i don’t belong to a
dating site. however, someone (or
some-computer) has used my old email to sign me up for a dating site in another
country. i can’t get onto this site to
cancel it because i don’t know the password, but i get daily emails to remind
me of the singles in ‘my area.’ these
emails are filled with profile pictures to lure me in, i assume. however, i find that they do almost the
opposite. in fact, these pictures have
pushed me into becoming very critical of profile pictures.
for a recent job i had
to send in a head shot. i never had to
do that before, but having worked with actors for years, i knew that choosing
the right head shot was important. so i
did a little research on what goes into making a decent headshot for this particular
job. their requirements were pretty
easy. things like; make sure your face
is visible, smile and look friendly, be in an appropriate place. i tried to follow the instructions and sent
in a friendly picture of me on a sunny day with my yard in the background.
i got the job and.
along with my co-workers i was later asked to assess the pictures that came in
from potential hires. while many
pictures were just fine, several were just odd and made you wonder what the
thought was behind choosing that particular shot to represent themselves. for instance; a picture of a ‘professor-like
guy’ (tweed jacket with elbow patches and all) sitting in a large leather chair
holding a flute, and picture of a guy with a backwards ball cap flashing a hang
ten sign with one hand and holding a large frosty beer mug with the other in a
bar.
this particular job
involved teaching young ESL students, so you might begin to wonder as we did. .
. why the flute?! or. . . okay, you look
like a fun guy to hang out with in a bar, but will you finish your work so we
don’t have to cover your ass and therefore can have fun with you later at the
bar?
while i don’t subscribe
to judging a book by its cover, there is something to looking a part.
so, when choosing a
picture to represent yourself to potential dates, i feel there are a couple
common sense stipulations to follow.
(pretty much the same requirements as for my former job- make sure your face is
visible, smile and look friendly, be in an appropriate place). . .at least in general. there will always be someone interested in
what you put out there. if i were to take
a picture of a used toothbrush, someone would be into it. . . somewhere.
after receiving these
daily emails, i started to notice some obvious oversights of these
stipulations. i sent some to my friend
in an email, and she found them humorous, so i’ve gathered some more to have a
fun look at how to take bad profile photos.
#1- the elusive, ‘not
in the shot’ shot.
yep, this guy is no
where to be seen. i can’t imagine
someone CHOOSING this picture for their profile. i mean, the tree isn’t even in focus.
#2- ‘the bad crop.’ seriously, this picture looks professional. .
. why crop across his face? unless my
theory about these pictures being farmed by computers and not actually placed
by humans is correct.
does resting bitch face
apply to men? i categorized these as
#3- ‘uninterested.’ it’s how they look, and it’s how i feel. oddly, the pictures are framed well and have
good lighting/ setting, but their expression, or lack there of makes me wonder
if they’ve been pushed to join the site.
then we can move to a
near opposite. #4- the ‘angry men.’ perhaps these men were also forced to join
the site, and they feel obligated to show their resentment. or this was the picture taken directly before
they reminded the photographer that they already asked to have no pictures
taken of them.
from angry we’ll move
to #5- ‘smug guys.’ i don’t know if
these men are actually stuck on themselves. . . but don’t you just get that
sense from these pictures?
and then, #6-
’smug-lite.’ again, these could be
actual acting head shots. . . but their half smirk and non smile make them feel
unaccessible.
these next two might be
the sweetest guys in the world, but i would never attempt to find out because
they couldn’t figure out how to avoid uploading a creepy-ass picture of
themselves. #7- ’creepy guys.’
these three are just
#8- ‘too chill’ for my taste. i like a
guy who knows how to relax and be cozy, but how you look when you flop into a
couch or bed after several beers isn’t where i want to start. give me something to look forward to.
quick profile
photography tip: put your face where the
light can hit it. if we were to strike
up a conversation and decided to take it into the real world, i’d like to be
able to identify you by your facial features.
i would see this happening in a nicely lit place like a restaurant or a
park. i don’t want to know how you look
creeping up behind me in a dark alley.
#9- ‘too dark.’
along the lines of
wanting to see your face but it being cast into darkness; let me introduce
#10- ‘guys in hats.’
in the ‘poorly used
accessories’ category (which could technically contain ‘guys in hats’) are #11-
‘guys in shades.’ why is it that ‘guys
in shades’ look a lot like the ‘uninterested guys?’
but wait! you can add the two together to get, #12- ‘guys
with shades and a hat.’ you see, it was
bright enough out to get past the hat and light their faces, so to mask their
identities further, they wore shades.
a special subset of
‘guys in shades’ needed attention. #13-
‘guys in shades in a car.’ there were a
lot of them which is why i felt it necessitated their own set. i guess their lives are so bustling, the only
time they think to take a picture to add to their profile is when they are
sitting down. . . and even then, they are on the go, speeding across highways.
and for those who wish
to conjure images of being in witness protection, we have #14- ‘guys in the
dark with a hat, or shades, or both.’
you may think to
yourself, “i need a picture to post to a dating site. i want to look happy and approachable, and i’m
happiest on sunny days. in fact, my best
pictures are always taken of me enjoying a bright day. but how can i get a good picture of myself on
a happy, sunny day that doesn’t have my shades obscuring my adorable face?”
well, here’s some
advice just for you. step inside
quickly, you’ll probably need a cool drink to rehydrate after hanging out in
the sun for so long anyway. while making
your way to hydration, push your shades up, and while you’re still smiling and
happily intoxicated by the sun’s ability to boost your mood, have someone snap
a shot of you.
this guy did shades
right.
well done. now get back outside to soak up those rays!
i love me a good hat. .
. both on other people and worn by me.
whether it’s being used
as a hat should, or if it’s comically costumey; hats don’t have to interfere
with the ability to distinguish facial features. just check out these guys.
hats FTW!
(adorable guys. way to get those facial features into the
light!)
you might think that
getting past shades or hats is hard enough.
but how could one possibly get a good look at my winning smile when
donning both a hat and shades?!
well, check out this
clever chap.
strong work sir!
moving on. . .
the selfie is a big
part of our modern world. while it would
be nice to have the time and money to get a professional photographer’s help
while making and choosing new profile pics, it isn’t practical. (however, i won’t discourage it!)
it’s important to know
how to take a good selfie. whether you
use a timer, or just outstretch your arms; get to know your angles. i understand why fashion bloggers might use
the mirror shot to show off an outfit, but i don’t get #15- ‘taken in a
mirror.’ it’s a two part problem for
me. first- it suggests that you don’t
know how to switch from the back facing camera to the front facing camera, and
second- you can’t figure out how to take a mirror picture and crop out the fact
that your camera shows in the mirror.
(and in some cases, you don’t know to look up from the image on your
phone to the image in the mirror.)
next up, #16- ‘sauna
shot,’ aka, ‘dreamy, bleary-eyed shot,’ aka, ‘vaseline on my lens.’
#17- ‘otherwise occupied.’ another set of guys who are too busy to be
bothered to stop and look into a camera lens for a profile pic.
closely related, and
possibly overlapping is, #18- ‘surprise! you’re on camera.’ you possibly weren’t aware that someone was
taking a picture of you. some of these
photographers were friends and put up a nice picture of you. some of these photographers weren’t so nice
and are trying to ensure that no genuine date interest comes your way.
the errors made in this
set of photos wouldn’t keep me from contacting these guys if i were
interested. introducing #19- ‘fine by
me.’ somehow, they managed to make
themselves identifiable in a pleasing manner, or pushed enough charm through
that their small infractions don’t matter.
they felt that their
best picture was taken in a car:
they wore shades:
. . . or a hat that
didn’t totally cast their face into shadow:
they were trying so
hard to look ‘casual,’ that they flew past it and just ended up in ‘trying too
hard to look casual.’
the source of light is
too bright and you can’t tell if they are genuinely smiling, or just squinting:
their best photo is
their work ID:
they got the angle just
a little wrong which makes them look like a giant among men:
they’re pulling off a
really great hat, you just wish they would try a smile:
they are trying to
squeeze their amazing abilities or accomplishments into such a tiny profile
picture that you aren’t quite sure what they look like:
sure the picture is too
dark, but he looks enough like alan tudyk that it doesn’t matter:
there. now we can move on to #20- ‘profile pic like
a boss.’ they are flashing a winning
smile and they’ve compose the picture so you can actually see that smile. and at least by photographic standards, you
might not be frightened of them choosing the seat next to you on a bus ride.
and high marks for a
couple who squeezed in an activity or a cute pet-like animal (i’m not talking
dead elephants or drugged tigers) without taking away from their own shot:
before we leave all
these wonderful guys, i have a few more. these were stashed into my earlier ‘no pass’
piles. . . but something kept bringing me back to them. somehow, they’ve managed to profile pic
wrong, yet they did something else so good i feel it negates the mistake.
i’ll call them #21-
‘the miracle shots.’
first we have this
guy. he’s in a car. he’s got on a hat. he’s wearing shades. i wouldn’t be able to pick him out of a line
up without him being in this exact pose, but it also looks like he’s singing
his lungs out to his favorite jam:
next up- too
close! it looks professional. . . but
seriously, does the poor guy have ears?!
either way, i can’t get past that adorable smile:
this guy should be in
the ‘smug’ pile. that partial smirk is
irking me! but he’s crushing that hat
and it’s hard for me to turn down a ginger:
lastly, this guy. not sure if he posted it, or someone
else. the picture’s a little dark, and
he’s not making eye contact. . . but don’t you want to know what his laugh
sounds like?! so charming:
i’ve been accused of
having standards that are too high. this
may be the case for how i judge profile pics.
however, when i think back to how my co-workers and i would extrapolate
from a potential hire’s photo, or the stories we could make up from from
just their name and home town off their resume; you might begin to see how
having a bit of flawed information or poorly highlighted information can cause
judgements to snowball. . . i’m thinking about the flute guy again.
it’s also possible that
this entire post could be nullified because no humans played a roll in
selecting these pictures.
either way, you now
know how to do bad profile photos.