’ yes, i will forever be immortalized in this world renowned designer’s memory as the girl that held up his presentation while getting my car stuck. fantastic. ugh. . .
a group of us continued to chat during lunch, sharing some fun snowy car stories. paul asked where i was originally from, and when he found out that i was from northern ny, he gave me a hard time about not having any excuse for driving poorly in the snowy weather. he had a point. i’m a disappointment to my upbringing. christ!. . . the first time i drove ever was on black ice! arg.
so that was my day. how was yours?
12.11.2005
mmmmm. . . michael wincott
it’s been a week now, since this happened, but we had the christmas party to set up this week, the espanola light parade was last night, la posadas was tonight- but i opted to not go. . . and a brian setzer christmas spectacular concert tomorrow night. . . little busy. . .
ANYWAY. . . last week i went to do some shopping at the borders. i was walking through the cd area and i heard this voice. . . this incredibly recognizable voice. i looked up and saw this guy, in a dark skull cap and a dark sweater with white punk-ish writing all over it. i couldn’t tell for sure, so i listened for his voice again and possibly a glimpse of his face. he looked right up at me- of course i quickly looked away in the hopes that i wouldn’t be seen staring. although he was scruffy, it was completely apparent. it was him, but fuck, i forgot his name! being that i was right next to the dvd area, i walked over to pick up a copy of ‘basquiat,’ knowing that i would recognize his name instantly. and there is was, simple, michael wincott. . . and there HE was, looking through the live concert dvds. there were a number of people shopping with him. i did hear one of them on their phone say that they had just gotten into santa fe, and that they were in the borders, because, what else were they going to do.
i only had two things to look for, and i found them immediately. but. . . i decided to waste some time and bask in the coolness that is michael wincott. . .. (ps, for the uninitiated. . . . michael wincott played the main bad guy in ‘the crow’. . . and another bad guy in ‘strangedays’. . . and he had a great part in ‘basquiat’. . . . he has a really gruff voice, which is probably why he cast as really good bad guys pretty often.)
so there i was, listening to almost any interesting music on the different stations around the store, in the hopes of catching a bit of conversation or something. after about a half hour of this, i realized that one of the other people with him was one of the kids from ‘lords of dogstown’. . . which i haven’t seen yet, but i’d seen the skateboard documentary that it was based on, ‘dogtown and z-boys’. . .
wincott spent a lot of time pouring over the cd’s. at one point his basket was right next to me. . . he had quite the collection stacked. i said nothing. . . tried to not give away that i knew him, when in my mind i wanted to grab a copy of the crow, maybe have him sign it? or just hold it up with a thumbs up from me while dancing across an aisle in front of him. instead. . . i debated over the new franz ferdinand, or the new beck.
long story short. . . i played it cool. what could i say anyway, that wouldn’t be totally lame and pest-like. . . . i walked out with the beck, which will now be always known as ‘the beck cd i bought while shopping next to michael wincott.’ i IMDB-ed it later, turned out he, and a number of other people are in the area shooting a civil war movie.
well. . . that’s it. . . for now. . .
12.03.2005
aeonlook
aeonlook
Originally uploaded by ekissam.
before driving to phoenix, i needed a hair cut, and i was SO sick of the length, that i told her to take it to my jaw. yep, a little shorter than i'm comfortable with, but oh well, it will grow. and well, after the stylist got to it, i kinda felt like i was unintentionally ready for the opening of aeon flux.
thanksgiving
thanksgiving
Originally uploaded by ekissam.
the thanksgiving splay included, carrots, asparagus, chestnut stuffing, cranberry sauce, garlic/ green chile mashed potatoes, rolls, candied yams, mashed sweet potatoes, and, of course, the turkey. obviously, not everything is on the table yet.
trevor&matt
trevor&matt
Originally uploaded by ekissam.
yes, here are matt and trevor, the day after thanksgiving. . . walking around in sunny and warm tempe. . . and yes, it was warm enough out to have some ice cream.
lightparade1
lightparade1
Originally uploaded by ekissam.
the tempe light spectacular thing. it had this great mobile bandstand set up. not bad. . . but i gotta say, espanola's light parade has your number tempe!
lightparade2
lightparade2
Originally uploaded by ekissam.
what you can't see is the audio engineer and some other tech type guy in the back of the train. . . not bad.
11.29.2005
on the short
well, i’m sick, two days out of work so far, and i’ll have to see how tomorrow goes.
very briefly, great thanksgiving -will have pictures and stories . . . a decent drive, and yes, i still need to catch up on the whole trip to florida. . . but i’m too sick right now. . .
and i’m not sure if it’s weighing in, but i got news over the holidays that a woman i worked with at the barter passed away on thanksgiving. she battled breast cancer for a number of years, and i’d gotten word that she wasn’t doing well again.
her name is alice white. she was a performer at the barter, and i worked on a couple of shows with her. i’ve heard from friends that worked with her longer, of her many endearing qualities which only confirmed my feelings for her, knowing her as little as i did.
i have one incredible memory of her, which i always thought gave a well rounded view of her personality. a group of us had gone to the movies, we were seeing ‘sixth sense.’ we passed alice and another actor, quinn, on the way to our seats. there’s a part in the movie where it’s explained that a little girl died through her mother’s poisoning. . . . munchausen by proxy. when the audience gets to see the video tape of the mom poisoning her daughter’s food, i distinctly heard alice react, ‘oh my word,’ ‘poor child,’ ‘ohhh, my.’ all i could think was, typical alice and smile. her empathy, sympathy, and love for all things living was unbridled.
my friend john probably said it best here. . . .
john's blog
and he has a phenomenal picture of her- it really speaks volumes.
alice kept a blog for a little while, during her chemo and such. . . .
alice white
alice white
97847367429_3300
Originally uploaded by ekissam.
i got the news about alice passing the day after thanksgiving. i relayed it to trevor, who had worked with her for a number of years. later while we were cleaning up from thanksgiving left overs, i noticed the bottle of wine that he had opened the day before, for the thanksgiving meal. he hadn't noticed, the name on the bottle.
11.23.2005
chris,terr,me,travis
chris,terr,me,travis
Originally uploaded by ekissam.
LDI conference, the original reason for my trip to florida. as we were lining up for registration we found terrance with a group of his classmates. chris, terrance, me, and travis.
dinner
dinner
Originally uploaded by ekissam.
a group of us went out to pleasure island for dinner and fun. forrest, me, chris, and his friend from school, kate. after this we toured each of the clubs, caught the comedy show, and were there as they closed up the mannequin club. . . the one with the turntable dance floor.
hulk
hulk
Originally uploaded by ekissam.
chris and i spent sunday at universal studios, and islands of adventure. we splurged on the extra pass to both parks, and the expedited pass. . . the lady told us we wouldn't have enough time to get to all the rides, possibly not even the second park. . . we proved her WRONG! we got on almost every ride, every ride we wanted to get on, and did spiderman 3 times! we were next in line when the hulk got shut down, we left, hit spiderman again, and hulk reopened, so we finally got on it!
erika&erika
erika&erika
Originally uploaded by ekissam.
after something like 7 years, i finally got to meet up with my close friend from highschool, now living in florida. erika, (yep, we had the same name) and i spent the day with her two daughters.
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